Co-sleeping stress!

[lizzyp123]

Hi there I'm hoping someone might be able to help with this. I have a little boy who is nearly two who goes off to sleep in his own room and then wakes in the night and comes in with me and husband in our bed. We have an open sided cot next to our bed that he goes in. We ended up in this situation as our little one would wake up several times a night in his own room crying and it would take us hours to get him off again in there and we were exhausted. I actually quite like co sleeping now, but just discovered I'm expecting and I'm really worried about what we are going to do as we will want to have the baby in our room for first few months in a moses basket. I am really anxious about trying to get two year old sleeping in his own room again because it was really upsetting when he was crying to come in with us originally. I don't want to do controlled crying as I find it really distressing and end up crying myself. I wondered if anyone had any tips for moving a quite wilful toddler into his own room without too much upset, or if anyone had done co sleeping with toddler and baby together and how was it? I am worried that baby will keep waking toddler up?! Sorry this is such a long thread and thanks for bearing with it!

[Caillou]

Hi,

I am co-sleeping with my 4 years old, and I have a 4 months old,
When the baby was born, she wanted to sleep in her own room like a big girl but she always ended up coming back to us in the middle of the night.

We didn't insist on her sleeping in her own bed at the time, as that would have been imo the worst time to do it (didn't want her to feel rejected/replaced)

The first few nights of all of us in the same room dd1 was waking up when dd2 was making noise/waking up, but now she is used to it and couldn't care less.

Luckily dd2 doesn't co sleep as it would have been tight, she is in a crib next to me.

[Purpleboa]

No experience here sorry but it sounds hard for you. What I have heard works and had been suggested on here is some kind of reward chart? So if he stays in his bed then he gets a sticker, 5 stickers lead to a treat. Don't know if this would work.

Or maybe working with him to make his room extra special so he feels proud if it and comfortable to be in there.

Sorry, I'm not an expert (although it's a problem we may face in the future with our dd1) but good luck!

[JoandMax]

DS1 was similar when DS2 was born, he would start in his own bed then come into us in the night.

We didn't want to do any type of CC so ended up buying a huge bed and all sharing! DS1 went in between DH and I and then baby DS2 next to me. He was never disturbed by DS2 but did start to want to come in less and less and was sleeping happily through in his own bed by the time DS2 was a few months old.

Good luck! These things always have a way of working themselves out and children change so much just go with the flow and I'm sure all will be fine

[HappyAsASandboy]

My advice would be to not worry about it too much if your currently happy with the situation. Co sleeping with DC of different ages can work just fine.

I do bedtime on my own with 5 year old twins and 10 month old baby. I used to do stories and bed in the twins room and then let them come in to us when they woke, but once the baby was borne found that too hard.

Now, the twins and the baby and I read stories in my bed, and the three children all fall asleep there. When my DH comes to be, he lifts the twins into their own beds, and we cosleep with the baby. One or both of the twins invariably joins us at some point in the night.

What I did ensure is that the baby had a safe place that was OUT OF BOUNDS to the older ones. In our case it is a cot with the side down, next to my bed. When baby was little, he would be in the cot, and I didn't let anyone sleep between me and the baby. That's a bit more fluid now the baby is bigger, but I am still careful about who sleeps where in the bed and what covers/pillows they have.

In your set up, I think I'd start to transition your older child out of the cot. The baby is likely to need it within a few weeks/months of the birth, and I would worry the older child would feel pushed out if they suddenly had to give up the cot. Could the older child fit in the main bed between you and DH? Or is there space for a single bed alongside your DHs side of the bed? Then you could put the cot away for a bit, and get it out again later when the baby needs it. It would hopefully help your oldest to not feel pushed out.

In our experience, the baby crying very rarely wakes the older two, even if they're in the bed with us. I guess we're all used to movement/noise in the night, and so sleep through things that we don't need to wake for?

[HappyAsASandboy]

Oh, and I agree with the idea of a big bed! We have a single + king sized + side less cot all pushed together, so about 10' of bed space! And we use varying combinations of double, single and cot duvets to ensure we're all warm but that the baby doesn't get smothered. And sometimes I end up sleeping across the bottom of the bed ....

Basically, my advice is don't panic, just adapt as you need to and try to be sensitive to everyone's feelings.

[Artandco]

We co slept and still do something with x2 its fine. My eldest was 1 year when baby was born. We just had a big enough bed!

When eldest was small he slept in between us. When next was born we moved eldest next to dh on the edge for a few months with newborn in the middle ( in a sleep cocoon thing). From youngest around 6 month they both slept back in tHe middle next to each other. They did that for around 3 years. Now eldest is 5 they generally sleep in own beds but sometimes fall asleep in ours or come in early in morning and sleep with us the last bit

[Booboostwo]

See how things go. My DD was 3.3yo when DS was born and she slept with DH while I looked after the baby. DS is now 14mo and they love sleeping together. They cuddle, hold hands, sigh together, it's adorable.

[redcaryellowcar]

I found the no cry sleep solution books very useful, even if just for ideas on ways to co sleep safely. I wonder if a version of gradual withdrawal might work if you are keen to have your older one in his own room?

[jellybabybumbum]

Hi,
All I can give you in an account on how my husband coped with our co-parenting stress.
Our son slept with us for months! By a year my husband had enough I was actually okay with it as I loved constant snuggles with my little man. I'm a VERY heavy sleeper so getting our son into his cot was all down to my hubby.
It took about 3 weeks to a month of terrible nights but eventually it happened and he settled in his cot.
I do miss him a bit but actually its so nice having our bed back!
I think as your expecting another baby, it might be time to dig deep and try and move him into his cot. It might be a struggle at the time but worth it in the end

[lizzyp123]

Hi thank you so much everyone, this has definitely helped me feel more relaxed about the situation. I think we will try and get DS to stay in his cot in his room (Early on so he doesn't connect it to the baby) but if it doesn't work he can just stay in with us. I love the idea of them sleeping together when they are older like yours booboostwo - it sounds lovely x