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Taking forever to self settle!

(32 Posts)
Plateofcrumbs Tue 14-Jul-15 20:05:01

DS is 11mo, usually rocked to sleep but am trying to encourage him to self settle. No matter how tired he is when I lay him the cot, no matter time spent soothing and getting him drowsy beforehand, if I put him down anything less than 100% asleep he takes a minimum of 1hr to settle himself, often getting on for 2hrs. I'm staying in room as he will scream otherwise and I don't think I am up for CC. Getting bored of spending evenings MNing in a darkened nursery. Help?!

timealone Tue 14-Jul-15 20:14:43

Watching closely as I have the same problem and same age DS. It's been about a month since we started the self-settling thing and I thought he would have got better at it by now. He's much better for DH and nursery than he is for me too hmm. He is being a bit of a monkey and standing up/throwing teddies over the side of the cot etc too which isn't helping. I'm considering CC now so would welcome any alternative ideas.

DuhNuh Tue 14-Jul-15 20:18:24

I am also watching but have a four year old sharing 11 month's old room to throw onto the mix. How on earth do you sleep train without keeping the older one awake?! And why will the little one self settle for everyone but me?!

Plateofcrumbs Tue 14-Jul-15 20:29:37

Oh dear, well at least I am not alone!

wine

DS is currently standing up and whimpering. We've been at this since just after 7pm.

DuhNuh Tue 14-Jul-15 20:32:11

Four year old almost asleep. I'm next door with a giggling 11 month old refusing to be rocked, shushed, patted, sang to or simply left to lie on my bed. One hour and counting

DuhNuh Tue 14-Jul-15 20:35:21

No wine in the house. sad

Plateofcrumbs Tue 14-Jul-15 20:41:25

Rocking was OK-ish, at least it got results, but he still fights sleep when being rocked and will bite me repeatedly (not maliciously, more using me as a chew toy) which since sharp little teeth made an appearance is bloody painful and leaving me covered in bruises. Although starting to think 20 mins of being bitten beats 2hrs of tedium and frustration!

Plateofcrumbs Tue 14-Jul-15 20:43:43

No wine duh shock sad

DuhNuh Tue 14-Jul-15 20:54:23

Shhhh little one giving into sleep on my bed...now just got to move her without waking her! I vowed after spending 2 years rocking my eldest followed by a year of 'gradual retreat' I wouldn't fall into these traps again. And here I am doing everything the books say you shouldn't again.

Seriously why will she self settle for everyone but me?! The childminder just sings twinkle twinkle for a minute and she's gone. Granny just leaves her groaning, goes back after a few minutes and she's gone. Whhhhyyyyyy???!!!

DuhNuh Tue 14-Jul-15 20:55:55

As soon as I've figured out how to successfully transfer her I'm off to investigate if there's any beer in the back of the fridge. And have some dinner.

How are you getting on?

MarinaCoyle Tue 14-Jul-15 21:04:39

I'm just going to post a link to an old thread which helped me and my DD around the 10month mark. It is a gradual retreat type thing (sorry DuhNuh!) but it worked for us too.

I didn't do the "leaving her to cry for 10 mins before you go in" thing for night wakings, though over time I got more used to sitting tight for a minute to see if it was a real "I need you" cry or a more halfhearted "Oi, where are you?! I am seriously mad at you for leaving...but.......I'm.........falling..........back.........asleepzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz".

Anyway, have a look and see if it takes your fancy.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/a1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

Plateofcrumbs Tue 14-Jul-15 21:14:04

Finally asleep, after 2 hours! Lost will to live some time ago.

timealone Tue 14-Jul-15 21:56:51

Do we have the same DS crumbs?! Mine also fights sleep when rocking, and uses me as a chew toy.

Sorry for you both that it took so long tonight. Took us an hour, plus a quick resettle when he woke after 30 minutes.

One issue I have with either CC or ignoring his antics, is that he will at some point (usually several times) fall over while trying to cruise around the cot in his sleeping bag. Then I have to intervene which breaks any consistency.

timealone Tue 14-Jul-15 22:00:21

Oh, and DuhNuh, I totally get what you mean about self-settling for everyone else but you. On DS's first day at nursery, which was supposed to be a 2 hour session between naps (I was phoned up and told he'd fallen asleep). His keyworker said "He was rubbing his eyes a bit so I picked him up and he fell straight asleep on me so I put him down in his cot". hmm envy wtf, he wasn't even supposed to be having a nap!

Plateofcrumbs Tue 14-Jul-15 22:33:58

Well I hope the similarities extend to being easier for nursery/childminder timealone - my DS is starting in a fortnight and I have visions of my childminder kicking him out after wrestling a squirmy bitey baby for hours!

Plateofcrumbs Tue 14-Jul-15 22:37:04

And oh yes - tripping over his bloody grobag! Is it wrong to consider tying his legs together? hmm

Oly4 Tue 14-Jul-15 22:46:51

Hello! I am in the midst of this with my 15 month old after being through it all with my now three year old! Remember it does get better.
I am currently putting the baby down after a cuddle and feed and gently rubbing her back for a few seconds while gently shushing. Then I do gradual retreat, repeating the shushing as needed. If she gets up, I genrly lay her back down and at time for sleep. I do that on repeat. It is improving though takes much longer than CC. With my son, I got to the point where I could stand outside his room. Then he turned two and suddenly started sleeping through every night.

DuhNuh Wed 15-Jul-15 18:37:46

Marina I am on night one of trying your method! Fingers crossed

Plateofcrumbs Wed 15-Jul-15 19:30:28

We've been trying the gradual retreat thing for a couple of weeks although not for nap times. We had to have a break in the middle as he got ill, so we are just restarting.

DH is on bedtime tonight which is very very rare - he was squealing like a stuck pig (DS that is, not DH) a minute ago but is currently all quiet hmm

MarinaCoyle Wed 15-Jul-15 19:41:50

Best of luck DuhNuh. It's painful (and painfully tedious some nights) but we did get there in the end!

Plateofcrumbs Wed 15-Jul-15 20:01:37

Well DH put him in his cot and he was asleep in 5 mins (after the pig squealing). hmmshockconfused

ColdCottage Wed 15-Jul-15 22:12:40

I had this problem around the same age (11months) and in the end did do CC. Went up and check on DS after 10 mins then 15 then 20. At first I felt terrible but when I realised he was just cross with me rather than actually upset it was less painful. Within 3 days (with first day taking 1h, second 45mins and 3rd 1/2) he was nearly done, by the 4th day he was asleep in under 10mins and apart from the odd blip in the first 10days now he just goes down.

Last month I accidentally ended up doing for his daytime nap. Put him in the travel cot (staying at parents), went to get pushchair to put him to sleep in, he grumbled but in the 5 mins it took me to get the pushchair from the car and into the garden he'd gone to sleep smile now day time naps are much simpler.

Although it seemed harsh and I couldn't have done it when he was tiny he seems to understand now and will lay down with his eyes open and then drift off.

DuhNuh Wed 15-Jul-15 22:22:26

It took 50 minutes, 45 of which involved DD crying at full pelt. She wore herself out I think. It was hard but didn't take as long as I thought to be honest. DS had to sleep on our bed until she was asleep and has a sticker chart for going to bed without nonsense whilst we crack this (which he's obviously delighted about - he wants a boomerang as his reward at the end. Strange child. I blame Boj). Although DH did have to stay with him whilst he fell asleep so we may end up taking some steps forward with DD and back with DS. The joys! On the plus side I found a can of awful fizzy pink wine at the back of fridge so rewarded myself with that after.

According to the suggested training schedule only 9 nights to go....

MarinaCoyle Wed 15-Jul-15 22:35:47

You have earned that fizz DuhNuh. Enjoy. Tomorrow is another day closer!

Plateofcrumbs Wed 15-Jul-15 22:59:59

Good work duh wine

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