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What happens if he just doesn't sleep?!?

(9 Posts)
missmakesstuff Sat 11-Jul-15 13:08:30

14 wk old ds is great, happy, thriving and feeding well. He's generally happy and sleeps from 7ish most nights after being fed and a cuddle, on our bed. He wakes a few times but I really don't count how many and I feel well rested most mornings, as he just latches on and feeds in his sleep.

But he just will not sleep during the day without serious rocking (crying, fighting against it and spitting out the dummy), being 'wooshed' back and forth in the buggy outside for about half an hour, or being walked about in the sling for several hours.
He never stays asleep for longer than 30 mins, sometimes less. Ivectried blending naps, tried wearing him for quite literally hours, holding, cuddling, darkened rooms...none of it works.

It's now 1pm, he's been awake since 7ish and he's quite happily watching cbeebies with his sister ( who was the same..) and gurgling. But he's had maximum 30 mins sleep all morning.

I am beginning to lose my mind, I've been crying, I have had to put him down and walk away for the fear of doing something horrible, I've thrown things, screamed, cried some more. I'm just so angry and fed up all the time since this started about a month ago. I was doing really well and really enjoying him, now I'm not. Dd. Was the same and I got totally obsessed with her sleep, mind you she didn't sleep during the night either.

So long windedly I'm asking, what if I just relax, not try to get him to sleep, just get on with my day (getting nothing much done though..) and let him sleep if and when he wants to? What's the worst that can happen?

FATEdestiny Sat 11-Jul-15 21:26:20

It's clear that what you need to hear, from reading your post, it to just relax and don't repeat the anxiety you went through with you DDs sleep. Just go with the flow.

Which is all absolutely fine as long as your baby isn't over-tired, because then getting baby to sleep becomes an utter nightmare.

Frequent, short naps are quite normal for the first 6 months. So I wouldn't be overly concerned with 30 minute naps.

PS - Bouncy chairs are great for naps when you have a toddler who also wants your attention too. It means you can bounce baby with your foot, leaving you free to interact with toddler at the same time (all from the comfort of the sofa)

BeakyMinder Sat 11-Jul-15 21:29:55

Oh god mine were both the same. I'd read somewhere that a sleep less than 45 mins wasn't a 'real' sleep, cue loads of stress and worry for me. WHAT a load of bollocks. 30 minutes is totally normal for loads of babies, far as I can make out. You're doing fine OP, just go with it!

Firstimemummy15 Sun 12-Jul-15 12:28:42

I was just about to post about my 24 week old and her 30 min naps. She is now in her own room so when she falls asleep during day and we are home I put her in cot and literally to the minute she wakes after half an hour. If I go for long walks sge will stay asleep but I can't go walking for 2-3 hours every day and don't want that to be what sge associates with sleep. She also wakes 2-3 times a night abd sometimes awake for 1-2 hours in night just cooing ( abd now rolling over!). I just leave her when she is like this as she has been fed, changed etc. I mentioned all this to HV who told me sge wasn't getting enough sleep during day, she needs a couple 2 hour naps and that if sge will sleep on me why don't I go to bed wuth her for a couple hours in the afternoon?!!! (I didn't even do this as newborn and certainly nit starting now!))

So I'm sorry I have no advice, just wanted to know your not alone xx

HoggleHoggle Sun 12-Jul-15 12:43:02

Ds also slept for 30-45 mins at a time. Like beaky I had read that these weren't 'proper' naps and thus my obsession began...

If your ds seems happy on his catnaps then it sounds as though it works for him at the moment.

I spoke to my HV about ds 30 min naps at about 6 months, she said not to worry at this stage. And she was right, ds magically started sleeping longer at about 10 months and now at 18 months he reliably has a solid 2 hour midday nap.

I found the multiple nap stage miserable to be quite honest, felt so much more relaxed once he was on 2 then 1 nap a day.

If he seems happy then I would totally go with the flow for now. I'd work on trying to get the naps longer somewhere between 6-10 months, and I'd do that by being really consistent at one particular set of nap prompts. So when my ds started sleeping longer stretches, this was after a good few weeks of me putting him in his buggy and rocking him to sleep in one particular room with one particular blanket, and at specific points of the day. I know routines aren't everyone's cup of tea but they worked for us...that being said, I wouldn't bother being as regimented as that until you're at least past the 6 month mark. With ds I think he really started to recognise the cues, relaxed into it and stopped fighting the sleep. I've been so much happier since this has happened. I recognise this is all harder when you already have a child though, so am hoping for a magic napper for my best one...

HoggleHoggle Sun 12-Jul-15 12:45:39

Gah, that should read for my next one!

Branleuse Sun 12-Jul-15 12:52:16

You can do everything in your power to facilitate a baby sleeping, but whether he sleeps or not, is not in your control.

You can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

You are the one that needs to relax and let go. He is sleeping well at night, and getting the odd short nap in the day. This is hard for you, but youre doing all the right things, so the rest, just let go.

absterfabster21 Sun 12-Jul-15 19:59:24

My 15 wk old is the same. They say babies have 45 min sleep cycles. If I have to rock/walk baby to sleep he will never nap longer than this sleep cycle. I'll put him down and if I'm lucky he won't wake up and I get 40 mins peace. On a rare occasion he has been able to put himself to sleep when I've got the timing right. After I see one yawn I take him up to his bed and put on Ewan the Dream Sheep, say it's time for a wee sleep, into grobag and dummy in, put him down and leave the room. He talks to himself and whimpers a bit but within 15 mins he will have fallen asleep and will sleep for about 2.5hrs on average! But this has happened about 8 times in the last 4 weeks or so! I feel your pain! I feel like I'm just constantly watching for sleepy signs or a yawn so I don't miss the boat and he becomes overtired then it's an hour of rocking and shushing him to get him to have a 45min nap... Getting them to fall asleep on their own is defo the key I think! But god it's hard! confused

missmakesstuff Sun 12-Jul-15 20:51:36

Thanks all, at least I know I'm not alone! Yesterday after a fraught morning I just gave up and let him sleep in the sling, with catnaps here and there he slept about 1.5 hrs all day I think, then slept from 8pm (took ages to fall asleep, cuddling, feeding etc) then woke at 1am, whichever his usual. Today up later but by lunchtime he'd had two 5 min naps (just when I thought it couldn't get worse!!) and then a 15 min, then 25, then 30... Early bed and it took well over an hour before I could leave him. He's definitely overtired, just happy with it until the end of the day.

I really don't know what to do for the best, he's just going to have to go in the sling lots and early bedtimes till things improve! I also need to relinquish control a bit...

Dd was worse, she never slept more than 20 mins, I was on my knees. However she does now sleep brilliantly through the night. She's 5. (sobs and remembers why the big age gap...)

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