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Please tell me what you would do - I'm the most useless mother and I can't think straight

(19 Posts)
splendide Sat 11-Jul-15 06:43:37

DS is nearly 8 months. Always been a bit crap at sleep but we were doing ok by co-sleeping for a while. He'd do the first part of the night in his cot and I'd sleep with him in his room from about 4.30. However that started creeping earlier and he became increasingly unsettled in the evening so I decided the co-sleeping was probably the issue in that he was waking and instead of going back to sleep he'd shout to be in bed with me. Oh and he'd also often be awake for an hour or so in bed with me so it just completely stopped working.

So I'm trying to stop the co-sleeping and it's sort of worked in that he's gone back to generally sleeping until around 4/4.30 but I can't seem to get him to sleep at all after that!

This morning I've been rocking/feeding/shushing/cuddling since 4.30. Now sat outside his bedroom door crying while he babbles to himself in his cot. He's been crying on and off for nearly two hours but nothing I do seems to make him ok. Even breastfeeding him, he just sort of whined round my nipple. He's definitely still tired which is why he was crying.

Any suggestions? I'm really struggling I can't stand him crying and I feel like the worst mum in the world this morning.

nottheOP Sat 11-Jul-15 06:53:43

First of all, sleep is not a measure of your ability as a mother. Having a loved, fed, warm and happy child is your job. The only person whose job it is to get sleep is a sleep consultant.

8 months is a shocker of a time too, they're often learning so much that their little minds can't shut down!!

When he wakes up, is he just awake, or distressed? Can you leave him to it?

4-4.30 is when it gets light here, have you got blackout blinds and a curtain? I recommend the gro anywhere blackout blinds. They're ugly but really work.

How's the daytime and bedtime routine? Does he nap much or could he be overtired?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 11-Jul-15 06:57:25

I always found that when mine were about to learn something new their sleep was shot for a good few weeks. It could be that he is about to start crawling or something.

4am is also the coldest part of the night too.

And babies like to just keep us on our toes tbh. It doesnt have any reflection on you!

As above - what is his daily routine?

Fwiw my almost 9mo still wakes at least once in the night for milk (ff).

splendide Sat 11-Jul-15 07:10:13

When he wakes he's upset and I can't seem to make it better. I have blackout blinds but they're not perfect could try making them better.

Daytime routine is a nap about 9.30 in his cot or pram, normally 30mins to an hour. Then another nap at 1-1.30 which is normally 2 hours. Bed at 7 fairly happily but DH does sit with him until he goes to sleep.

He's been crawling about a month but has just started pulling himself up to standing so that's a big deal for him I suppose.

I don't mind him having a night feed at all but he just seems to be up for hours. I felt like I was torturing him this morning or doing some sort of harsh sleep training but I was trying my best to comfort him (including feeding)! I just do everything a bit wrong always.

nottheOP Sat 11-Jul-15 07:34:06

The routine sounds fine to me. I think he's doing quite well if I'm honest. Try to adjust your expectations of both of you! Going from 7-4.30 is good and you're just trouble shooting when he wakes up, it's all you can do. He could well be teething so try calpol as soon as he wakes up and then try to settle after 20 minutes. When you go to bed put another blanket on him in case he is getting cold.

I'd also try to go to bed early. If you can do 9-4 you can survive on that until the phase passes.

Stillwishihadabs Sat 11-Jul-15 07:45:43

Could you try and push bedtime later 7 is really very early.....Ds has never slept more than 10 hours,it was definately more like 8 or 9 at that age but he had a 8-9pm bedtime.

RigglinJigglin Sat 11-Jul-15 07:49:26

I found 8-9 months the worst for sleep, DD woke every hour in the night for about 5 weeks. It does pass, be kind to yourself flowers

It was all development linked, she started walking at 9.5m. We continued cosleeping to get through it.

splendide Sat 11-Jul-15 07:49:44

I go to bed at 9 so yes until 4 is good enough sleep for me. It's just so unpleasant for both of us to be up and upset for a couple of hours. Should I just be getting up for the day at 4.30?

splendide Sat 11-Jul-15 07:52:04

Sorry missed last couple of posts. He's a later bedtime is a thought. When it's happened occasionally by accident it's resulted in no later a waking but I suppose we'd need to try for a while with it.

Thanks for the kind words I'm so anxious it's ridiculous.

Stillwishihadabs Sat 11-Jul-15 08:00:15

Ds used to be a shoker for getting up for the day at 5. I did used to suck it up if I'm honest, a good time to do online shopping or get the washing on.I'd then have a nap with him 1-3 wouldn't work with a school run obvs.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 11-Jul-15 09:12:56

Could it be his teeth? Maybe a smear kf bonjela or ambesol when he wakes followed by cuddles in the dark in his room and lay him back down when he settles?

Does he have a comforter? Our 9mo has taken to snuggling into a muslin square at night, he likes to rub it on his face.

Finola1step Sat 11-Jul-15 09:22:42

If he's down at 7, then 4.30 awake during high summer isn't that unusual unfortunately. Iirc, at that age my ds was down by 8 and awake by half 5, 6ish. And this was winter.

The key thing though is to not jump up ready to start the day. A quiet cuddle on the sofa downstairs for as long as possible.

It will get better, especially once the mornings get darker. Have you got really good blackout curtains in his and your bedrooms? Grobag do a really good travel blackout liner which you can stick to windows with rubber suckers. I still use one in dd's room in high summer or she would be up at 4am.

MoominaMama Sat 11-Jul-15 14:01:40

We went through similar early wake ups and actually solved it with an earlier bedtime. If DS goes to sleep at between 6/630pm he will sleep 12 hours. Any later and he will sleep 9/10 hours. No idea why but may be worth a go if you have tried other options.

splendide Sun 12-Jul-15 11:09:34

Thanks moomin might try that. Last night he slept 7-2.30 then was up from 2.30-4am then slept till 5.30. He's so sad at night I don't know how to fix it. In the day he's really cheerful.

nottheOP Sun 12-Jul-15 14:41:11

Aah motn parties, a special kind of torture.. It is developmental 9/10

LadyDeirdreWaggon Sun 12-Jul-15 15:59:42

Definitely try cal pol, ibuprofen worked better than paracetamol for DS when teething.

splendide Tue 14-Jul-15 06:22:42

Same again this morning, we've been up since 4.30. It's making it very hard in the day. Sorry I don't know why I'm posting really, just wanted to share I suppose.

PaulineFossil Tue 14-Jul-15 06:55:38

Can your dh, or someone else give you a break? I agree with others that it doesn't sound abnormal, but we do all need a break sometimes. It's very hard, you have my sympathy.

Everythinghaschanged Tue 14-Jul-15 07:18:09

My two have always been early risers and I think you just have to accept that your day starts at 4.30am. That's better than sitting outside his room crying. If he's got no sleep in him that's it, as we all know.

I'm afraid in my case it's not improved as they've got older. At 9 and 12 they are still often up at 5 or 5.30.

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