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Don't know if we should continue with PU/PD - will this get any better?

(7 Posts)
ipswichwitch Wed 24-Dec-14 21:22:32

1yo DS2 has gotten to the point where he'd only fall asleep being cuddled, and we had a particularly bad spell while he was ill and would only sleep in our bed next to me, so evenings were a total write off.

We've been doing PU/PD for 3 nights. The first night it took 1hr30 of constant picking up before he finally settled. The night wakings took about an hour to settle him. Night 2 was the same, but with more wakings. Tonight is night 3 and he fell asleep pretty much as I put him into his cot the first time (was v tired) he's woke an hour later and we've been going for 1hr20min. He's screaming as soon as I think of putting him down, and not settling when I pick him up very easily. In fact, I'm so exhausted from constantly lifting and holding him, and bruised across my hips really badly from leaning over the cot edge to put him down, I'm now sat on the floor with him on my lap now asleep. I realise that's not the best thing to do but I can't physically hold him anymore. The advice in her in the sleep section says the number
of pick ups decreases rapidly - not so here. I've no idea if this is the right method anymore. Do we try and persevere or give up the ghost and try something else? In so desperate for sleep sad

ipswichwitch Thu 25-Dec-14 00:58:22

Anyone? It's all gone a bit tits up now. I can't keep on lifting him so many times (back problems), so now he's falling asleep on me again. Last time he woke I put him in his cot and left the room. He whinged a bit and shouted a couple of times them fell asleep by himself, but has woke an hour later sad
I'm so tired I have no clue what to do now.

MrPop Thu 25-Dec-14 06:06:46

I'm not an expert but I think pick up / put down is supposed to be for much younger babies.

I think with a one year old, your options are gradual retreat or controlled crying.

Maybe go back to what works for now then have a look at some sleep books (they all seem to say similar things) to decide on a plan.

Good luck and merry Christmas ��

ipswichwitch Thu 25-Dec-14 19:31:09

Thanks MrPop
I had googled sleep training for 1yo, and this had been recommended on some website (I forget which), but it really ain't working. I'm sat here cuddling him as he went hysterical when I tried putting him in his cot and it's taken ages to settle him. My hips are battered and bruised from all the leaning over the cot to pick him up, so I think it's back to the drawing board.

We did start trying to put him in his cot and shush/pat him (no lifting him up), and for a couple of nights he kept spending ages almost dropping off then thrashing about screeching again before going to sleep. A bout of illness put an end to that before we really got very far with it. Something needs to change as he's never slept through, I'm fed up of spending all my evenings sat here trying to get him to sleep. I just don't know what to try next.

BirdingWidow Thu 25-Dec-14 20:44:07

You poor thing, my DS was similar - wanted to be held all the time, would sleep well in our arms but not otherwise. We tackled it much earlier,but I am sure you can sort it.

We tried PU/OD at about 4-5 months. Really didn't work for us - I can see it would help with some sleep problems but as the thing DS wanted was to be held it just seemed to make him more upset. In the end we did controlled crying and it worked really quickly, I was amazed. It was hard but the emotional trauma (mine and his!) was pretty short lived. Again, we did it much earlier but had up do it again at about 9 months after a trip abroad and falling back into bad habits after a period of jet lag. It was tough but he 'got it' quite quickly, whereas I didn't feel we were getting anywhere with PU/PD. I think it is horses for courses but if he wants to be held you may find, as we did, that a cold turkey approach was better - like ripping a plaster off rather than pulling it slowly!

You don't say exactly how old your DC is but at 14 months we introduced DS to a gro clock as he was going to bed well but waking up for the day at about 4.30am, which was killing me (I was back at work). He also understood this very quickly and I think, if old enough, it really helps them to understand why you are not picking them up. They say the gro clocks are useful from about 18 months but DS completely understood 'it's still night time' at 14 months. It changed our lives.

If you do decide to change approach it may be good to have a break before changing tack. Good luck, it feels so terrible when you are in it and there is so much advice. I think that you have to trust your instincts about what will work for you and then be resolute!

Allingoodfaith Thu 25-Dec-14 20:49:35

Honestly I gave that up. I read a good book which advocates the Pu/Pd but it was too much.

In the end I resorted to strict bed time routine. Bed bottle and sitting out side room whist they were screaming and going in every few mins to lie her down. It was awful and I did cry but I was at the end of my tether.

After a few days she went down easily and HAPPILY. she knew she wasn't getting back out.

Now she waits at her cot at bed time. I started at 9 months and she is 18months now.

It's VERY hard work xx

ipswichwitch Thu 25-Dec-14 21:14:23

I think you're right Birding - a more cold turkey approach may be best. We're now at the point where he's crying before I've started to put him down again as he knows what's coming. He just wants to be held.

He's only just turned 1 a couple if weeks ago, so he won't grasp a gro clock yet. I have just ordered one for his brother who we also have massive sleep issues with (had sleep apnoea until tonsillectomy, bug still waking loads as he's developed a sleep disorder) .

Allin we are at the end of our tether too and I'm thinking that cc is the way forward. The gentler methods just seem to enrage and distress him rather than comforting him, so I think a more intensive approach is needed so he "gets it" quicker. I've developed insomnia myself die to lack of sleep so we need to get sorted soon.

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