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How do you cope??

(9 Posts)
Purpleboa Fri 31-Jul-15 04:52:47

My DD is 5 weeks and I'm at my wits end with her sleep (or lack of it).

I'm ebf so have been slowly getting used to her waking for regular feeds. And things certainly haven't been as bad as the first week when she would only sleep in our arms! She now settles in her moses basket next to the bed, usually between 8.30 and 9pm. Then sleeps through to about midnight and 1am/1.30am. Another feed again at 3ish, then sometimes hourly wakings until 7am.

However, she's recently taken to waking at 3.30...and that's her awake for ages. And I mean properly, alert wake. I'm writing this now as she writhes around on me with hiccups. I'm in tears, it's so frustrating and feel angry with her.

My DH is asleep in the spare room, we decided that would be best as he has work. But I feel very alone with it.

It doesn't help that today I went to a new mums group, where the majority said their babies were sleeping through (most were ff). It made me feel envious, resentful and guilty - what the hell am I doing wrong?? I have tried everything they suggest - darkened room, no play or eye contact, soft music and light show, shush pats... It it's ineffective. It feels like things are getting worse and I had hoped they would be improving as she gets older sad

She naps duringthe day although usually when we're out, so I'm not getting naps in.

Can anyone hand hold/help? I don't want to cosleep (don't think she'd take to it anyway!) Even just to know I'm not alone with this...

Turquoisetamborine Fri 31-Jul-15 05:02:24

My son is 14 weeks and has a similar pattern but at six weeks he definitely knew nighttime was not playtime and would settle easier after night feeds. He's breastfed but has a bottle of formula about 9.
It'll get better. He still wakes twice for feeds but that's to be expected.
Your friends are either very lucky or lying.
The only other thing I if is put the hairdryer on to provide loud white noise and it really settles him.

BabyHaribo Fri 31-Jul-15 05:04:53

5 weeks!!!

She sounds as if she's sleeping brilliantly for her age. Very very few baby sleep through at 5 weeks. They are not meant to they need milk and cuddles. Ignore those other mothers. You sound as though you are doing really well.

As for how to cope - can your partner take her in the evening/morning at weekends so you get a break?

You really do get used to being tired - I'm up with my 12 month old and I've only had about an hours sleep so far tonight!

Cliche but it will get better and you will cope meanwhile eat lots of cake - you need it for breastfeeding grin

pinksummer Fri 31-Jul-15 05:09:58

You are most certainly not alone. I'm sitting here with my 7 week old Ds2.
I can really relate to those hour long wakings, I had a few nights with them.
Are you able to just lay her down in her Moses next to you while she writhes away. You may be suprised that she is happy to lay on her own doing that. It really helps them to learn how to self settle.
Otherwise the best advice for stopping yourself getting annoyed with her is to just embrace it. Pop her on your chest, get mumsnet on and try and enjoy the cuddle.
I know this isn't helpful when you are exhausted but remember that newborns can't really stay away longer than 90mins so she has to nod off at some point.
It's a cliche, but one that works, the moment she sleeps in the day, you do the same. It won't last forever I promise!

redcaryellowcar Fri 31-Jul-15 06:08:56

I'm sorry you are so tired, I've got two dc and know what you mean. But I think what your dd is doing is really good, in fact I'd have been delighted if either of mine had slept as much!
I honestly wouldn't believe that your mummy friends are being entirely truthful, and I think everyone has different definitions of sleeping through, I believe the medical one is five hours straight!
In answer to your how do you cope question, firstly go to bed as soon as possible after your daughter, try to get the same sleep as her in that first longer stretch. A sleep expert told me to try to get a stretch of three hours at the beginning of the night as that is when you get some good restorative sleep.
I also think napping with them at least once a day was important partly because one of mine slept better with me there (a whole different story and sleep issue) and we could then get a bit of rest.
I can promise you that although it feels exhausting now. Shortly after they regularly do 10-12 hours straight you will hardly remember this, just that it was tiring!
Ps I'd keep breastfeeding as although a bit anecdotal a friend said only yesterday that she coped well with the sleep depravation until she stopped breastfeeding and switched to formula and suddenly was even more exhausted, and thinks it was her hormones that kept her going!

Purpleboa Fri 31-Jul-15 07:33:44

Thanks so much everyone! Your support and kind words really, really help. Feeling a bit more sane now, she slept from about 5.45 to 7.

I was coping fairly well until now, think it was lying awake worrying about what she should be sleeping that got me into a downward spiral. And as we all know, those early hours are when everything seems hopeless!

I've c tried self settling. Occasionally it works but most of the time she's wise to it and starts to cry! We have a bad relationship with our neighbours (whole other story but they're not particularly reasonable or nice people) so am worried about her crying aggravating them.

DH has been very good and will take her for an hour or so before work, and at weekends too.

Maybe it doesn't help that I am still determined to have a 'normal' day of doing stuff, getting chores done and meeting people. I guess I have a fear that I will have 'failed' if I don't get dressed/leave the house. Need to put my body's need for rest first, I kno.

It reassures me that this is normal and that I'm not alone. This too shall pass...that's my mantra atm! Thanks again smile

poachpoach Fri 31-Jul-15 13:20:09

I have a 15 week old, and I was just the same as you! Wanting to be out and about and my good friend kept telling me to slow down. I was so determined. And at about 9 weeks I just hit a wall from sheer exhaustion!

I changed tack and started spending a lot more time under the duvet in the mornings, only one big trip out each week, aside from that some local baby groups and walks around the park. Just getting to know the lo in our own space. And yes, Pyjama days!

It won't be long before you're getting more sleep, but just now you should take it easy on yourself, and don't force yourself to do too much. Now I'm going to take my own advice and have a nap! And I'm stealing that mantra :-)

pinksummer Fri 31-Jul-15 22:07:04

Sod trying to have a 'normal' day. Now is the time to embrace the newborn fug. Don't feel guilty if you stay on the sofa all day watching cranky old films (pitch perfect for me this week).
My housework also slides. As long as there aren't bowls of crusty food laying about and the loo is respectable for unannounced guests then that is satisfactory for me!

BumWad Sat 01-Aug-15 03:15:57

I have a 10 week old (3 weeks corrected) and I think your baby is doing great! There is still no real pattern to my DS at night but like others have said I have lowered my expectations and have just gone with the flow.

How do I cope? Dh give as bottle of ebm around 10pm ish which gives me a 3 hour block of sleep.

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