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Controlled crying - please help!!

(11 Posts)
LimesMum Mon 01-Dec-14 10:08:22

I know there's lots of people who are very anti cc, as was I until I have now reached breaking point having tried everything imaginable to try and get my 10 month old DD to sleep.

I've tried it 3 times before with varying success but always given in for various reasons, illness, teething, holiday etc..

I need some sleep! So does she, she is sometimes only getting 4-5 hours a night and maybe 1 in the day.

Thing is she goes CRAZY!! Ends up a sweaty mess, often vomits and hyperventilates, I find it heart breaking, as I'm sure does she the poor little poppet.

Please can people share their experiences positive and negative and also exactly how they went about it.

Last time I tried just doing it at night and then buggy for daytime naps but I'm thinking this time I might try for day time naps too??

I go back to work next month and am desperate to get this sleep thing sorted before then.

I know I'm bound to get loads of comments saying what a terrible mother I am and how can I do that to her but there's little else I can think of to help sad

Littlef00t Mon 01-Dec-14 11:50:55

Hmm, I did controlled crying with my dd and it worked really well, but I'm just not sure it's the right method for your dd. Dd never got truly upset, she just cried her outrage/grumpy cry.

Bellyrub1980 Mon 01-Dec-14 17:40:40

Lurking with interest.

I don't think you could be described as a bad mother by the way. You sound very patient and caring to me!!

GrumbelinaPicklebottom Mon 01-Dec-14 20:06:09

Have you thought about gradual retreat/withdrawal instead? It may be a bit more suited to your little girl, as you will be there to provide reassurance and comfort, but teach her to fall asleep alone.

I have done gradual retreat with my two children. Am currently doing it with my little girl (9 mo), and she has taken surprisingly well to it. The first night she cried about 20 minutes, needing lots of reassurance and back rubs, but I didn't pick her up. The second about 5 minutes crying (then stopped crying after she burped, so I think that was the problem), and tonight (night three) she just chatted to herself for about 10 minutes and went off to sleep.

I'm trying to be less and less involved as the nights go on, so she's falling asleep alone, without any input from me, and ideally without realising/remembering I am in the room with her. Tonight I didn't say anything and was close to the door. I'm also doing it in the dark, as seeing me is a distraction for her.

There's a thread on here called "what worked for us", or something like that, which outlines an approach if you need more guidance. Or try google.

Good luck. My 9 month old had been waking every half hour most nights, needing to be held all stinking night (sometimes with me sitting up) for a couple of months. it was all getting a bit ridiculous. She's also very LOUD so I couldn't leave her for any length of time, in case she woke her brother. I know it's early days for us, but I feel positive that there are changes afoot! I really feel your pain, and hope you can both get some rest soon. flowers

GrumbelinaPicklebottom Mon 01-Dec-14 20:43:17

Sorry, just occurred to me to add that the approach hasn't cured our nightwaking problems, by any stretch of the imagination, but things have improved markedly (going 2-3 hours between wakings at night is heavenly for me, as is not having you hold her all night).

I think that's my daughter though - she is a refluxer, and cutting her first teeth at the moment (canines! First! Apparently these are rough on all kids). Plus she's a super distractible feeder during the day, so she reverse cycles a bit.

If your little one doesn't need feeding frequently then hopefully you will make some progress with nightwaking too, as others seem to have done.

apotatoprintinapeartree Mon 01-Dec-14 20:55:50

hello OP

Out of our 3 dc we had one who sounds like your dd and she still wakes in the night or doesn't sleep until stupid o'clock now and she's 10.
Downside you might be stuck with a child with weird sleeping problems, upside it gets better as they grow up.

When dd was little I did the gradual withdrawal because personally I'm against cc. I also read to her every night from being about 6 months old.
I found if I settled her with bath, warm milk, quiet room etc she would sleep for longer, still awaken but sleep for longer iyswim.

Are you able to have a nap if she does? Or maybe get some help so you can have a nap yourself if she doesn't sleep.
You have my sympathy and I know you must be exhausted
I hope you both get a well deserved rest soon. thanks

LimesMum Mon 01-Dec-14 21:31:09

Thanks for the responses, it's nice for reassurance that others have had similar issues!!

I did try gradual retreat but got a bit despondent with it as she just won't lay down and let me pat her, instead she stands there swinging off the Cot sides almost begging me to pick her up!! Should I have persevered despite this?!! She is a little better at night than in the night and will eventually lay down with cc but in the day I'm sure she'd stand for 4 hours if I didn't give in and pick her up!!

She is very very hyperactive baby! Never stays still, walked at 8 months and now runs everywhere, I wonder if this affects her ability to switch off?! She is also continually teething!! Surely there's a break soon????

Thanks again

nestee Mon 01-Dec-14 21:45:23

I did the cc method with my dd when she was 12 months, it was a life-saver. I read the Christopher Green book, then just went for it. Leaving her for 3 minutes, then 5 then 7 etc etc. it was really hard for both of us for the first 2 nights, then it just seemed to click and never had any night waking after that, it was a revelation! I don't think she was in any way damaged by it. She has just turned 15 and now we have trouble getting her out of her bloody bed!

LimesMum Mon 01-Dec-14 21:57:32

Hi nestee, that's good to know!! How bad was she to start with?? My DD literally has no idea how to fall asleep on her own.

Also if I normally feed her at 2-3am should I just stop this too in conjunction with the cc?? I'm sure it's just habit as she eats like a horse during the day!! And has 4 bf's aside from the 2-3am one!!

Also did you do it for day and night time straight away??

Right must try and sleep whilst she is asleep!!

Thanks all!!

GrumbelinaPicklebottom Tue 02-Dec-14 09:57:10

Hi limes

I did persevere with it when she was being super cute and playful. I figured she needed to learn to lie down herself, and she would get bored eventually.

She did both (ie get bored and learn to lie down), but It was much quicker when I was just a voice in the dark. Seeing me just made it a bit of a game for her (trying to touch me through the bars of the cot, etc., sweet as it was). I managed to teach her to lie down by patting the cot and saying "lie down" every so often. She does it when I ask her to now - it's so stinking cute! blush

How did you go last night?

LimesMum Tue 02-Dec-14 10:21:42

Thanks grumbelina!

So... Last night was loads better!!

Did cc for 20 mins in total, going in and out and eventually she settled with me patting her bum and saying shhhh (not sure this is entirely cc??)

She then slept til 440 straight which is a miracle!! Bet it was a one off fluke.

However... I could not get her back off so ended up feeding her as she seemed to want it and then and she then stayed up til 940 before having another nap. This nap involved 43 mins of cc, standing up protesting and again eventually ended in bum patting.

I wonder if I shouldn't have picked her up and fed at 440? Perhaps just done cc?

Who knows?!

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