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Did anyone have a baby that slept fantastic that turned into the toddler from hell? I cannot do this!

(21 Posts)
MikeTheShite Tue 18-Nov-14 07:13:15

I was blessed with a DD that slept beautifully as a baby from say 6 months- 23 months. She did 12 hours at night with a 2 hour afternoon nap.

She's at full time nursery now so the nap has been dropped. This was as she turned 2 in September. She doesn't go if I try this.

Now this is when the problems have started. She is in a bed due to being a climber from 18 months ish. It worked fantastic after around a week and I have a stairgate on the door.

She goes to bed at 7, I can't push it further. She goes straight to sleep.

At midnight the games begin. She's up, screaming, throwing herself around, yelling, kicking and punching, pretending she's done a poo.

It is horrendous. She is uncontrollable. She's so strong and has bruises. I've tried books. The repeat method.

However last night after the fun and games from 12pm constantly through until 3am I snapped and shouted.

She went straight into her bed blush and went to sleep.
She was then up at 5am.

So now she's exhausted, has nursery and it will knock into her behaviour and a nap will be turned down.

I'm a single mum at uni, she's my first, I've been poorly recently and I'm crying as i write this as I can't do it anymore.

I thought it was a phase but now I don't think it is.
She's turned from a lovely little girl into a monster. She's rude, doesn't listen and physically hurts me.

I might add the few times a month she does see her dad- she doesn't behave like this sad

MikeTheShite Tue 18-Nov-14 16:16:50

I sound like a awful selfish parent don't i

StillaChocoholic Tue 18-Nov-14 16:22:51

Ah they like to test us don't they, you're not an awful or selfish parent!
What does she do if you leave her in her room with the gate closed? Would she just get on with it and eventually go to sleep?
What do you usually do when she's doing this?

MikeTheShite Tue 18-Nov-14 16:25:28

Sadly no, it would completely escalate to the point of dangerous.
Hitting the radiator, pulling clothes out of draws, throwing things. Yelling and becoming even more angry, pulling the door and kicking it.

I would love to be able to do the put down retreat thing.
I guess I'm wondering if I'm the only one with a toddler like this

MikeTheShite Tue 18-Nov-14 16:26:57

I generally spend the time trying to not cry, or shout and try to get her to go back to bed

OhGood Tue 18-Nov-14 16:29:34

What's your process for trying to get her to go back to sleep? Do you do the whole Supernanny thing? (I only ask that because that's the only process I know...)

OhGood Tue 18-Nov-14 16:30:47

Any idea what's waking her?

MikeTheShite Tue 18-Nov-14 16:36:16

No idea at all.
I just have to go with what she wants because I can't control her.
It's quite humiliating really confused

keely79 Tue 18-Nov-14 16:36:53

Oh dear. You poor thing - you sound exhausted and stressed - please be easier on yourself - I'm full of admiration for you - I'd definitely struggle if I was on my own.

She's probably a bit unsettled with the change to full time nursery and dropping the nap - plus trying to assert her independence which is natural at this age. 2 seems quite young not to be having a nap - my son is about to turn 3 and still has 30-60 minutes a day. She may be a bit overtired. Could you ask the nursery to make more of an effort to put her down for a nap or at least some quiet time?

Could you go in with her at midnight and sit with her until she's calmer then slip out when she's sleepy again?

Please remember that she's not a monster - she's a toddler and they are frustrating and delightful in equal measure. Don't take it personally when she's difficult - it's not her fault. I once read an article which was illuminating which basically said that even at the age of 2, children are still developing empathy - so in effect they can't understand why their behaviour may hurt you. Plus that once they hit the tantrum stage they physically can't calm themselves down until the tantrum has passed.

MikeTheShite Tue 18-Nov-14 16:48:26

Thank you.

That really gives me hope.
I think your right. I'm so tempted to let her come in my bed. I wonder in fact if it's simple: and she just misses me

keely79 Tue 18-Nov-14 17:16:29

Quite possibly.

I'm not the strongest one at this as my son still has a bit of a habit of wandering in at night - he doesn't have a tantrum or anything - he just creeps in and sometimes I'm too sleepy to take him back to his bed!

My daughter was the worlds clingiest kid re going to sleep - we would have to sit there holding her hand for about an hour - then suddenly she seemed to grow out of it.

They all sort themselves out eventually - how many adults do you see doing that sort of thing(!)

StillaChocoholic Tue 18-Nov-14 21:47:54

Maybe you should let her in your bed, it won't be the end of the world. I'd happily let my 18 month old sleep with us but he wriggles around so much that we don't get decent sleep so I end up sat in his room at some point waiting for him to go to sleep.

Will she let you just cuddle her to help calm her down?

MikeTheShite Wed 19-Nov-14 08:41:53

She is so enraged normally a cuddle is out of the question.

Your positive vibes must have worked as she got up at 3, and just checked I was there and I tucked her back in abs she went back to sleep!

I'm wondering If the transition to nursery full time (sept), me having been in hospital for a week and then her going to her dads EOW have knocked her off her even keel.
After looking at that I feel much better and more sympathetic smile

keely79 Wed 19-Nov-14 10:42:00

So glad last night was better - I sometimes think having a bit more sleep can make everything feel a bit more manageable!

That does sound like quite a few unsettling events in a short period of time - not your fault at all and can't be helped, but can understand it if she's a bit knocked off her normal even keel by that.

OhGood Wed 19-Nov-14 12:47:16

Glad you had a better night! I hope she can keep it up. Lack of sleep is pure torture and makes dealing with small children so much harder.

I think you need a plan that you can stick to. Something you can be consistent about. Are you sure you can follow through with her coming into your bed (if that's what you choose?)

MikeTheShite Wed 19-Nov-14 13:02:53

I never sleep if she's in bed too as her and the dog go sideways:
I also would like to look into getting a relationship off the ground in the future too lol

StillaChocoholic Wed 19-Nov-14 18:37:55

Haha yeah that's what DS does.
Glad you had a better night last night, fingers crossed this is the start of her getting back to a good routine.

OhGood Fri 21-Nov-14 16:03:14

I know there is no chance I could sleep in a bed with either of the DC. DD whispers to me 'Mummy is it OK if I play quietly?' V sweet but NO NO NO.

MikeTheShite Sat 22-Nov-14 08:24:35

Nothing worse, you have this cute image of them coming in your bed and it being lovely and snuggly. That's not reality.

Well I think her antics have finally caught up on her.
6.30pm-8.10am shock
She's in a fantastic mood aswell

HappyAsASandboy Sat 22-Nov-14 08:54:19

I would try reinstating the nap. Can you ask nursery to find somewhere or her to nap?

When my twins transferred to the 3yrs+ room at nursery, the standard routine was no nap. They both became a nightmare to get home and feed/put to bed, and their sleep became very disturbed. I asked nursery to reinstate their nap (they go to a younger room for it each day) and the problem was instantly solved. I think there are three or four of them from a room of 20 odd that go for a nap.

My twins are just four now, and still have an hour to an hour and a half at nursery, or around two hours if at home. Then they sleep from 7.30/8pm ish until 6.30/7am ish. I think this is broadly in line with the amount of sleep expected of 3-4 year olds in the No Cry Sleep Solution book.

So, I would try to increase her sleep by getting a nap back. At home, maybe you could lie with her on your bed so she doesn't have any option but to sleep, and at nursery ask them to put her to sleep with others so there is crowd to follow?

MikeTheShite Sat 22-Nov-14 11:58:55

Good plan, I'll speak to them smile

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