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Hand holding needed...starting the controlled crying tonight

(27 Posts)
MrsGiraffe12 Sat 15-Aug-15 19:53:16

That's it in a nut shell.
We have a co sleeping cot. DD is now almost a year. For the first 6 months of her life we used it as a co sleeping cot. Then from 6 months till now she was in her cot but the other side of her bedroom.
A week ago I moved her into her own room and every bed time is a battle. She cries and cries until I bring her in my bed.

Me and DH are so tired, I nearly crashed the car having a driving lesson yesterday.

So am doing the controlled crying starting tonight. Am checking her every 5 mins, smoothing her back, going "shhh". She's not been crying for 40 mins.

Part of me wants to scoop her up and hug her but I know it works eventually and it's for our well being.

Any hand holding or advice would be wonderful.

I need wine haha x

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 15-Aug-15 20:02:13

wine

stick with it. It will be so worth it in the end. You clearly can't carry on as you are if its reached danger point flowers

dementedma Sat 15-Aug-15 20:05:09

If it works for you, great. It didn't for us. Dd cried until she was hysterical and vomited everywhere. We didn't do it again.

LittleMissLady Sat 15-Aug-15 20:10:01

I'm currently doing a mix of gradual retreat/ pick up put down with 11month DS.

It is heart breaking!! But you know it will get better, and ultimately their ability to fall asleep alone makes them happier and more rested I think.
Did it with dd (now 3, 18months then) same as I'm doing now and it took almost 2 weeks and destroyed me! But was so worth t for both of us!

Hang in there winethanks

Mum2babelle Sat 15-Aug-15 20:14:43

Be reassured you're doing the right thing. Its tough but works and is kinder in the long run. The earlier you do it within reason the better. Think how hard it will be in a year or two if you give in now...

MrsGiraffe12 Sat 15-Aug-15 20:50:55

She finally fell asleep after an hour and a half. She's sobbing in her sleep but hurrah she's asleep x

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 15-Aug-15 20:59:08

cakebrew

be warned it can sometimes get worse before it gets better. they often "test" us around day 3. stay strong the reliance on you to fall asleep is not a good thing and sleep deprivation is not good for the or development. you can do this star

caravanista13 Sat 15-Aug-15 21:00:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Onamissionfor2015 Sat 15-Aug-15 21:04:09

God we had years of this with dd1, every night was us doing different things to put her to sleep in the most "kind" way and it took hours of crying rocking cuddling shoosginh to get anywhere.

Dd2 we did CC around 9 months and after a few nights she magically started sleeping!

Was torture for those few nights but the way I see it was a difficult week was far easier on her than the months we spent trying to pacify her older sister

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 15-Aug-15 21:05:12

odfod

she's trying to get her kid to sleep. didnt you read the post? she almost crashed the car she was so tired.

She had to try something.

OTheHugeManatee Sat 15-Aug-15 21:05:44

What a ridiculous thing to say caravanista hmm

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 15-Aug-15 21:06:38

And don't you dare cheapen child abuse by linking it to a loving mum and dad desperate trying to do what's best so they all get some sleep and function.

Georgethesecond Sat 15-Aug-15 21:06:50

Don't be ridiculous caravanista you silly cow

MrsAukerman Sat 15-Aug-15 21:10:47

Wow, way to be supportive.

FortyCoats Sat 15-Aug-15 21:11:58

grin caravanista

Such a stupid thing to say, I can only laugh!

OP, hang in there. I didn't do it and had the most awful time getting my 3yo co-sleeper into her own bed. It's tough but will be so worth it.

RabbitSaysWoof Sat 15-Aug-15 21:13:22

You don't need me to tell you but of course it is NOT child abuse. Fucking ridiculous statement.
She won't remember in the morning and rested parents can be more playful parents. We'll done op.

FATEdestiny Sat 15-Aug-15 21:47:16

caravanista13 comes on all CC/CIO threads and says the same thing about child abuse. I think mainly it's just attention seeking, she never comes back to justify or explain. Personally, I just ignore her comments (she's many years away from remembering what parenting a baby was like anyway).

*MrsGiraffe12. I am sorry if this isn't helpful and feel free to ignore, I won't mind.

A week ago baby went into own room. Was she sleeping OK in the corner of your bedroom? Or not?

My brilliantly sleeping nearly 11 month old was sleeping great, all night without waking, at 9 months so we moved her to her own room. Que night wakings and needing to be resettled starting again. Recently bought her cot back into our room. Not next to the bed, in the corner of our bedroom. Back to sleeping 8pm-7am without waking.

My theory is the she does brief 'environment check' wakes in the night. Those 'wake up, shuffle, turn over, back to sleep' things we all do periodically through the night. As long as she knows I am there, she doesn't wake up properly just shuffles and goes back to sleep. But when in her own room she would panic, want to see me so stand up and cry, thus properly waking up and needing to be settled back to sleep.

I and firmly sure that in not-too-long she'll be ready to sleep without my reassuring presence. I will periodically keep trying in her own room. But while she isn't ready, I cannot see what kind of problem there is having the cot in the corner of my bedroom when baby doesn't wake up -even when DH and I are getting jiggy--.

Maybe your baby just needs to know you are there?

MrsGiraffe12 Sun 16-Aug-15 02:02:42

Thanks everyone for the support. Luckily I didn't see the post that got deleted.

I had to move her as I'm due another baby in November and can't fit another cot in our room. Plus she needed me to soothe her when she woke in the night anyway in our room so I think we're being cruel to be kind now.

Though I'm happy to report we haven't bailed and bought her back in our bed yet. Just dealt with s waking so thought I'd check in. She's woke 3 times and I've got her to sleep. Am doing gradual retreat for the night wakes as we have DS who is 7 so can't let her scream x

FortyCoats Sun 16-Aug-15 02:15:15

Well done you and little giraffe smile

Georgethesecond Sun 16-Aug-15 08:17:53

Well done. You know tonight will be better. And the next night better still.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 16-Aug-15 10:19:52

Well done smile

be over very soon

Cathays Mon 17-Aug-15 18:40:12

Hi MrsGiraffe, how did it go last night? Good luck for tonight.

MrsGiraffe12 Mon 17-Aug-15 20:21:09

It went well thanks. Another night of sleeping through and took less time to settle her ��

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 17-Aug-15 20:22:19

Yay go minigiraffe

well done everyone. how are you feeling flowers

ColdCottage Mon 17-Aug-15 20:36:47

If it makes you feel better sometimes they are just cross. Well that was the case with my DS and after 3 nights it was over.

Very similar case to you. DS was in beside cot until 8 months then in a mini cot next to our bed until 13 months.

Moved him into his own room then but after 5 nights staying at my parents in a travel cot in our room (work done on house) so it was less of a change from our room to his in our home.

If you have no luck (sure you will) you could try a few nights away at a friends then she might take to it at home. My DS is quite chilled though so it might just have been luck/personality.

Good luck smile

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