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4.5 month old - sleep gone to pot

(18 Posts)
Fleurchamp Mon 30-Nov-15 09:16:58

Hi all

I really need your help with my 4.5 month old DS.

He has never been a great sleeper - naps have been virtually non existent but at least I had the comfort that he would get a reasonable amount 9/10 hours overnight. Until now.

His bedtime routine has been in place since about 10 weeks and from 12 weeks he was consistently going down by 8, wake or dream feed around 10.30 and then another brief (30 mins) wake up anytime between 1 and 3am and then up for the day at around 7.30am.

Once this seemed sorted (!) I concentrated on daytime naps and managed to get into a semi routine of 45mins/ hour in his cot around 8.30am, in the pram for an hour + around 11am and then another 45min/ hour nap in the pram or sling around 2pm.

but now his nighttime sleep has gone haywire. He is getting later and later to sleep and is waking more in the night.

Last night he didn't go down until after 11pm (we started bedtime at 6.30pm) - he screamed the house down. Woke at 3am, fed for half an hour and took an hour to settle then woke at 7. So he got about 6.5 hrs sleep. The most he gets in a day is about 3 hours - this isn't enough is it?

Right now he is refusing his 8.30am nap. He is just moaning. I am leaving him to it though as I am exhausted.

He is BF but since 6 weeks old he has had a bottle of formula at 7pm. For the past couple of weeks he has been unhappy taking the bottle (which has previously been fine) and will only settle after having boob sad

I feel utterly trapped and disheartened. I have a night out soon (my first for two months) but I just won't be able to go if he carries on like this. Plus we are going to my ILs for Christmas but I don't want to go if it means me having to deal with DS in this way.

Why won't he sleep?? Where can I turn for help? Will HVs be useful or just read from a sheet like mine seem to do?

I am beginning to think there is something wrong with him.

Fleurchamp Mon 30-Nov-15 09:19:11

He is now screaming
I want to just walk out the door and keep going.

He ruins everything.

jamhot Mon 30-Nov-15 09:22:15

It sounds like the 4 month sleep regression has hit. There are good threads here about it. It will get better, but it is tough at the time. Really tough.

saranga Mon 30-Nov-15 10:47:21

It's the sleep regression, its normal but its awful. We've got a support thread going, come join us. Apparently it just stops. We're about 4 weeks in. It's not as awful as it was at the start.

Fleurchamp Mon 30-Nov-15 15:52:00

Thanks all

The thing is, his sleep peaked at the beginning of October and has been on a gradual decline.

Today he has not napped at all. I am tired and frustrated and a completely crap mother - I have shouted at him sad

He is currently in his pram - I have walked miles today in the rain but he just grizzled all the way. I have also tried the sling. He had a small cat nap on the boob (literally 10 mins) but that's it.

He is crying but I have just turned the white noise up to the max and left him to it. I hate him today.

To top it off my DH has messaged me to say that he is overwhelmingly tired and has to work late so will stay in a hotel (his work will pay). My mum is away and so I have no help at all.

Plus I split coffee all down me.

I fucking hate my life right now.

Touchacat Mon 30-Nov-15 16:52:28

Mine is 5mo and we've had a difficult time settling her too over past three weeks. It's improved these past few nights so think the problem is finally sorting itself out. Believe me, we've done nothing different. It just seems to have been a phase that we couldn't do anything about.

Naps have never been great for us until recently, again improving, so I think it was a regression and we're out the other side. Hopefully.

Hang in there, not a whole lot you can do but be patient, with him and yourself.

spanisharmada Mon 30-Nov-15 16:59:37

Ah OP I remember this well, honestly it does improve! Have a look at the other support threads, you're not a bad mum we all go through it. When it gets too much put him in his cot and go take 10 mins out, there's nothing wrong with that.
Your DH owes you a break when he gets back!

Ahardmanisgoodtofind Mon 30-Nov-15 17:04:29

Minds a cat napper in the day, will only settle when breast Fed, at night she's suddenly decided No sleep until 11ish,up at one and five, she was sleeping 8-5 quick feed back of til 8ish.have you tried a dummy? Could he be teething?
You're not a crap mother, your bloody tired and stressed. I finally got dd to sleep yesterday and ds woke her straight up. I screamed into a pillow for a good five minutes then stuck my face in some cold water and screamed again (odd but refreshing). Don't shout at him,it'll make things worse,just put him down and take five minutes for your self to 're group.
It'll get better, keep with your routine, I've just started baby massage, then feed and dd seems to sleep quite well after (long enough to get my self a cat nap/some sanity).

scrivette Mon 30-Nov-15 17:11:08

Oh no, the 4 month sleep regression is so frustrating.

Can't offer much advice except it should pass. If he falls asleep when feeding could you just sit with him on you so that he gets a good sleep and is happier for a while? Means you get to rest too, especially if you have a book, snack and drink.

Fleurchamp Mon 30-Nov-15 19:32:42

Battle has commenced.

He had a lovely calm bath and I fed him (given up on bottle for now as it riles him at the moment). He fell asleep in my arms and I transferred him to his cot. I sat there for 10mins and he was happily snoring away.

I come downstairs and start cooking dinner. The oven wasn't even warm before the screaming started. He must have had all of 15 mins.

DH has come home as I cannot cope.

Fleurchamp Mon 30-Nov-15 20:45:57

I have just got him down again but i am not sure how long he will remain there....

FreeButtonBee Mon 30-Nov-15 20:52:30

Have a piece of toast and go to bed. DH in spare room. Honestly. No point in fighting it tonight. Take shifts with your DH. 3 hrs each. Sometimes you have tk batten down the hatches and treat it like newborn again. Good luck. fist bump

kbro79 Mon 30-Nov-15 21:22:14

Op right there with you. I told my son he was horrible on Saturday when he wouldn't go to bed till 1am. Felt like shit about it since. He is 16 weeks old and there seems to be some teething, bit of cold and bit of sleep regression resulting in him sleeping like a newborn again. Too be honest we've given up on attempting bedtime and just keep him up with us. I find the endless back and forth every 2 minutes just too frustrating and end up wanting to lose my rag. It sucks doesn't it?

Lilipot15 Mon 30-Nov-15 21:27:03

I'm with you except mine is a month older. Started to deteriorate around 3 weeks ago and I've abandoned bedtime routine, she is too angry! I've accepted that to function at present I need to get to bed in the evening when she does. And it does pass.

GothJoose Mon 30-Nov-15 21:37:06

I'm no expert (in fact I was initially vilified on mn a few days ago for contemplating not changing dds nappy when she did a poo in her sleep until I explained what a shit day I'd had with her) but could he be teething?

My dds sleep has been awful the past few days and I cracked this morning refusing to get up at 5 after having had only 2 hours sleep and insisted DP had to try and calm her. I assumed it was 4 month sleep regression but this evening, after 2 hours of trying to get her to go to sleep, it dawned on me that she keeps clamping on my nipple today and was desperately trying to get a toy in her mouth this evening and when I felt her gum I could feel something hard which I assume is a tooth. I've given her some calpol and she's gone to sleep now.

Fleurchamp Mon 30-Nov-15 22:05:24

Thanks for the support. He has just gone down again - hopefully he will get a few hours (crosses fingers and toes)

It's awful and I feel terrible. It could well be teeth - I have given a teething powder and some calpol. I hate using calpol unless there is a tangible reason confused but needs must.

I'm anxious now about the night ahead sad

Good luck everyone!

Purpleboa Tue 01-Dec-15 03:04:42

Much sympathy flowers it's so very, very hard isn't it? I'm with you on the anger. My DD is now wide awake after waking hourly. I just do not get it. I thought babies needed sleep?? Not this one. She's never been a good sleeper, but it's got worse this past week (she's 5 months). I honestly don't know how I function some days.

I was thinking of calling my hv too, but I don't expect she'll be able to help.

So utterly fed up. What is the matter with my baby???

Fleurchamp Tue 01-Dec-15 07:49:10

Sympathies to you too purple I knew that having a baby would mean less sleep but I thought things would be improving at this age, not getting worse!

DS woke up at 11.15, went back at midnight and then I went into the spare room until 3am so I could get some sleep. DS went back sleep around 4, I am guessing as I didn't have a clock and then woke at 7.

A relative success!

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