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DH is doing CC...

(192 Posts)
CoodleMoodle Sat 23-May-15 19:52:07

Or a version of it, anyway. I don't quite know what he's doing.

We're on our knees with DD and her almost 15 months of crap sleep - last night up every hour near enough, including an hour where I had to rock her back to sleep in the chair. DH is up there now, trying CC because I'm just not strong enough.

I've rocked her to sleep nearly every night since she was tiny, and right now she's in her cot, moaning and shouting, likely wondering where her Mum is and what the hell is going on. She was singing but now she's just crying, getting more and more worked up, and I don't know what's going to happen.

Sometimes she'll settle with shh/pat if she wakes in the night but she's never done it to actually fall asleep, and I just can't see it happening now. She's slept through the night a few times but for three months solid we've had absolutely horrific sleep, and it just has to stop before we collapse.

Her eating is crap (pretty much nonexistent, today) and her sleeping is worse. She's still in our room because having to get out of bed 20 times per night was bad enough, traipsing across the hall was torture. We did that for three nights at the start of the year until I cracked and brought her back in. I know this was stupid but I was struggling so much. She can be so happy but she's so tired and grumpy and so are we.

I want DH to succeed, but I'm not feeling positive. I should turn the monitor off and not listen but I can't help it.

I want to go up there and just rock her to sleep like I always do. Tonight is going to be so awful, and I'm just so bloody tired.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 23-May-15 19:55:58

Its now or never.

Hang tight. Turn off the monitor. Go for a walk to the pub and have a glass of wine.

SingSongSlummy Sat 23-May-15 19:58:40

Poor you, but you should definitely go out for a walk (or a drink!). It's too hard to listen!

CoodleMoodle Sat 23-May-15 20:15:23

He's given up and rocking her. She's still screaming. He won't let me take over.

If DH can't do it then I don't know who will because I'm not strong enough.

Izzy82 Sat 23-May-15 20:20:44

Coodlemoodle I feel your pain. I've had 9 months of rocking and he's finally broken me. I've roped my mum in to help and today is our first day of CC. it's horrible. been going 20 mins now and he's not letting up

RightSideOfWrong Sat 23-May-15 20:21:04

If she's crying for you, you can't take over. You'll carry on making a rod for your own back and you've said yourself that you can't continue like this.

She'll be okay. Learning to self soothe is hard, but she won't remember and you'll all benefit from more sleep.

Don't traumatise yourself listening to the monitor though! Your DH is with her. She's in capable hands. Turn it off and don't make this any harder for yourself.

caravanista13 Sat 23-May-15 20:22:48

This is pure cruelty. You're the parent - suck it up.

MmeMorrible Sat 23-May-15 20:50:42

Sorry but it won't work if you think DH can do CC on his own. You have be a united front on this. And now you have started you need to back each other up and see it through. It's bloody hard but tell yourself that the alternative - giving in and never getting a decent nights sleep is even harder.

Good luckthanks

TakeMeUpNorthMountain Sat 23-May-15 21:01:49

15 months old is a good time to do controlled crying. Your baby is in a good, calm spot developmentally, minimal separation anxiety etc.

But you need to be consistent otherwise she will be so confused.

Tomorrow, during the day, sit down with your DH and work out your cc plan. No good sleep training decisions are ever made at 4am.

It really should only take three nights for you to see a big improvement in her sleep. Does she have a good, regular bedtime routine? I think that helps so much.

Good luck, the pain is totally worth it.

CoodleMoodle Sat 23-May-15 21:02:31

He got her to sleep after another ten minutes. He rocked her but he's not managed to get her down for bed in a long time, so it's a start. We're going to crack this one way or another.

I stayed downstairs and made dinner. I went up to help but he sent me back down. He wanted to do it for himself.

She's asleep now, and she looks so peaceful. If I have to hold her in the night then I will. I always do if that's what she wants.

CoodleMoodle Sat 23-May-15 21:05:33

Thank you for your kind replies thanks

She's had the same bedtime routine, and the same bedtime, pretty much all her life. She's very routine led, the 'going with the flow' style stopped working at 2 months, so we implemented a routine and everything was better, day and night.

Then this started in February and hasn't stopped no matter what.

Strokethefurrywall Sat 23-May-15 21:05:57

Oh pipe down caravanista13 - CC can work very effectively in a very short space of time used correctly.

I used it with both my babies and they haven't been scarred for life. But I remember how hard it is feel for you OP. DS1 we did at 13 months when i had started driving him around at 2am. Not willing to do that any more we tackled it head on. First night it took the better part of an hour (going in 3, 5, 8, 12, 17 minutes apart) second night took 20 mins, third night he just lay down and went to sleep. No night wakings since as he'd learned the important skill of putting himself to sleep.
DS2 was a year, he was harder because he just wanted hugs so emotionally I couldn't handle it. I had to get DH to do it and I went for a run. He took much less time (3, 5, 8, 11) and was asleep midway through the 11 minute count. Now he gives me a kiss (14 months) lays down, pulls his cuddly toys around him and goes straight off.
It is short term pain for long term gain and in my experience helped in other areas, such as appetite and general demeanor. Ds1 was a miserable grouch bag until he learned to settle himself and would wake up happy. It was worth it for us to persevere.

Wishing you luck whatever you do!

Strokethefurrywall Sat 23-May-15 21:09:10

And also I found that as soon as they learn to go off to sleep at the beginning of the night, they never needed me in the middle of the night after perhaps the first night. It was like killing several night wakings with one method!

Grewupinafield Sat 23-May-15 21:16:48

Controlled crying can be really effective and like others have said, it teaches them such an important skill, self settling. It's about them feeling secure doing it themselves.

But like others have said, you need to keep at it once you've started. It's hard, so hard. I hated hearing mine crying like that, but they soon learn that you are near by and it's safe to go to sleep.

It's not easy the first night (I cried and cried!!) but it gets easier and in the long run will lead to happier baby and parents!

Good luck thanks

Whatabout Sat 23-May-15 21:18:45

Try and think of it as teaching your toddler a skill, one she will use for life.

queenofthepirates Sat 23-May-15 21:28:10

Keep at it and please support your DP in what he's doing-it does have to be a united front to get through it. It definitely works though as my contented little 4yo will attest to

DearTeddyRobinson Sat 23-May-15 21:39:57

Hang in there. I know it's brutal but I promise in 2 night's time you will be kicking yourself for not doing it earlier x

violetwellies Sat 23-May-15 22:36:14

We gave up completely, DS is asleep in our bed. I will probably put him back in his own bed in a minute, but odds on he'll be back. It is getting better tho. We gave him a single bed next to ours which means I can retreat to it if necessary.

CoodleMoodle Sun 24-May-15 15:44:44

Last night she slept okay, waking a couple of times but nothing major. She also stayed asleep until 7:30am which is great.

Tonight though we're doing it properly. I feel so guilty, looking at her happy little face, but it's for the best and we know that.

Thank you again for the support smile

MmeMorrible Sun 24-May-15 18:41:14

Good ice for this evening. Stay strong and don't back down. This time next week it will all be worth it!

MmeMorrible Sun 24-May-15 18:41:43

Good luck not good ice! smile

TakeMeUpNorthMountain Sun 24-May-15 19:01:50

Just checking to see how the rest of the night went. Best of luck for tonight. Focus on how good all three of you will feel after a good night's sleep. You won't know yourself! And it really will improve all areas of your daughter's day - naps, eating and general mood. Best of luck.

Nolim Sun 24-May-15 19:06:13

Good luck

Chips1999 Sun 24-May-15 19:08:45

Don't feel guilty, if she ends up sleeping better that's good for her! CC is supposed to work within a week so I think stick with it. Hope tonight is less stressful for you all.

CoodleMoodle Sun 24-May-15 19:08:51

Thank you! We both feel a bit stronger today after a slightly better night, so hopefully we'll get through it in one piece. Slightly more concerned about the middle of the night as I'm no useto anybody then. Can we shush her or is that wrong? She's not easily comforted so I don't quite know how well the settling between crying is going to go...

We've also put her cot in her room. I thought it was best, rather than getting her used to going to sleep in our room and then moving her.

Scared, but resolute. Tonight has to be the night!

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