Settling without me in the room!

[theworstwife]

I have a 10 month old who is generally a good sleeper - he has two naps a day and goes to bed at 7pm, waking around 5.30am. We did the baby whisperer pick up put down around 4 months as I had let him sleep on me up until then and he struggled to settle without me. This worked and me and my husband have been pretty pleased with our selves since!

I had however been in the habit of staying in his room until he fell asleep for naps and at night. He mostly moans a bit, talks to himself and then nods off in 5-10 mins. I think I have made a rod for my own back (I hate that saying, I think my back is one big rod by now) as he can now pull himself up. So as soon as I put him down he stands up and laughs at me or tries to talk to me etc. I'm not sure what to do for the best now? We haven't done controlled crying/cry it out and I would rather not, also I am going back to work and DS is going to nursery so he's going to be a bit upset by this change anyway.

I can settle him to sleep with rubbing his chest/stroking his face etc in 10-30 minutes but don't want to get into the habit of doing this all the time and it would feel like a step back as he can self settle. Any ideas would be great xxx

[FATEdestiny]

I would give him a bit more time and in the mean-time, work on a form of gradual withdrawal.

Consider where you are now and what you are aiming for, then break up the change into smaller changes and do them gradually.

1. you are currently rubbing his chest/face for him to sleep.
   
   
2. For the next week or so move you hand less, still rub but with less vigour
   
   
3. Then start keeping your hand still for periods of time. Maybe rub for a few minutes when first putting down. Then keep hand on chest but keep it still. If he stirs rub again until he stills, then still your hand and so on
   
   
4. Aim for the time when you can rub for a minute or two then leave your hand on him still while he goes to sleep.
   
   
5. Then rub first, hand on chest for a few minutes, then remove hand but stay leaned over the cot. If he stirs, put hand back until he stills then remove again. Stay standing right over him though, so he can see you even tho he cant feel you
   
   
6. Aim for the time when you can place hand on chest for a few moments to settle, then stand next to cot and stay there until he sleeps.
   
   
7. Try settling in the normal way and take a few steps away from the cot but still facing him and watching him. If he stirs you go closer until he settles then step away. Still stay until he is asleep (throughout all of this he needs to trust that you will stay until he is asleep)
   
   
8. Start having reason to do stuff in the room. For example feed, put baby in cot and hand on chest to settle, step away and make sure still settled, then collect together washing, bottle etc to go downstairs. Do some milling around in babys room, but go to baby if they stir to re-settle, then continue milling around in the room here and there.
   
   
9. Start having reason to pop out of room quickly, then come back. For example gather dirty clothes up (milling around in the room) and pop outside to drop clothes in laundry, then come back in.
   
   
10. Start staying out of the room for longer, stay upstairs though and babys door open
    
    
11. The end aim would be that you put down, settle with hand on chest, step away from cot and make sure baby is OK and settling, walk out of room but leave door open, mill around upstairs for 5 or 10 minutes then shut door and go downstairs.

[theworstwife]

Thanks FATEdestiny, that is a very clear way of looking at things and very helpful. I think the gradual retreat is a good idea.

I think the standing up has come as a bit of a stumbling block to us that we weren't anticipating! I have left him stood/sat if he wasn't crying as he can get down himself. If he has started crying I've put him back on his back and settled him - just so he's not crying, not to sleep. I just don't want to end up an a long cycle of standing/putting down, or a fun game for DS!