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Would you allow your 5year old son to sleep in a bed alone with his step grandfather

(68 Posts)
victoria221122 Sun 08-Feb-15 19:04:04

HI, My son was going to sleep at my mums last night when I rang to ask if he was ok, I was told on the phone that he was going to sleep in a different room with his step grandfather. I felt uncomfortable about this and went round to see him and whilst there whispered to my mum please can he sleep with you instead to which she replied I suggest you leave and take your son with you and don't ask me to have the kids again. Of which my son heard this. Do you think I was being unreasonable. I feel my mum has put this man before her own flesh and blood. My mum isn't married to this man, he has been with my mum for about ten years but I have no bond with him He is very Rude and abrupt and talk about my siblings behind our backs. Am I being unreasonable ? thank you for your comments.

AmantesSuntAmentes Sun 08-Feb-15 19:07:21

You are * not* being unreasonable. Why did the sf need to sleep with him?

Varya Sun 08-Feb-15 19:08:30

No, IMO your son should not sleep in the same room as your Mum's partner.

Flissity83 Sun 08-Feb-15 19:08:41

I find this strange. Why does he need to sleep with either of them? If you're not comfortable with it then that's your right.

MessyHairSoThere Sun 08-Feb-15 19:08:43

People can judge me for that but i would not allow that

TendonQueen Sun 08-Feb-15 19:10:28

I wouldn't want my DS sleeping in a bed with anyone who I didn't completely like and trust, whatever their family title was, so YANBU.

Your mum sounds like she wanted to throw an ultimatum at you to get you to back down. I take it your son did then go home with you?

seaoflove Sun 08-Feb-15 19:10:46

No, that's inappropriate for a whole host of reasons.

Ineedacleaningfairy Sun 08-Feb-15 19:12:47

I would allow my child to sleep in a bed with his step grandfather as they are very close (my son has his grandfathers name as his middle name) also we co-sleep with our dc so they like sleeping close to other people.

I would think it odd if it was a child who didn't co-sleep, do your mum and her dp usually sleep apart?

LynetteScavo Sun 08-Feb-15 19:12:56

I've never met this man, so I couldn't possibly comment.

Would I let my DC sleep in the same room as someone such as a step grandfather/uncle....yes, there are members of my family (even if there has been no marriage) that I would becompletely happy with the situation. There are other people in which I would react exactly the same as you did.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 08-Feb-15 19:13:00

You clearly don't like or trust this person so no Yanbu.

why can't he have a blow up bed on the floor or sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge.

McSqueezy Sun 08-Feb-15 19:13:23

Of course you weren't being unreasonable! Not to say your stepfather is a confirmed pedophile, but without a good explanation I would go straight there looking for answers too. Your mother is definitely in the wrong here for becoming defensive and telling you both to leave.

KillmeNow Sun 08-Feb-15 19:13:30

But he's not your DSs step anything is he? He is your mothers partner at most and if they aren't sleeping together possibly only a boyfriend .

Which brings the question - why are they sleeping in different rooms and why does that mean a child has to sleep with the partner rather than his Grandmother? Its a very unusual set up and I wouldnt be happy about it.

Becles Sun 08-Feb-15 19:13:42

YABU not to understand the implications of your words and the impact on your mother and DSF. She didn't choose him over you, she heard you imply that her home was unsafe for your son and ended the sleepover.

On the other hand, you are entitled to whatever qualms you feel as long as you accept this can cause upset and anger in others who in turn feel accused of a heinous crime.

victoria221122 Sun 08-Feb-15 19:13:54

Hi yes I took my son straight home with me. I had Post natal depression when my daughter was born which then led to anxiety - so I know that i worry a lot. I wondered if this was me being me or just not normal. But anyway I had both children at home safely tucked up in bed at home where they belong x

elfycat Sun 08-Feb-15 19:14:34


And if that was your mother's idea of a fitting sleeping arrangement and a fitting response to your request then I'd be putting her on the list of people who are not to look after my DC. Ever.

I'm sure that nothing would have happened but you make your own risk assessment (as you have) and you were not happy. I would not be happy under the same circumstances, especially as you do not have a bond with this man. Over my dead body would I let my DC sleep with someone I dislike.

Showy Sun 08-Feb-15 19:15:13

Yes because we co-sleep anyway and ds's step grandad is lovely.

In your situation, no. You aren't happy and there's no reason.

Wantsunshine Sun 08-Feb-15 19:16:08

Why does your step gf not sleep in the same room as yr mum? I am guessing they don't which is why you said to sleep with her.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 08-Feb-15 19:18:45

I don't think separate rooms are a cause for concern or create images of a questionable relationship or are that unusual. I'd sleep in a separate room of i could due to dps snoring.

WitchOfEndor Sun 08-Feb-15 19:19:23

I think her reaction to your request way worrying really, surely it was a reasonable request to make? Telling you to take your son home is a red flag in itself. Guess you will have to look elsewhere for child are in future.

CrispyFern Sun 08-Feb-15 19:19:34

No I wouldn't allow this.

victoria221122 Sun 08-Feb-15 19:20:55

I did not want to hurt anyones feeling hence why I whispered to my mum. I feel it has been blown out of context but I did not feel comfortable. My mum and her boyfriend usually share a bed .My son likes sleeping close to people as you will often find him in my bed. I have no problem if he was with both of them in the middle or with my mum but not on his own with my mums partner.

RabbitSaysWoof Sun 08-Feb-15 19:21:30

I would not want my Son to sleep in a bed with anyone I didn't like or know very well. Blood or not. YA def NBU

TendonQueen Sun 08-Feb-15 19:24:20

The step-grandfather issue isn't the problem here, it's two things: a) the OP doesn't much like or trust this person, and b) the grandma telling her that's how it's going to be.

Did she give any explanation for why your DS was going to be sleeping in that room, OP?

yellowdaisies Sun 08-Feb-15 19:24:22

I think of you don't trust your mum's DP to be alone with your DS then you shouldn't use her for childcare and certainly not overnight.

I'm not surprised she reacted as she did - I'd probably be just the same if someone implied my DP wasn't safe to be alone with a child.

goldvelvet Sun 08-Feb-15 19:26:46

No I would feel uncomfortable about this too. You listened to your instincts and your mum is being very unreasonable.

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