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please help

(32 Posts)
bunny85 Mon 14-Dec-15 07:04:51


I'm so shattered I can barely type. I really need help and advice. My ds is 1 month old and he is not sleeping. We've had nights with 3h of broken sleep altogether and nights with no sleep at all. He hardly sleeps during the day. We go to bed quite late (11-12pm), maybe that's why? He is my first I don't know what to do I'm so exhausted. I haven't slept for 2 nights in a row now. He's been crying, squirming, grunting, screaming all night long. I'm trying infacol now but not sure if it's helping yet. He's ebf. Please help me I'm so so tired. I read on here how other mums sleep at least 4-5h a night and I'd give anything for that. Why is he like that???

thenewaveragebear1983 Mon 14-Dec-15 07:07:19

Speak to your HV about silent reflux as soon as possible....sounds like my ds with the grunting and squirming. He's much better now aged 12 weeks, but I did end up stopping bf and going onto reflux formula.

bunny85 Mon 14-Dec-15 07:14:20

Thank you I will call her today. If he has silent reflux, does it mean I have to stop bf? I'd like to bf for as long as possible ideally...

GenevaMaybe Mon 14-Dec-15 07:17:36

No you won't have to stop breastfeeding. You might need some anti acid medication to make him more comfortable.
Hang in there, it will get better flowers

thenewaveragebear1983 Mon 14-Dec-15 07:47:21

No sorry, I should have said that. I just did because the baby gaviscvon didn't agree with him and its quite faffy to administer. He was already combo fed anyway so decided to stop altogether. My D's was the grouchiest baby I'd ever known when he was suffering with silent reflux, wouldn't settle, terrible wind, would wake up screaming and would scream all day! It does get better I promise but its hard when you've had little respite from it. The NHS direct site had some good info about it and I just went to my gp and they prescribed me the gaviscon etc. After a week on the reflux formula he was likes different child. Good luck op

poocatcherchampion Mon 14-Dec-15 07:49:53

Why are you staying up til 11pm if you are exhausted? I go at 9 on a normal night with my newborn and he takes about an hour to settle. If he slept worse I would go earlier...

bunny85 Mon 14-Dec-15 07:57:18

We go to bed so late because there's little difference between day and night now, we don't sleep anyway... He is constantly making noises or crying. My dp comes from work at around 8pm (works long hours), we have dinner, then bath the baby and then with constant feedings in between we only finish at about 11.. And then like I said it's no difference, same story, me feeding the baby non stop in the bedroom instead of a living room and not being able to even lye down. I tried to sleep while bf sitting up and I actually slept for about 10 mins...

poocatcherchampion Mon 14-Dec-15 08:15:59

OK, I was answering your q about whether bedtime was too late.

If your dh is home 8ish I can see why the time 8-11 is precious. So you need to work around that for the rest of the day.

Can you prolong the nights into the morning? Does he settle more as the night goes on? You have to get used to a certain volume of pig noises I'm afraid grin

What is your sleeping set up? Have you considered/read about safe co sleeping? You can do it better than have baby on you.

What time does dh go out in the morning? How are you using your weekend to get rest?

We have made a safe space in the bed for our 6 week old and the last few nights he has settled like a normal person. I suggest trying to put him to bed in the same place or with the same blanket so he starts to feel like his surroundings are familiar.

I would def scrap the evening bath until about 6 mo - many find it stimulating and it is frankly a waste of your time if you are pooped. A quick dunk in the sink when he ia really soiled is the way to go re cleanliness.

Make sure you are eating ans drinking well ans prioritise yourself. If you are doing anything else you feel you ought to reevaluate it to make sure it is worth it.

It will get better.

DangerMouth Mon 14-Dec-15 12:19:40

This sounds like my dd1 and l had to 'teach ' her to sleep. So for night time we did warm bath with J&J lavender, then bf in bedroom with dim lights until she was very sleepy (however long it fecking took!) and then into the cot. She also had silent reflux so once we got gaviscon and infacol it really helped.

For my dd1 the key was routine. So same thing every night told her it was sleep time. Lots on here hate it but dd was bathed every night by dh which was lovely for them and gave me time to get ready for bed (always jumped into bed the second dd1 was asleep! )

You need to stick at the routine for a few weeks before they get it. It's not the timing that's important just that doing A, then B = C (sleep!)

bunny85 Tue 15-Dec-15 01:53:29

Thank you everyone.

Poocatcher, yes he seems to settle from the early morning hours. Around 7-8am when my DP is leaving for work I usually get an hour or so of deep sleep. Then on and off until 11 or 12 because I'm so tired I can't drag myself out of bed. Ds seems to be much more relaxed and settled in this time of the day. Last night non of that was happening though as he was just screaming blue murder non stop.

Yes we do co sleep. In the beginning it looked like it definitely working but now I actually think we possibly could have the same result (him sleeping at least couple of hours a night) if we'd stuck with the cot (we've got chicco next to me one).

Evening bath scrapped until I feel a bit better. Possibly tomorrow.

Danger, yes we do need a routine, you are right. At the moment it's a real chaos.

I went to the gp this morning. He checked him with the stethoscope and felt his tummy, and said there's nothing serious but reflux most likely, just as thenewaveragebear suggested (thank you!), and prescribed Gaviscon. However there's a problem. Gp said I need to express milk and mix half sachet into the bottle then feed baby. I tried that and he fed first time, when I gave it to him straight away, but next time after being left out for about an hour this mixture wouldn't drip through the teat! Ds was hysterical and we couldn't give it to him. It just wasn't going through! Any advice? Could it be because it needed to be given right away as it gets thicker and blocks the hole in the teat (definitely feels like that's what happened)? Shame such a waste of milk and medicine.

Another thing - I managed to get some proper sleep with ds sleeping for about 2h straight (!) laying on his tummy on me. He definitely feels much better being held upright/on tummy. We both slept so well. Now up at night and considering if that's something I should do during the night to get some rest?

LovelyWeatherForDucks Tue 15-Dec-15 04:38:01

Hope you are mangling more sleep tonight. For the gaviscon, check the instructions, but I think you can mix a sachet with cooled boiled water and syringe feed it just before a normal BF. Might be less hassle.

My DS is now 4 months and sleeps OK. What helps is swaddling - (I have Velcro swaddle wraps) - I feed him and wind him throughly, then swaddle, then a bit more milk and wind til he's sleepy, then put down.

If he's fidgety, a bit of tummy massage helps his wind - stroking his tummy round his belly button in a clock wise direction, and then bringing knees up to his chest often squeezes some farts out!

Redhead79 Tue 15-Dec-15 05:01:16

Hi bunny,
I'm of no help but am going through exactly the same with my 1 month ds, so though you'd like to know you're not alone!
I though it was just a cluster feeding phase but if I'm honest it's been like it from day 1.
We also go to bed late but that's because she's usually feeding (ebf) off and from 7 to 11pm. Then it's the hellish nightly cycle of feed for 30-40mins by which time she asleep on me so I put her down - tried in co sleeper, cocoon and bed sharing an makes no difference as after 10 mins or so she's grunting and then crying and then it's back to boob to settle her and the cycle starts again!
The only sleep I get is if I accidentally doze of while feeding her, which then scares me half to death!
Days aren't much better either....will happily sleep on someone or in pram if out an about but otherwise much the same patten
I now understand why sleep deprivation is a form of totrure!

sianihedgehog Tue 15-Dec-15 05:04:36

Get a teat with a larger hole for the gaviscon, or give it in a pacifier medicator, or a syringe. I found it didn't agree with DS, HOWEVER his reflux improved markedly at around 13 weeks and is still improving, so hopefully your little one will improve, too. The colic massage helps too- have a look on YouTube for instructions.
I also started putting DS down to sleep on his side. He used to gag and moan as soon as he was on his back, and wake right up.

DangerMouth Tue 15-Dec-15 11:31:38

We used a syringe to feed dd1 the gaviscon as l point blankly refused to express, as if l wasn't sleep deprived enough but then to add one more thing l had to do! Could you try that?

Jemzy12345 Tue 15-Dec-15 16:41:07

Bunny85 did u have a difficult birth ? my baby is 11 weeks old and for 8 weeks was like this, I looked up every forum for the answer as to why he would not stop crying. He was fed, changed, winded and nothing obvious wrong. I started to give infacol thinking it was colic or wind, we then tried colief, then went to the doctors 3 times to check nothing medically was wrong with him on one occasion was given gaviscon which helped for a few days and then got constipation so stopped it, which is common with gaviscon. I then looked up a website about a baby being overtired which seems silly to say as you are obviously trying to get him to sleep and so were we. Literally do your bedtime routine, feed etc and rock him to sleep on you with dummy and I rub his head with my hand and down over his nose. If I've left it too late he will squirm, grunt and wriggle with head going side to side, this is him fighting his sleep. After about 5-10 mins of this he gradually shuts his eyes. I then hold him for 30-40 mins till he snoring and hands are unclenched and arms floppy and make the move to put him in his cot, we swaddled him which stopped him waking himself up and played white noise to him

thenewaveragebear1983 Tue 15-Dec-15 17:27:53

Hi, glad the gp could help. We would make up the gaviscvon with water because I couldn't express and used the syringes that come with calpol to give it to him. However he got wise to it pretty quickly. As I also have a toddler and an older child I just couldn't be doing with the FAFF, but it did work well when we could get it in! With regards to tummy sleeping, no HV or Dr will tell you tgk put them on their tummy to sleep. My ds has slept on him tummy since 2 weeks old, and it still worries me but it was the only way we could get any sleep. There's lots of info and advice on here, but at the end oif the day its up to you to research and assess the risk. We deemed that as we had a big boy who could turn his head independently and had no other risk factors such as smoking etc, we took the decision. Tried him in the day first and watched him like a hawk! He's definitely happier on his tummy and I often lay him across my lap to hold him rather than upright.

BumWad Tue 15-Dec-15 20:23:23

Just a tip with infant gaviscon give it after a feed, you have to make it fresh and you can use water to make it up.

Also use Infacol drops religiously before every feed and try and get baby to burp.

It will get better x

bunny85 Wed 16-Dec-15 12:24:32

Lovely, yes I keep hearing advices re swaddling. Must try tonight. No I haven't slept last night again.. He didn't cry much just generally fidgety and seems like always hungry however spitting out the nipple often then looking for it again. Not sure if maybe he isn't latching on properly sometimes. Maybe it's nothing to do with reflux?

Redhead, you must be describing my ds!! I honestly hope there'll be an end to this phase whatever it is. He will only sleep on his bf pillow, he loves it and can sleep there for hours. In the pram/car seat too but that I don't count as my aim is to make him sleep at home, in his cot and at night! It is a real torture. Good luck, I hope this shall pass soon.

Sianihedgehog, same with my ds re sleeping on his side. He seems to prefer it much more. Thanks for the advice re teats with larger hole. Will look today!

Danger, yes syringe would be my next step if the larger teat doesn't work!

Jemzy, no it was pretty much straight forward albeit high risk due to GD. I had epidural at 5 cm and was a bliss afterwards. Pushing for 2h though but overall was good! Agree could be overtiredness. He gets exhausted of constant fidgeting and crying and keeps yawning yet wouldn't sleep!

Thenewaveragebear, my ds loves tummy sleep too, just like his mum smile I reckon it's safe provided you take all the precautions. As long as baby is happy!

BumWad, the problem with my ds is that he hardly burps! We keep holding him but he rarely brings anything out. Don't know if that could also indicate a problem? He does fart though.

thenewaveragebear1983 Wed 16-Dec-15 17:52:33

I think the not burping but lots of farting is common in reflux, a lot of people I have spoken to have said the same. I lay ds across my lap on his tummy and pat his back which seems to help him to release his trapped wind, but can 't do it too soon after a feed because of the reflux. I think any kind of routine is unrealistic to be honest as the reflux means he wakes at random intervals. We have some days where he takes 3oz every 2 hours rather than 6oz every 4, with lots of whinging and no sleep. I did ginaford with my other 2 and they just slotted into it, there is zero chance of that with this one!

Jemzy12345 Thu 17-Dec-15 08:23:26

Sometimes they say the baby can be grumpy if had a traumatic birth and a lot of people recommend cranial massage to help that's why I wondered if u had a bad one.

Reading your post about him looking hungry does he look left and right really quickly looking squirmy and then if you put boob there he searches for it crazily but then doesn't want it ? Or sometimes has a scared look on face ?

Does he seem more content in mornings ?

Windingstreamswithoutends Thu 17-Dec-15 08:35:20

There's lots of advice here but I also just wanted to reassure you. It will get better. You will sleep again. Hang in there

Jemzy12345 Thu 17-Dec-15 08:39:23

The symptoms shown on this website may or may not describe your little one. But worth a look.

Redhead79 Thu 17-Dec-15 13:37:22

Fingers crossed it is a phase - I've just had 2 really good nights and hopefully turned a corner...
After watching some Harvey Karp on YouTube (discovered it while looking at different burping techniques) we've made a few small changes which have made a difference. First we put her arms back in the grosnug so she's half swaddled and are also putting her in a phil and ted coccoun we bought secondhand and the result is she's sleeping on her own in the phil and ted in the snuzpod. Also she's much calmer so night feeding is better which I think is helping with the wind.
I would suggest you give the swaddeling a go.....
Ps mine spits the nipple out also then wants more but she only really does this I the day

Nottalotta Thu 17-Dec-15 14:21:05

Not rtft sorry.....

DS went through this. He was prescribed gaviscon. I mixed it with boiled cooled water and syringed in. Wasn't told to use milk or bottle. He won't take a bottle anyway. I mixed it with much less water than suggested (gp advice) otherwise its loads of watery stuff to get into a squirmy baby. Used Calpol syringe. It did help but then made him constituted which along with the faff of giving the gaviscon was far worse. It did seem to break a cycle though and he stayed better after stopping gaviscon.

I held him upright for 20mins after each feed. Co slept, he would often stay latched and comfort sickle which seemed to help. And worked HARD on naps, so whenever he was ready for a nap i would do something that woold guarantee sleep (as much as possible) so currently napping every 2 hrs, wake at 8 by 10 we are in the car. 2 hours spent at baby group/shops/whatever then in car again. Or Pam/sling/whatever works. I think the sling helped with reflux/wind as kept him.upright.

bunny85 Thu 17-Dec-15 17:30:46

Jemzy, yes to all of your questions! What does that mean?? P.S. He eats really well though, gains loads of weight (380g for the past week!) and plenty of wet and soiled diapers. Just in case it's relevant. Also, sleeps really well when on his tummy laying on my chest or on his bf pillow after feeds. You made me curious!

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