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Co sleeping with two children, does it work?

(17 Posts)
Feathernest Mon 23-Nov-15 12:23:18

I've ended up co-sleeping with my daughter pretty much since she was born. It wasn't my plan, but seeing as she wouldn't sleep anywhere else it's worked well for us. She's now nearly 2 and I'm expecting DC2 in January. I just wondered what other co-sleepers do when another child comes along? Thanks

Itsbloodyraining Mon 23-Nov-15 12:48:39

She's a big girl now, is it not time to start settling her in her own bed and increasing her independence? I wouldn't have thought that continuing co-sleeping would be a sustainable way of life, and better to start training her now before you have your hands full with baby. And don't even start the co-sleeping with baby.

Thefitfatty Mon 23-Nov-15 12:51:22

Works for my family. We've got a nice big bed. Personally, in our family sleep comes first. The kids can go in their own bed when they are ready. (mine are 3 and 2).

Clarella Mon 23-Nov-15 12:54:00

I know many who do, your daughter might decide to go to her own bed with baby in too! Just get a bigger bed! And maybe an option for her own if she wishes. I still semi sleep with my 3 year old. He decided he wanted his own bed aged 2, just with me in it! So he goes to sleep there and if wakes comes in with me.

Itsallaboutme3 Mon 23-Nov-15 12:56:23

Yes worked for us - ds (10 months) dd 3. I say do what works for you. You will have plenty of time to settle then in their own beds. Ds now 2 and dd 5 and both sleep in own beds and it wasnt really that difficult to get them to

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer Mon 23-Nov-15 13:01:01

There are loads of options.

Do you have a partner and where does he/she sleep? Lots of couples in this situation have a phase where the newborn sleeps with mum and the toddler with dad.

You could get a bigger bed. A super king mattress low to the ground/on the floor works well. You have newborn on the outside on one side and toddler either in the middle or on the outside. Obviously, all the normal rules about bedding.

You could keep your older one in the room, but move her to a toddler bed at the foot of the bed. That way she's close, but not in bed. And can be moved with bed when she's ready.

A lot does depend how deeply your toddler sleeps and how much disruption the new baby causes (e.g. are they are bf and back to sleep baby, or a lights-on-to-sort-bottle-then-pace-for-20mins baby, at two ends of the spectrum).

Raining - why shouldn't she start co-sleeping with the new baby? She says it's worked well up to now.

Itsbloodyraining Mon 23-Nov-15 13:16:10

libraries ignore me! I shouldn't have commented. I can't fathom co-sleeping at all! My dc were nightmare sleepers, but we trained them to sleep, and to sleep in their own beds. I just wanted us all to have our own space and a decent nights sleep. You need time to be with your partner in bed etc. My bedroom is my sanctuary and I've tried to create the dcs bedrooms to be the same for them. I just think don't start cos of 'rod' and 'own back'. It's not sustainable, we all need to know how to be on our own. I guess I just don't see the point. But as I said, ignore me!

PeachFuzzzz Mon 23-Nov-15 13:22:49

I do it, with a 6year old and a 4month old. I am in the middle to prevent dd rolling onto ds. That said, I live in a country where this is the absolute norm and kids having own rooms /sleeping separately is considered unusual.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer Mon 23-Nov-15 13:24:19

I can understand that view. I didn't want to co-sleep with mine. But the problem was, mine were utterly resistant to 'teaching' or 'training' when tiny. With DD1 I was regularly functioning on a two hour waking plus at least additional wakings (DH sometimes went to her, but I could never sleep) aged nearly 1! So I was getting about 3-4 hours every night. I wouldn't have been safe trying to repeat that god awful drama for months and months on end with DC2 or 3. grin

Feathernest Mon 23-Nov-15 13:58:14

Thanks for comments, we might try giving her own "big bed" and see what she thinks, but would rather not move her before she's ready if that makes sense. It has worked well for us so why I'm not really keen to add an additional source of stress and upset. Who knows, maybe we'll get an amazing sleeper this time! The issue with my Dd being with just my Dh is that she does seem to be much happier to settle with me, but maybe that is what we will need to do. I know she can sleep by herself because she does it well at nursery, but that is obviously just short naps, and obviously totally different environment.

Itsbloodyraining Mon 23-Nov-15 14:00:13

Yeah I totally get that hardly anything goes to plan with dc. Our first was on a two hour cycle, but he was still in a cot in our room. The cot then got moved into their own room. It was all small steps to independence. I would totally do what it takes to survive, but you need to have a plan of how to bring it to an end too IMO.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer Mon 23-Nov-15 14:09:12

If you are keen to move her towards her own room, a toddler bed in yours (if it fits), or just a toddler mattress on the floor, can be a great start. She can easily climb in without too much disruption but she's also quite easy to return to her own bed if you want to. I know a couple of people who've done this with a lot of success.

FWIW, DD2 was still waking every 2 hours at nearly 2 and in our room. Then a switch flipped and suddenly she slept all night nearly every night. It started when we went away and put her in with her sister for the night (we'd tried this before with horrendous results). I suppose what I'm saying is that she's right around the age where a nudge in the right direction might be all she needs.

Whattheuh Mon 23-Nov-15 14:21:14

Worked for us,2 year old on bedside cot and newborn in our bed.then first one went to her room at 4 without any trouble,and little one moved over in the bedside cot.everyone got to sleep :-)

Thefitfatty Tue 24-Nov-15 05:33:28

Who knows, maybe we'll get an amazing sleeper this time!

With my DD she was straight in the bed from night one. And she is a phenomenal sleeper as long as she is next to me. She regularly goes 7 till 7, and occasionally 7 till 8. She will do a few hours by herself (normally enough for DH and I to enjoy some quiet time), and DS will sleep by himself now (as long as I cuddle him to sleep) till about 2am, then he's in with us. I think part of it is she had a routine with co-sleeping from day one and there was no struggling to try and put her in her own bed.

DS has started saying (after he saw bunk beds at Ikea) that he wants DD and him to be in his room with bunk beds, so in a few months when they are both a bit older (I think they are a little young still for bunk beds, but DS should be ready for the top bunk when he is 4) we will put them in a shared room.

Till then I will enjoy my night time cuddles. ;)

Lilipot15 Tue 24-Nov-15 08:37:15

About 4 months before my baby was born I posted a similar question as my then 13 month old was usually ending up in with me for second half of the night. Really weirdly in the middle of packing up our house to move, staying with relatives and going into the new house she decided she was going to sleep through in her cot! She had been used to napping in her cot in the daytime though.
We then resorted to controlled crying at 16 months which helped amazingly and got her to sleep a good hour earlier than with me in the room.
I have to say I think the way my baby is at night that it may be hugely disruptive for my eldest - baby feeds 2 hourly and has a LOUD cry!!
I think you need to make sure your eldest has a nice bed that she identifies as hers to escape to if she wants to!! Mine now asks for bed at nearly 2. We made a big show of big girls pillow, duvet, her own toys etc.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

vichill Tue 24-Nov-15 08:56:43

I had a cosy vision of toddler in between me and dh and baby in a bedside cot. It didn't work. Baby too noisy doing what newborns do, grunting, mewing cluster feeding. Dd a light sleeper and enraged by me turning away from her to attend to the baby. She did kind of take to the big girl Peppa bed but only for first few hours of the night.
Now I sleep in marital bed with the baby. Dd starts night in cot bed then gets in with her dad on a single bed on her bedroom floor sometime in the night.
Baby is six months and dd 2.5. No sanctuaries or wild nights of passion here but nobody is on their own and everyone gets enough sleep.

Booboostwo Tue 24-Nov-15 10:22:49

DD moved in with DH when I was in hospital having DS and we encouraged her to stay with him because looking after a newborn is quite disturbing during the night. They are now 4.5yo and 14mo and DD chooses where to sleep each night. She usually spends one night with DH and one night with DS and me. DS adores sleeping with her, he stops breastfeeding to grab her arm and they sleep hugging each other, it's very cute! Also if one sighs during the night the other one sighs as well.

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