DS2 is 5, will be 6 in August. He was not a great sleeper as a baby/toddler and would often want someone to stay with him, or would wake up often in the night and come into our room. When he was about 3-4, I promised him a much-wanted toy if he went to sleep by himself and stayed in bed all night. It didn't change his behaviour and I thought it hadn't worked, until several months later he suddenly of his own accord said, "I'm going to get the toy" and he was fine, just like that. After that, he would be generally a good sleeper, only waking up very occasionally.
Fast forward to now, and a couple of weeks ago he saw something in an early morning children's TV show that scared him. I'm talking something on the level of Scooby Doo - nothing at all that was meant to be scary or too old for him. He would not go to bed that night, we tried everything, and eventually he slept in our bed.
Since then he was initially difficult about going to sleep, but we got round that by getting out the CD player and playing story CDs for him to fall asleep to (something he used to have until he sorted himself out). But he won't stay asleep. He wakes anywhere between 10.30pm and midnight, and comes into our room. If I take him back to his bed, he just pops up again about 30 minutes later, and gets progressively more upset if I keep taking him back. So it ends up with him sleeping in our bed with DH and me going into his bed (I can't sleep if he's in with both of us, and DH doesn't really wake up so it's always me that moves).
When he first wakes up he does seem quite scared - sweaty, wide eyed, sometimes whimpering. I was a bad sleeper at his age too, I genuinely had lots of nightmares and woke my mum up most nights until about the age of 7-8. I think he may have bad dreams (no causes for anxiety that I am aware of, but he is very bright and his mind can make some odd connections). He often says he is afraid he will have a bad dream.
In general he is a very stubborn child, and with things he is frightened of (e.g. dogs, hot air hand dryers) he simply won't entertain any notion of trying to face that fear.
I'm getting fed up with not sleeping in my own bed, and I think that DS is forming bad habits and needs to learn to sleep by himself again. But I don't know how to go about this.
Things we've tried:
Taking him back to bed - doesn't work, he keeps coming back and/or gets distressed.
Telling him to just put his light on and turn the story CD back on if he wakes up - he just doesn't do this.
Being stern all the way up to angry - makes no difference.
Reassurance of how safe and loved he is, how cosy his bedroom is - water off a duck's back.
Promise of reward - doesn't seem to tempt him.
Things I am considering:
Pennies in a jar, take one away each time he wakes up in the night - what happens if all the pennies are taken away and there is no improvement?
A makeshift bed on the floor in our room - there is very little space, we couldn't fit a mattress or air bed, so it would have to be folded duvets, what happens if it isn't comfortable enough?
Advice please!!! What should I do? Sorry for epic post.
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Older child (5) sleep issue
12 replies
fluffyanimal · 29/04/2015 13:07
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