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CC/Gradual retreat: How do you comfort the child?

(28 Posts)
araminem Sat 25-Jul-15 15:28:00

So far we have been walking or feeding our DC to sleep. Not a great plan. SO we are looking at maybe trying out some sleep training. What I am not very clear about is what to do to comfort the child e.g.
with CC: you go out of the room and come back after a set time if the baby is crying. However, you shouldn't pick DC up, or interact too much. Or have I got that wrong?
And the same with Gradual retreat. You stay in the room, but if the DC starts crying how do you comfort them?

Smartleatherbag Sat 25-Jul-15 15:33:56

I waited till they grew out of needing cuddles/rocking / feeding to sleep. Stress free for me and for them too.

backtoworkblues Sat 25-Jul-15 15:42:59

How old is your dc?

araminem Sat 25-Jul-15 15:45:29

He is 5.5 months at the moment. I know ideally you wait till 6 months at least, but I like to be prepared and am finding it hard to get my head around this one!

Nolim Sat 25-Jul-15 15:55:19

What i did was to return to his room, say good night it is time to sleep, lay him down as he was standing up and leave the room.

I waited for the baby to grow up of being feed to sleep, but i was going back to work and was exhausted! I have no regrets, he is a good sleeper now.

Good luck v

FATEdestiny Sat 25-Jul-15 17:22:01

I wouldn't entertain CC, but there is lots you can do to start helping your baby sleep.

First loose any concept that you need to stop caring or interacting with your child. Of course you do, young children/babies need to feel safe and secure to sleep.

Sort yourself out a comfy place next to the cot. Ideally a bed to lie on next to the cot but if not a comfy chair.

Feed baby, wind, place in cot. Then stay there, leaning into the cot giving as much care, attention, compassion and reassurance as your baby needs.

Of course they'll be lots of crying at first. But you stay with baby patting, stroking, tickling, shushing, singing, talking gentle and reassuringly. Whatever is needed.

Forget no attention. Give tons of attention.

Gradually overtime baby will feel more secure and safe to sleep with less and less of your attention. But it is a gradual, baby led thing

Binglesplodge Sat 25-Jul-15 19:28:59

A lot will depend on the temperament of your little one: at around 6 months I realised my presence, even when comforting him, was making it harder for my ds to fall asleep! I had been in the habit of sitting with him as he fell asleep, comforting if he cried, just being there otherwise. It was taking him up to an hour to fall asleep and there were a lot of tears. He was frustrated that I was there but not playing with him and picking him up but I didn't figure it out until I left the room one evening to fetch something and he stopped crying within a minute! They're all so different and we never did proper controlled crying but now I cuddle him until he's sleepy, pop him in his cot and leave the room. He rolls around a bit to get comfortable and goes to sleep on his own. To get to this point there was a week or so of putting him down and going in to comfort him briefly every time he cried. I didn't pick him up but made sure he had his dummy, stroked his face and tummy and said "I love you: it's sleepy time". Now there is the occasional moan as he's getting comfortable but never real crying and I'd still go in right away if he needed me to but he really seems happier on his own.

caravanista13 Sat 25-Jul-15 19:35:13

Well said Smart! Leaving a child in distress is child abuse.

Nolim Sat 25-Jul-15 19:43:52

Leaving a child in distress is child abuse.

Care to show evidence or laws for that blanket statement?

Nolim Sat 25-Jul-15 19:51:56

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/sleep-problems-in-children.aspx

Taken from the nhs website:

Teach your child to get back to sleep by themselves. First check that everything is all right. If it is, settle your child down without talking to them too much. If they want a drink, give them water but don't give them anything to eat. For this approach to work, you need to leave them in their cot or bed. Don't take them downstairs or into your bed. Let them cry for around 5 to 10 minutes before you check on them. Over the next few nights, gradually increase the amount of time you leave them before checking. It might take a week or two, but if you keep the routine going, your child should start falling asleep on their own.

starlover8 Sat 25-Jul-15 20:03:59

Never leave a baby or child to cry. Be there for them and they will grow up to feel secure and loved

LongLankyLegs Sat 25-Jul-15 20:08:53

I completely agree with starlover smile

Ilovecrapcrafts Sat 25-Jul-15 20:10:02

Lol caravanista are you quite all there? Last week I had to drive 60 miles on the motorway with DD screaming the entire time. Maybe I should just stay at home so my baby & I can have a dull life knocking round the house

Ilovecrapcrafts Sat 25-Jul-15 20:11:11

Also currently trying to get her to take a bottle and she's screaming her head off. Call social services (please, they might know how to do
It better than DH)

starlover8 Sat 25-Jul-15 20:18:24

I stayed home to bring up my son?...not dull at all.....very rewarding smile

Mrsjayy Sat 25-Jul-15 20:19:13

You dont need to do cc put your baby in their cot sit beside them shush them sing to them or whatever you can start now after a feed just lay the baby down and see how it goes after a few weeks they might get into the habit of falling asleep.

Mrsjayy Sat 25-Jul-15 20:21:50

Starlover you are talking bollocks you know that dont you spouting that just makes you look a bit wet, my babies cried they are secure and happy adults

MrsCookieMonster78 Sat 25-Jul-15 20:29:30

araminem to be honest I would get a book or have a look at the MN sleep guide www.mumsnet.com/babies/sleep to get a bit more detail and ignore the responses on this thread which will likely turn into a bunfight because some people on mn have no perspective on CC i.e. leaving a child to cry is child abuse! There are lots of things you can try other than CC but equally if you think CC will work then read up a bit more and I'm sure you will be fine. Best of luck with it.

Binglesplodge Sat 25-Jul-15 20:42:17

This has taken an unpleasant but unfortunately not entirely unexpected direction...

Nobody here is arguing in favour of child abuse. Nobody here is advocating neglect.

Ilovecrapcrafts Sat 25-Jul-15 21:14:36

Star you never left the house shock poor kid and poor you

starlover8 Sat 25-Jul-15 21:46:14

Lol.....never left the house. Everyone to their own hey ladies. smile

RandomMess Sat 25-Jul-15 21:49:03

Please read about Pick Up Put Down, how to teach them to self settle without letting them get distressed.

araminem Sun 26-Jul-15 09:39:48

Oh wow! Just got back to this thread. Thanks for the link to MrsCookieMonster. I will also look into the other methods mentioned. FWIW I don't think letting a child cry a bit is child abuse. Sometimes it is necessary! But I also don't like letting my child cry. Which is why I am trying to find how different solutions work (while maintaining my sanity)

Nolim Sun 26-Jul-15 09:42:15

Good luck op

Iggi999 Sun 26-Jul-15 09:48:04

Your baby is so young, I thought you were going to say he was about two. Unless being with him till he's sleepy takes hours, why not just go with it for now.

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