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Please help me remove the rod I made for my own back!

(7 Posts)
CitygirlbytheC Tue 19-May-15 14:31:55

DD started sleeping through the night at 3 months making us feel rather smug, but it was short lived as this stopped at 6 months.

She's now 17 months old and ever since that blissful period ended, she has woken in the night and either myself or my husband have taken her into the single bed in her room and slept with her.

We had a few attempts of nipping this in the bud but when you're knackered and have to go to work in the morning and you know she will sleep well if you take her in with you - well... the easy option always wins... and now I haven't woken up in the same bed as my husband for almost a year.

We are thinking of moving her into the single bed this weekend and want to combine that with some sleep training to try and break this habit and start afresh.

I suppose I'm not really sure how to deal with her in the middle of the night - she stands in her cot and cries her eyes out until one of us picks her up (which is very quickly as I can't bear it).

I experience anxiety in the night when she cries - my heart beats really fast and a cold sweat breaks out all over my body and it takes me a while to calm down so I'm really quite nervous about sleep training her in case she cries all night long!

Any advice or tips or helpful info will be gratefully received here!

widdle Tue 19-May-15 17:00:04

Hi Citygirl - unfortunately I have no advice as I'm in the same boat - have a current thread on here about my 2YO.

I feel as though I am just doing what I can to survive the nights and the thought of sleep training is too exhausting.

I would love to do gradual retreat because it seems kinder to the other methods but I can't even get to the point where DS goes into the cot without crying.

I'm sure someone will come along with some good advice but in the mean time flowers

FATEdestiny Tue 19-May-15 17:19:37

She is going to cry when she wakes up if you won't sleep in the bed with her. So the question is how to deal with that, or indeed if you want to deal with that.

given your anxiety, maybe just giving yourself permission to co-sleep is the answer. Rather than you and your DH beating yourselves up about it, embrace co-sleeping with your daughter until she is old enough not to need this. Why not bring her in with you so that you all sleep in a family bed?

If you really want her in her own room sleeping on her own, then the next stage would be managing your anxiety. She is going to cry but that doesn't mean leaving her to cry (unless that's the option you choose). You could sit with her shushing and patting until she 'gives in' and goes to sleep.

Fast but effective options like Controlled Crying or Cry It out become infinitely more difficult in a bed rather than a cot - because of the added difficulty of keeping her in bed. So I would keep the cot if doing this. In fact I think moving to a bed will only increase your problems no matter what you do, if you want her to sleep alone.

CitygirlbytheC Tue 19-May-15 19:47:50

Thank you for your replies. Yes. I think doing both at the same time might be a bit much for her so I'll concentrate on getting her through the night first because that's more important right now. She's not climbing out of the cot or anything so there's no urgency - I just thought it might help her sleep better. But I think she's too young to understand that once she's in bed she has to stay in bed - it'll probably seem like a game to her.

CitygirlbytheC Wed 20-May-15 09:10:43

Well last night I felt determined to do everything I could to keep her in her cot all night. She woke at 11:30pm and was appalled that I refused to pick her up and take her to the single bed. I kept shushing her and stroking her and helping her lie back down again. She was very angry but after about half an hour of kicking off she decided to stay lying down.

I sat on the chair in the nursery and thought it wouldn't be long but I had to sit there for an hour and a half before she finally went off, she was shuffling about for ages. Twice I thought she'd nodded off and stood up to go but she raised her head, saw me and started to cry again! Anyway I got back in my bed at 1:30am on pins thinking she'll wake up again any minute (so it took me quite a while to calm down and nod off) but she slept through until 6:50am!

Next time I'll put my dressing gown and slippers on though - I was so cold I had to put my electric blanket on to defrost myself!

Fingers crossed for tonight.

addictedtosugar Wed 20-May-15 09:22:10

If the single bed is in her room, can you put the bed right next to the cot, and then when she wakes, YOU get into the single, put a hand through the bars of the cot, and drop back to sleep, next to her, but her still in the cot? Or maybe just the single mattress on the floor, so you are lower than her, and she can't use the bed to climb out of the cot!

I spent many nights on DS1's floor with spare duvets and pillows and a hand through the cot bars...

Are you sure she is warm enough, if she was shuffling last night but resettles pretty quickly on getting into bed with a grown up?

CitygirlbytheC Wed 20-May-15 11:03:20

That's a good idea.

I think she's warm enough - the room stays between 18-20 degrees and she wears a short sleeved bodysuit under a sleepsuit (with feet) and sleeps under a toddler duvet but sometimes she pushes the duvet off.

I'll see how tonight goes, if I can bear the chair again, if not will definitely think about moving the bed.

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