Clueless new mum. help please.

(12 Posts)
Nottalotta Sun 26-Jul-15 01:12:51

I had my first baby on Friday lunchtime. I have no real baby experience and am in hospital still following a c section. Baby feeding well/constantly, and is happy to sleep on me once fed. He's not happy to stay in his cot for more than 20 minutes or so.

I have been told off for falling asleep with him laid on me. Not sure what to do? I know its early days. Is it ok for him to sleep on me, on his belly? If i put him in the cot he gets on his side straight away.

Any advice appreciated.

akaMama Sun 26-Jul-15 01:52:00

First of all congratulations on the safe arrival of your baby boy, and on becoming a mum.

My first baby was born by emergency c-section so I can totally relate to your situation. (I have 3 DS, 7,5 & 3)

I think it's fine for your baby to fall asleep on your tummy because he just wants to be close to you, however, not a good idea for you to fall asleep to as he could roll off you. Will they allow you to lie him by your side in bed with you?

Best advice I can give is don't worry about things too much and trust your instincts. You r doing great ��

Baffled2012 Sun 26-Jul-15 02:04:27

I had a c section for DC 1&2. First was so easy. Slept on his own. Fed really easily. Didn't need winding. Honestly perfect child but as it was my first I didn't realise how lucky we were. Number two however came out desperate for food, gave me a love bite on my chest she was trying to suck anything for milk. She was a nightmare to feed. Always crying. Didn't like being put down. Was very sticky.....and on and on. Most of the problems sorted themselves out but one thing that really helped with her constant need to be held was a sleepyhead for her cot. I think she missed the snug secure feeling she had in the womb. She's 8 months now and has just gone into the bigger version. She's better but not great as you can tell from the time of my post. She struggles to self settle but that's a whole different story. If you are still in hospital ask if they have one. Our local one did - maybe not a sleepyhead but something similar. Other brilliant product for keeping them snug is love to dream swaddle.

Baffled2012 Sun 26-Jul-15 02:05:01

Sicky not sticky!!

Nottalotta Sun 26-Jul-15 02:36:05

Thanks all. He just had an hour in his cot then another baby woke us. I took him back for a feed and his little hands are cold! I swaddled him in a little blanket but he likes his hands free.

They don't want me asleep with him at all, its making me a bit paranoid though i did lay him in the crook of my arm alongside and he quite liked that.

Hazchem Sun 26-Jul-15 03:19:26

Co sleep or bed sharing us tricky in a hospital bed but really great in your own bed. Having a new born baby fall asleep on your chest is one if the best things in the whole world.

Daffodil1210 Sun 26-Jul-15 03:23:50

Congratulations OP flowers

I feel for you - my DS was a bugger for not sleeping in his Moses basket and would only sleep on me or my DH for the first few weeks.

YY to swaddling, just remember to swaddle loosely around legs or make sure they are in a frog-leg position. I've read on a lot of threads before (while despairing over my DS's lack of sleeping in moses basket!) that it's better to keep his arms in if you can despite the fact he may not seem he wants to be swaddled with them in - he could be waking himself up with his startle reflex (my DS is 9 weeks and has only just stopped doing this). It can often be tricky to keep them in while wrapping him up or he'll manage to escape so definitely worth investing in some sort of swaddle pod if he's a bit of a Houdini smile
The midwives in hospital also showed me how to roll up a blanket into a sausage shape and put it in a "U" shape in DS's MB so he would lie in it and feel more secure, and it occasionally worked so that may be worth a try (just make sure it's short enough so that it doesn't go near his face). I'd imagine the midwives in hospital will be able to show you how to do it if I haven't explained it very well.

Honestly though, although I tried to stay awake when holding him in the early days there were a few times I fell asleep and would beat myself up over it, but it happens and isn't really surprising when you're so bloody knackered! I found that my DH was much better at staying awake so DS would either hold him after a feed and I'd sleep or he'd stay awake while I held DS and slept to make sure he was safe. Not sure if you have a DH/DP that could help you with this when you get home? Midwives and health visitors tend to be very anti co-sleeping in my experience but it can be done safely - there are lots of threads on MN which can help.

We turned the corner at 6 weeks thankfully and DS will now sleep happily in his MB at night (although I'm sure he'd still much rather sleep on me!!) so hopefully it'll get better for you! Hang on in there!

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 26-Jul-15 03:40:40

I don't think there's anything wrong per se in falling asleep with your baby on your chest, but the hospital aren't allowed to condone it, because they don't recommend co-sleeping, so yes, you will get "told off" for it.

Purpleboa Sun 26-Jul-15 03:47:28

Hey notta, congratulations!

Same here - DD did not want to sleep anywhere but on my or DH at first. We ended up taking it in shifts to sit downstairs with her as she slept on us. Not ideal but you do what you do to get through. What worked for us was placing her in her pram cot to sleep, it seemed a more snug space than her moses basket. Once that worked, we moved her to the basket. What helped was warming the basket up with a hot water bottle, it def made a difference.

A month on and DD is great at sleeping in her moses basket. Well, as 'great' as a newborn can be - am breast feeding so getting woken up every couple of hours!

I would say try not to fall asleep while holding your baby - it's so much more dangerous if this happens while you're on a sofa or a chair. It is knackering though, but I promise it will change. Lots on here about co sleeping, personally I wouldn't do it but there's strong arguments in favour and lots of advice on the safest way to di it.

Finally, I read that you should try to enjoy this stage (ha!) if you can, because the snuggly stage goes by so fast and you won't get it back (unless you have another one - ha!) And as another poster said, there's something so special about having a baby snuggled on you smile

Keep on keeping - this too shall pass!

Purpleboa Sun 26-Jul-15 03:50:13

Oh and don't worry about cold hands - as long as their stomach or back is warm, they're Ok.

PerpetualStudent Sun 26-Jul-15 04:45:59

Just to say I remember being in hospital, getting 'told off' for something by a MW - having the window open - then the shift changed and the next MW told me off for having it closed!!
I'd say just smile and nod, and jump through their hoops until you're home and can do what feels safe for you. And FWIW I co-sleep - didn't plan to, but it's how we all seem to get the most sleep!

GreenBoatRedBoat Sun 26-Jul-15 12:35:15

Congratulations on your new baby - I just had a baby on Friday too (although #2) and had to stay in overnight for obs - did with my first too and from experience being in a labour ward is simply horrible and your baby will sleep much better at home when you have help, are relaxed, don't have conflicting midwives advising you and there aren't 3 other babies waking you up all night! hang in there and I'm sure you will find your way when you are at home

.... gorgeous newborn asleep on me while I'm typing this....

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