How to cope when everyone else seems to be getting sleep(22 Posts)
Had a catch up with my NCT group yesterday. They are all lovely and not in any way competitive but they all say that their babies are sleeping through (babies are 3-4 months). My DS wakes at least twice on a good night and last night was terrible. It gets me down. I am efb and they are all mixed feeding so I suppose this could be the reason? Or am I just unlucky to get the only non sleeping baby, or are they lying?
you will probably find the babies that are sleeping through now will regress at some point, try not to worry about it or compare. its still very young!
also at that age 'sleeping through' means a 5 hour stretch so not exactly through the night
People lie about baby sleep. Sleeping well seems to be the definition of a "good" baby (ridiculous concept!) and so people stretch the truth.
I'm not sure there is any decent evidence behind the claim that FF babies sleep better, you are doing a good job with EBF so don't worry about that.
And anyway, they're about to get hit with the 4 month sleep regression. Both of mine (both EBF btw) had a very short spell of sleeping through and then after 4 months it all went to shit . So hopefully none of them are feeling too smug because they may be in for a shock.....
A ) people lie
B) the one baby in my NCT group who slept 8 hours stretches almost from birth is now a nightmare (they're 18 months now), whereas most of us who had ups and downs in sleep terms in the early days have little ones who sleep through more often than not (teething, illness etc. aside).
Swings and roundabouts really.
Try not to compare. Also my dd was sleeping through at 10 weeks, completely regressed at 5 months and I can count on one hand the number of times she's slept through since (now 13 months) so they aren't out of the woods yet!
People do lie about baby sleep, largely (I think) because often it's seen as a sign of good parenting. "Yes, we established healthy sleep habits from a young age, put him down drowsy but awake and he's learnt to self-soothe without any sleep props!" when in reality they're pacing the floor at 2am with a baby in their arms but don't want to sound like they've failed.
Or the rest of your group have been lucky and actually have babies who sleep really well at the moment. But they change - in another month, yours might be the best sleeper and everyone else might be in 4-month sleep regression hell and longing to hear your tips on coping with sleep deprivation.
My ds is ff and was still waking for milk at
8 months!! Like op i hated that everyone else seemed to have babies that 'slept through'
However at 10 months now he is a great sleeper, we got there in the end and so will you x
People lie or stretch the truth because it makes them look better as parents. But even if their babies are sleeping well at 3-4 months I'm willing to bet that no-one is yet dealing with teething, which throws a super-fabulous spanner in the works for most babies and ensures many a sleep-deprived night from about six-18 months! So, fear not, your NCT buddies may be sleeping okay now, but I'm willing to bet it won't last.
I found that others people's idea of sleeping through was rather shorter spells than I thought they meant. It explained a lot!
My second (bf) slept like an angel, a feed at 11pm and 5am from 2-3 weeks then deep sleep until 8am, and I realised the other mothers I knew w dc1 hadn't been on really amazing drugs after all, they'd just been sleeping. (It lasted until 6mo and teeth.)
People lie and the more smug they are the more likely it will bite them in the bum at a later date!
Genuinely, I think it is harder to deal with a bad night when you have a usually good sleeper. I feel I am better mentally prepared and know a bad night isn't the end of the world, I can function on very little sleep!
My baby slept through beautifully (lovely long 7pm-dreamfeed at 10-till 6.30 wake up) from 3 months to 6 months then it went completely to shit. He still wakes up twice on a good night now he's one. I don't know why people feel the need to lie about these things (but they do!) because it really is just luck of the draw- maybe the rest of your group have just been lucky but I doubt it. I've always told
moaned friends/family any poor sod who'll listen about my sleeping woes. I hope no one thinks I'm a crappy mum!!
Not sure ff/bf makes a lot of difference, DS was mix fed (mainly bf) till 6 months and his sleeping got worse when we went to fully ff. I really don't think the two were linked.
FF doesn't make a difference in my opinion, my DS never slept longer when switched to FF. He's 18.5 weeks and he's usually doing 7-7 in the cot with a feed at 12ish and 4ish. I never saw two wakeups as a problem myself, and occasionally he does 12-6 which makes me feel like we've slept through as a 6 hour sleep feels amazing at this point! Maybe they mean similar, that they sleep around 11-12 until 6? My DS is ao hungry at his wakeups, I know he needs food and so don't expect him to sleep through longer than 6 hours anytime soon.
Yeap. DS1 slept through from about 12 weeks. Until 4 months and has since been up and down. Only just come out of a killer 6 month period of early waking and multiple wake ups. Things are good now, but am prepared for it all to change at any time.
But it sucks when you feel as though everyone else is doing so much 'better'. I remember really feeling down about how other mums had the energy to take their children out and do fun things when I was struggling to crawl through the day. You have my sympathies!
Comparison is the enemy of joy.
I'm sorry to hear you are finding the lack of sleep hard, but recommend finding a way not to let comparing your baby with others make it worse than it would be. Your babies are 3-4 months old. If you allow comparing to get you down, there are going to be so many other things to compare about... Whose got teething over and done with, who crawls, who walks, who speaks, who gets their medals at. Dance school. Try to let it wash over you a bit.
Your job is to manage as best you can with your baby...
"They are lying."
Those with non-sleeping babies like to tell themselves this. I used to.
When I had my first 2 DC, I totally believed people who talked of babies sleeping through early were just lying.
DC1 was 2 1/2 years before she slept 7pm-7am. DC2 was 6 months. Both breastfed.
DC3 was ff and was sleeping 7pm-7am with no feed from being 5 weeks old. I am not lying. I assumed it was because he was formula not breastfed.
DC4 is breastfed and is currently 13 weeks. She has been sleeping 10pm-7am from 8 weeks old. No night feeds since then, not once. I predict that by 16-18 weeks or so I will have dropped that late evening feed for 7pm-7am sleeping with no waking or feed.
I could have written this OP! Our 4 month old won't sleep for more than 2 ish hours in a row, and will easily wake 7 or 8 times in the night, and need re-settling. I know it's the 4 month sleep regression, but it doesn't make it any easier!
Sometimes it feels like every single person we talk to has a baby that sleeps well, so I'm glad it's not just us after all!
I have to say there does seem to be a correlation between better sleep and FF in my unscientific sample... Ours is EBF too.
I remember an nct friend saying her ds was sleeping through at about 8 weeks. Turned out she doesn't count just popping the dummy back in, or a quick cuddle. And 12-6 was 'through'!
Totally get how annoying this is. Try your best to ignore it, which is hard when you are sleep deprived.ds1 took until he was 10 momths to sleep througH and ds2 was about the same.
Mine were/ are greedy, but I think it's developmental. Both were best fed and baby led weaned. By 8 months I decided to go cold turkey, and eventually the feeds dropped. 12-16 weeks is very young, so don't worry about them sleeping through until 6+ months. And ignore it.
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