worst parent ever?

[Kolakubism]

Genuinely at the end of my tether now. My 12m DD has started waking in the night and screaming until we pick her up and cuddle her. This is after a bad cold and she was very upset so we brought her into our bed. Rod for our own back, I know.

But I'm trying controlled crying now. It's not going too well. I feel like I'm just winding her up more everytime I go in and I'm tempted to just let her cry until she cries herself to sleep. I never get to that stage though. I always end up going picking her up!

Really worried that I'm doing it all wrong! Hate the sleepless nights but hate the crying and screaming just as much.

Any advice? Can I let her cry? Or do I have to go back in?

[Innocuoususername]

Sympathies OP, you are not the worst parent ever! Controlled crying is a REALLY a divisive subject on here. I'm not in favour of it but I do know that if you do it, you have to stick to the plan religiously and not let them cry for too long. If you let her cry for 45 mins and then go in, all she learns is that to get you to go in, she has to cry for that long. Which is why most advocates of CC say leave them for 1, then 2, then 3 mins up to a maximum of about 10 I think. I really wouldn't let a baby that age cry it out.

When DS was a similar age we did pick up put down (PUPD) which uses similar principles but you don't let them cry. You go in, pick them up (thus reassuring them that you're still there) then put down. Repeat 40+ times on the first night, 20+ times on the second, and by the third they've worked out that while you're still there, you're not going to spend all night with them.

I would say though that some DC are just not ready to sleep through at this age, while sleep training made DS a lot better and we had less crying, he didn't properly sleep through until he was almost 2. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings