My 11 month old DD has been regularly waking in the night every 3 or 4 hours for I don't know how long now...3 months..But it has been bad before that ever since the 4 month sleep regression. It's so unpredictable & if you count the time it takes me to settle agin after being up with her in the night, I am getting 2 or 3 hours in a row, every night, so interrupted and such bad quality sleep. And am incredibly stressed at night. We did CC successfully at 9 months and put white noise in her room and that helped A LOT - she went down to only 1 night waking which was amazing ! This didn't last though as illness and travelling got in the way and now it's worse than ever with a dose of separation anxiety thrown in. She stands up in her cot and screams her head off and then when I go in there and pat her or cuddle her quickly and put her down she is happy and settles herself after a couple mins of crying when I walk out. Then she will only sleep for 10-30 mins before she wakes screaming again...This can go on for 1-3 hours. It's been like this every night for maybe 3 months. I don't like leaving her to cry (even for short periods) and I know she really wants the comfort...but doesn't she deserve a happy and well rested Mum as well? Not one who is not chronically sleep deprived and unable to enjoy parenting at all somedays as she is so tired, grouchy, spaced out, and arguing with her father all the time because of sleep deprivation??
It has got to the point where I feel like if I give her some comfort or reassurance she just wants more and more and more and it disturbs her sleep more and more. She begins to wake every 4 hours or less, doesn't settle well after a feed (before when I was feeding at night) if I cuddle and sleep next to her in the daybed in her room she will be content with that for 10 mins or half an hour and then she will just wake up and start climbing all over me (so much so that I'm worried she will just fall off the bed if I fall asleep so I can't sleep) or fight to get my boobs out of my top and sleep with my nipple in her mouth all night. I feel like if she had a her way at the moment we would be back to newborn -- she'd sleep next to me, tit in mouth (did I mention she has 8 teeth!) , me completely uncomfortable & hardly able to sleep at all.
I feel at my wits end and completely green with envy at anybody who is getting more than 4 hours sleep in a row, it's almost causing my relationship to disintegrate... in the VERY rare nights that I have had 6 or 7 hours in a row (when MIL has taken over at night when we were at breaking point, or when I first used CC successfully) then I feel like a new person, a better Mum and better partner to my DP and more capable of actually coping with every day stuff..I feel like a real human being again and it's addictive...I want to feel like that more often..I can't carry on in this half zombie half irritable bitch half spaced out mum state ....I can't see any other way other than CC or Cry It Out as any interaction or reassurance seems to cause more agitation and upset when it is withdrawn, and my DP is bipolar so cannot really handle the nights very often as he needs regular sleep so as not to trigger BP so hard to implement any gradual gentle longer term approaches. I am desperate ! I totally understand why people just give up and do CIO. Because some nights after the 6 or 7th time of reassuring her and walking out of her room...hearing her settle herself into blissful silence for 10 or 20mins and then just as I am falling back to sleep hearing the most blood-curdling scream imaginable, I don't even hear my darling daughter anymore I am so tired I just hear a demon-child who is being completely unreasonable as asking for more than I can give. I am starting to dread going to bed & avoiding doing things that will be tiring or going away to see friends because I know I can't handle it with the nights like they are. It feels like it's never going to end, like torture !
I feel like for a year I have just been giving and giving and giving (breastfeeding and handling 90% of night wakings completely on my own) and am a SAHM looking after my DD and giving her all my attention and love all day....so now I feel like when night time comes around I have nothing left to give & I cannot go on like this for another year ! Not even another month ! There always seems to be something that disturbs her sleep ...just as we have one or two good nights...then it goes awful again and we think it's because she has a sore throat or a tooth coming or she is ill or it's because we went away for a weekend..always something & it never settles !
It will be worse when she can call out "mama!!" Don't know what to do. The sound of my daughters cries are so stressful and heartbreaking but in my state at the moment it's hard not to resent her and see the screams as manipulating or her asking for "too much" as well. Especially when I go in there and then she gurgles or laughs or climbs on me and doesn't sleep. I am such a present and affectionate mother to her even though I am tired as hell...I engage with her all day long, comfort her, stimulate her through play and outings and let her blow off steam by wrestling with me and being silly...I never just sit there on my phone ignoring her I am always doing stuff WITH her & paying attention to her. Why is it not enough and why can't she just feel safe and cosy in her lovely cot & teddies..which she seems to love and happily goes to sleep in at 7pm with no fuss...WHy does she then wake in the night and scream for me until I almost let her crawl back inside my womb like a newborn bloody baby !!?!?! I don't get it ! Sorry for rant but am at my wits end.
Info-- She's an active little girl who is happy if clingy in the day time- doesn't do independent play very often. She eats solids well & has snacks. BF in morning & evening (as of recently we cut out the day time feeds mostly) Can't walk yet but is trying. Can stand in her cot and does A LOT. I night weaned recently out of desperation...she seems fine with this and now has replaced that with a cuddle and put down and pat...after this she will settle herself with between 1 and 3 mins of crying. Then she wakes 10/20/30 mins later SCREAMING again even when she quite easily settled before. Each waking she works herself into more of a state and needs more attention each time...and this can go on for 1 or 2 or 3 hours. EVERY NIGHT. Then she wakes at 6.30 or 7 for the day. She still has 2 naps a day of about 1 hour each. She seems to REALLY need the morning nap as she is so tired from the night. She has a solid and predictable bed time routine and has done since 3 months old. She has blackout blinds and white noise. I do not feed or rock her to sleep as part of bedtime. She self settles easily for naps and bedtime at 7pm. She eats solids and snacks all day. Has no health issues that we know of ! And was EBF until 5 months. She slept in her own room from 4 months with no fuss.
Any support or advice...strategies or kind words would be SO appreciated. I know my baby is quite high needs and I have been loving and patient and attentive for months and months, especially when she was newborn & I could never put her down & wanted to nurse every 2 hours until 6 months.....I have never been one for leaving her or 'training' her...but I need a solution or a light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like this will never end.
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Feel like I can't go on with this much longer and don't know what to do...can't afford Sleep Consultant...
6 replies
eepie · 22/06/2015 21:03
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