Leaning towards Cry It Out....(20 Posts)
This is my 1st post & tbh I can't believe I'm posting about this! After 9 months of bad sleep & just over 2 weeks of almost no sleep, I cracked last night & lay in bed with a pillow over my ears while my DS cried. Eventually (I wasn't timing so it felt like forever) his proper cry turned into a fussing cry that stopped & started over the course of an hour & then at 3am he fell asleep. He then slept until 7.10am. Until last night I was not in favour of leaving him to cry at all (DH thinks it's long overdue), now however, I almost feel like I owe it to DS to keep the sleep training momentum going, otherwise last night's drama was in vain. So...if I do go down the CIO route, what do I do! Do I go in to him at all? If I do, how often? And what do I do when I go in? Advice or just info about your own experiences on this matter would be very much appreciated!
I did 'controlled crying' at 6 mths, by going in every 10 mins and picking her up for a cuddle when she was really crying or just shushing and patting if a bit calmer.
I extended this if her crying was angry rather than truly upset with pauses etc, and varied this sometimes, eg v upset only 5 mins.
There are certainly different type of cries and you should use your instincts, you can tell if he isn't going to stop until he's to exhausted to carry on which I really wouldn't condone, or whether he's just unhappy about the change to the norm.
I did it and within a week dd had gone from waking 3/4 times a night to 1/2 and dropped a feed too.
I did the version where you put them down with a cuddle, leave them to cry for 30 secs, go back in, then leave it a minute, then 2 minutes etc, up to whatever your maximum is (mine was 8 minutes.)
I thought this was less harsh than just leaving DS to cry and not going back, as I didn't want him to think I had abandoned him.
Did it at 7.5 months and on 2nd nights later got my first 4-hour stretch of sleep, then after night 4 he started sleeping through (with occasional wakes for a feed around 4.)
PS I feel for you - sleep deprivation hell and 9 months of it is a lot. DS woke every hour for 5 months then every 2 hours for 2.5 months. Up to an hour to get him to sleep again.
PM for details.
Poor you, it is really really fucking shit having no sleep, and really really horrible having to go through CIO with your baby.
But i did it with both of mine! PFB was like you, I was ready to (already had) crack and felt psychotic with lack of sleep but we did it.
Leave to cry for 5 mins, then go in, pat pat, sh sh, lay them back doWN. Increase the time apart to no more than 20. I could go more than 10.
Night 4 was awful, it got worse. night 5....the holy grail, slept through! Then its been pretty awesome ever since. Apart form the occasional cough or cold, they are both now great sleepers!
Cry it out and controlled crying are different - I'm sure someone who knows more will be along to explain properly.
Ugh, babies+sleep+HIDEOUS. Feel for you big time.
I'd steer clear of the CIO route, though. How about controlled crying instead? That way, baby gets some comfort and knows you're there, but still isn't encouraged to knob around all night. We did CC from when DS was 6 or 7 months and it worked after 3 nights.
We used to let him cry for 2, then 5, then 10, then 20 mins. Never longer than that - was so painful and felt so cruel, but had a toddler too, and being up all night every night was destroying us all. He's 2 now, and generally sleeps 7 til 5 or 6 (gah). Doesn't seem traumatised by CC either…
Hope tonight is a good one...
Cry it out is basically leave them to cry for however long it takes.
Controlled crying is where you go in after different lengthening amounts of time ie leave them for 1,2,5 etc minutes. Not sure what you do if they're still crying after your own limit, whatever that is but I think most babies stop at some point. Need to keep doing it for a few nights at least.
Blissful baby expert book covers this humanely. She also does fre email advice. I've just borrowed a copy from the library. I feel mass sympathy. I'm 12 weeks in and he's now sleeping well, but didn't. I'd be frigging insane by 9 months. If I knew how to do (flowers) I would.
DD1 didn't sleep until she was ten months. I did cry it out after everything else had failed. I found controlled crying just made her cry more.
I knew she wasn't hungry, cold or too hot. She wasn't teething or in pain. She was simply waking up to play.
She cried for 45 mins when we put her to bed and has pretty much slept through ever since. She is now three.
There will be people along to critisise your choice. However motherhood isn't about making yourself into a martyr. Sustained sleep deprevation is one of the most truly awful experiences I have had. And I've done it twice. My second DD is nearly nine months old and still isn't sleeping through yet. It's almost pushed me over the edge of I'm honest. And for that reason I won't be having anymore DC.
Fx whatever choice you make your DS sleeps better for you.
My DD is only 18 weeks but is in the regression (see other thread) and having been up since midnight and currently feeding back to sleep (which hasn't worked!!) I'm pretty much accepting that we're going to need to do some sort of crying technique as soon as she's old enough. Is 6 months old enough?? After over 2 weeks of not more than 2 hours sleep at a time I'm really struggling to cope. DH is up all night bless him and working full time running his own business. I had a proper melt down yesterday.
Trouble is, on the couple of occasions I've left her to cry (with me right there, just not picking her up) she's vomited from crying and I'm really scared she might choke... She also can cry for an hour just to get her to go down for a nap (an hour by the time I've given in and picked her up, rather than her actually falling asleep), I dread to think how long she could actually cry for, maybe 3 hours...
My baby got more and more worked up the more I went back in. I had good success with the complete 'extinction' method described on this website. www.troublesometots.com/how-to-cry-it-out-bedtime-edition/
My baby was around 8 months and since then has slept 12 hours overnight very reliably.
Firstly can I just say thank you so much for your replies, I know CIO/CC is a sensitive subject & to receive genuine support & advice rather than a barrage of unhelpful comments was very much appreciated!
So, last night at bedtime I decided I would leave DS for 5mins at a time before briefly going in to comfort. I only had to go in once, by the time the 2nd 5mins came round he was well on his was to settling himself & was only really whingey crying, by the 15min mark he was fast asleep.
I thought I would just play it by ear for the rest of the night ie adjust the timings depending on the cry and/or how many times he had woken, BUT, he slept through from 7pm - 6.30am I know this isn't necessarily a sign if things to come & CIO/CC isn't an instant cure but it is a relief to know that neither of us spontaneouslyp burst into flames because I let him cry ;) few.
TropicalHorse - I found the Troublesome Tots site yesterday & loved it!
Thanks again everyone!
I'm really glad he slept well last night - things are always better after a good nights sleep (I hope you slept well too )
You're so right MirandaWest, feeling much less foggy after a good night!
I completely understand why people are wary of saying that cc is a magical fix, when of course it isn't always. However, it sure was here. Just like you on night 2 he went to sleep fast and slept through and has slept through ever since. He went from waking every 2 hours to not waking at all overnight. I couldn't believe it. and that was 4 months ago. I hope things continue improving for you!!
I did controlled crying with dd. It worked very quickly short term but didn't last and I didn't have the stomach to do it after every illness, tooth and sleep regression. Eventually we did gradual retreat and although it took longer it seems to have finally made her fully comfortable at going to sleep alone. I'm going to go against the grain and say that if your baby was crying for over an hour last night that they are not ready/there is actually something keeping them awake.
TarkaTheOtter - would have totally agreed with you a few weeks ago. I was constantly telling my DH, that there MUST be a reason our bad sleeper had turned into an absolutely terrible sleeper! But we'd ruled out obvious illness & teething, he was warm, dry & full & so after weeks of waking every hour or not sleeping at all unless he was being held, something had to change.
I really do think the crying/fussing on & off for an hour was in protest & out of habit. But of course these babies change so quickly & though he may not be unwell today he could have a full blow cold tomorrow, so I will always be on the look out for changes in him & will always comfort him when he really does need me.
Out of interest how long did gradual retreat take?
OP just wanted to say in my opinion consistency is vital. Whatever routine you choose, try to stick at it and not change anything even if on night 2,3 or 7 he seems to be worse. I have been doing cc for the past 2 weeks with my 8mo dd and almost caved in twice after particularly terrible bed/nap times but I'm so glad I didn't. She now self settles for all sleeps and sleeps 7pm ish til 530/6 ish. Have tried to get her to sleep later in the morning by moving bedtime but it hasn't helped so I think I just have to accept I have an early riser. She also only naps for about 30 mins at a time. But just wanted to share that I felt similar to you that something had to be done and I'm glad we did! Good luck xx
OP I am glad to hear you have had a couple of good nights' sleep. Well done to you and your DH and your baby.
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