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"It gets better at 12wks"...LIES!

(5 Posts)
Packergator Thu 12-Nov-15 04:25:30

LIES! Damn evil lies.

When I was desperately struggling with sleep deprivation and borderline PND in the early weeks (windy, colicky baby) almost every worldly-wise mother I met told me the same thing..."hang on in there, it gets better by 12 weeks- he'll be like a different baby!". It was literally the only thing which kept me going; this promise that things would improve come week 12. So I soldiered on through the sleepless nights and nap-free days. As predicted, DS's wind gradually improved (with the help of Comfort formula), he started napping in the day like a dream, then around week 8 he dropped all but 1 of his night feeds and started sleeping from 9-4, then 5-7. I felt human again! smile

Then. Come week 10. He suddenly, inexplicably starts waking at 1.30am. Ok, dummy in, eventually settles. The next night, he wakes at 12.30 and 2.30am, then 3.30am. The night after that (and every night since) he wakes every. Single. Hour. From 9pm until I can drag my knackered carcass out of bed to take him downstairs. For the last week and a half. He hits the magical 12 week milestone on Saturday and things are getting WORSE, not better! sad In fact, this is the worst he's EVER been, even when he was teeny tiny.

He's still on Comfort formula. He's much, much better at bringing up his wind during/after feeds, isn't colicky (in fact he rarely cries; everyone comments on what a happy, laid back little dude he is) so I just don't understand why this is happening. He's gone back to kicking and farting loads at night too which he used to do when windy. He kicks so violently it makes our bed shake! (He's in a Snuzpod attached to our bed)

We've changed nothing. He often has two big naps in the day- 1.5-2 hours at a time, one in the am/one pm- and a shorter one in between. He takes 5 6-7oz bottles during the day and one night feed around 3-4am. (I'm reluctant to start feeding him more again- he doesn't really properly 'wake' in the night, just kicks and groans and shouts and windmills his arms...but his eyes are closed the whole time so I've just been using his dummy to settle him). We have a bath, massage, story, bottle, bed routine in the evening. He sleeps in his bedside crib upstairs in a darkened room (we've found he prefers the dark).

Any ideas? I've read about sleep regression but this isn't supposed to happen until week 16, right? I'm using the 'Wonder Weeks' app (calculated on due date like it tells you to, not actual DOB, even though DS was 2 weeks late) and he's meant to be in a 'sunny' period at the moment. It doesn't feel very bloody 'sunny' right now! Heeeellllp!! crumples on floor

Fluffybrain Thu 12-Nov-15 05:55:29

Sorry you are having a rough time. It could be he's teething. That can start at any time and present many different ways. It could be that he is on a growth spurt and is waking up hungry. Does he seem hungry to you? Every few weeks my Ds1 would get insanely and could have a bottle at every hour for a few days. I seem to remember giving him infacol with every feed to make sure his wind came up. It doesn't always help when people tell you 'if gets better' because although it's true things get easier generally as they get older, they go through phases and you just get to grips with one phase and the next one starts. How are you feeling other than feeling knackered? You mention borderline pnd. Have you talked to your doctor about anti-depressants at all. Might help. Do you have much family support. Sounds like you need a break. You are allowed to take a break if you have someone to help out for a bit.

spillyobeans Thu 12-Nov-15 06:29:50

I feel for you, when mine was newborn he slept like a dream, ebf every 2 to 3 hours but went down so easily to sleep. Then at about 8-14 weeks he had a predictable pattern of a 2 hour nap at about 9-11 then another one in afternoon. All great, then was sleeping from about 11pm till 8am with maybe 1 feed, which he did and went straight back to sleep - all great. Then week 15 hit. Before he was sleeping in a moses basket, but hes grown so quickly that he outgrew that and pram insanely fast so we had to start using cot. He dropped all his naps. He used to like being swaddled, or falling asleep on me and then transfered to moses basket, overnight he decided he hated swaddling and if he fell asleep you couldnt move him as he would wake and scream. At night he wont go down untill 2am then wakes every hour or less and sometimes wakes after 1 hour and stays awake for 3-4 hours. He will not be settled to sleep. Ive been told by pil he must bd teething, but theyve said this since he was a month old and hes now 4 and a half month! I did laugh at the dragging your knackered carcass out of bed as i too feel like that, its horrendous isnt it

Packergator Thu 12-Nov-15 20:34:22

I thought about teething (ha, that autocorrected to 'twerking' the first time- he's definitely not doing that!!) because he's not hungry in the night. He doesn't seem to want cuddles or reassurance either (never, in fact. He's very independent and when you try and squish him he just wriggles and grumbles).
He's been in his cot from the third week. He used to do his first 'big' sleep from 8-1 in his basket then 2-5 in his crib. We graduated on to crib only at 6 weeks because he was starting to outgrow his basket and he likes to sprawl. We don't swaddle (he hates it). I'm just wondering if maybe he doesn't have enough room in his Snuzpod? It's quite narrow and when he naps on the floor downstairs during the day he really flings his arms wide. He can't do that in his pod and I often hear him hitting the sides in the night. Maybe we need to put him in a bigger cot rather than the side sleeper?

Thanks for the concern re: PND but I don't think it's affecting me at the moment. Back when he was 2-3 weeks I would get nausea and stomach cramps and think about running away in the evenings because I was dreading the nights so much. I don't feel like this any more. I've just accepted that this is how it is and how it may be for a while but there'll come a day when things do improve and I shouldn't be wishing the days away because each one is precious, no matter how knackering! I think maybe that's where the 12 week thing comes from; things don't get better, maybe YOU just get better at dealing with them!

Fluffybrain Mon 16-Nov-15 14:39:09

Yes perhaps try a bigger cot. It won't be long until he is rolling and sitting pulling himself up on the sides having fun. Glad you feel better than 3 week mark. Yes I remember dreading the nights in the early days. Secretly planning my escape! It's a bit of a social taboo to say you are finding it hard after having a baby. I remember looking at new baby cards that said 'you must be so happy' and i had never felt worse physically or mentally. But it's all part of my experience. I love my boys. But babies are really hard work and caring for them pushes you to the edge of what you think you can cope with. By the way, I don't think teething makes them hungry at night. If all else fails you could try some calpol and see what happens.

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