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A rod for my own back?

(13 Posts)
Bellyrub1980 Mon 24-Nov-14 03:53:07

I have a 2 week old baby. Currently, I get her to settle after a feed by cuddling her on my chest until she's asleep. Then I put her in her crib and pray she doesn't wake up. This works about 50% of the time.

I have never managed to successfully settle her without the cuddle-to-sleep on my chest.

Am I making a rod for my own back? My MIL says it's important babies learn to 'self soothe' as early as possible... Is this true? I was under the impression a 2 week old baby didn't really have the capacity to learn.

At which point should I start encouraging self-soothing?

TarkaTheOtter Mon 24-Nov-14 04:16:35

You are right, mil is wrong.

Woodenheart Mon 24-Nov-14 04:20:50

You are definitely right, if you had said 14 month old instead of 14 days, I may only just have agreed,

My DD spent so much time on my chest, I wouldn't have had it any way.

Tell MIL you will call her, if you need advice!

dashoflime Mon 24-Nov-14 04:21:03

What your doing sounds fine.
Fwiw mine still needs a cuddle to sleep at 2. I honestly dont care as he sleeps soundly through the night afterwards.
As a younger baby (5 months to 1.5 years) he would "self settle". I think he got a touch of seperation anxiety as he got older.
I think its quite normal for them to need different amounts of closeness at different times so you should probably not expect a linear progress as he grows older.
You are making a rod for your own back by taking too much notice of your MIL!
Do what you feel is best and get used to defending your boundaries. You are the only one who knows what your baby needs from you.

icklekid Mon 24-Nov-14 04:26:23

So normal- I'm impressed you putting them down works 50% at 2 weeks old ds mainly slept on me. He has slept through the night from 3 months old (although still isn't great in his cot for daytime naps- on me or in pushchair

GinGinGin Mon 24-Nov-14 06:31:28

OP, Google the 4th Trimester - it's a theory that babies are essentially born too early (because otherwise mums physically wouldn't be able to give birth to them). You are right, MIL is wrong. Repeat ad infinitum

ClearlyMoo Mon 24-Nov-14 06:35:33

Congratulations on your new arrival! Your baby is tiny. Enjoy snuggles. Mother in laws are full of advice. Part of learning to parent is gratefully receiving advice and then ignoring it. You are intuitively connected to your baby and will know her better than anyone. Have confidence in that. Putting in cot 50% is good going! I still mainly feed (and therefore cuddle) my 6 month old to sleep tho we are able to put her down awake sometimes too. It's not a massive hassle... Snuggly babies are lovely. Keep doing what you're doing

Bellyrub1980 Mon 24-Nov-14 08:21:36

Thank you!! It just doesn't work putting her in her cot to 'self soothe'. She only screams and its heart breaking. The only way it worked once was in her pram jerking it back and forth.... Which isn't really self soothing anyway! Never again!! Thank you x

josephine1986 Mon 24-Nov-14 09:04:32

'Self soothing' is a load of tosh used to sell books. Babies learn on their own when they are ready. My opinion!! Cuddle your baby

QuietNinjaTardis Mon 24-Nov-14 20:55:14

My dd learnt to self settle at 9 months. My ds at 2 years [ hmm] you're right, two weeks is still too young.

Funkyfairy2004 Mon 24-Nov-14 21:19:53

The midwives on my local mlu said you can't hold or cuddle a newborn too much! I fed my daughter to sleep for the first week! Snuggle while you can, you can't get these times back xx

MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 24-Nov-14 21:27:46

At 2 weeks they are too small to know they are not part of you anymore. It's cruel to expect a baby that young to 'self soothe'. Keep doing what works for you.

Congratulations on your baby btw smile

eepie Tue 25-Nov-14 10:26:22

You're completely right - newborns need you to help fall asleep, they do not have the capacity to self soothe until at least 3 or 4 months and even some later than that. I held my DD for all her sleeps (and most of the rest of the time too) up until 3 months old. I was worried I was making a rod for my own back too but it's what she needed. We introduced self soothing slowly and it involved lots of patience, doing things slowly and gradually, keeping trying to put her in the cot, a teeny bit of crying or fussing and a lot of patting and shhhing and cuddling but eventually she now falls asleep on her own in her cot. She's almost 5 months now. She needs to be close to you, don't listen to your MIL. In her generation they were advised not to pick up their babies when they cried and to just leave them to cry from a too young an age.

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