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Sitting here doing timed controlled crying

(98 Posts)
Madamecastafiore Wed 09-Jul-14 20:39:48

And every minute feels like an hour!

Please tell me it will work and get better.

We are at the end of our tether. Done the staying in the room thing and that doesn't work and 8 month old DD waking every 2 hours again.

Rivercam Wed 09-Jul-14 20:42:25

It does work and it will get better! Stay strong. It is hard work but you will succeed.

minipie Wed 09-Jul-14 20:43:37

<hand hold>

It's bloody tough and miserable but IME it does work* and it does get better, quite quickly.

There will be about a million people along in a minute to tell you CC is evil and go in and cuddle your baby to sleep. I am not one of them.

*caveat: it depends on what's causing the waking. If it's a habit like feed-to-sleep or rock-to-sleep then CC usually works pretty well to teach self resettling instead. If she's waking cos of teething then CC won't work. But you knew that.

Justgotosleepnow Wed 09-Jul-14 20:44:07

If every minute feels like an hour then that tells me your instinct is that this approach is not right. Why not listen to your instinct?
If you were upset and crying would you want to feel abandoned?
If you are looking for support you aren't getting any from me. I just feel sorry for your baby. hmm

Madamecastafiore Wed 09-Jul-14 20:44:38

Thank you. If it doesn't work we will be employing a specialist so I hope it does.

Health visitor has suggested we do it before going crazy!

Poor little mite sounds so angry.

Spherical Wed 09-Jul-14 20:46:22

It's very hard but it did work for our child and was definitely worth it for us as a family.

AnythingNotEverything Wed 09-Jul-14 20:46:56

Just - that post is entirely unnecessary. This isn't AIBU. OP didn't ask what you thought of CC.

Im watching with interest OP. DD is a similar age and waking for a quick cuddle every hour or so. It's not good for any of us.

Madamecastafiore Wed 09-Jul-14 20:47:23

She isn't abandoned at all. I am sitting right outside her door. I wish she would justgotosleep!

She isn't teething, she is used to being fed to sleep, is exclusively breast fed and I have stopped feeding her in the night as she was draining the life out of me and I was getting snappy with the other DCs and DH and feeling quite poorly.

Oh what the hell, I needed support not condemnation.

Justgotosleepnow Wed 09-Jul-14 20:54:00

Ok I know it's not aibu but we don't all have to agree.

Yes my DD is also an awful sleeper, I have suffered quite a lot. But it comes down to leaving them to cry or cuddling. And I chose cuddling after looking at how it affects the baby.
I appreciate you are outside the door and of course you haven't abandoned your baby. I meant that from the baby's point of view they feel that way and they don't have the cognitive ability to realise you are there etc.

Inapickle123 Wed 09-Jul-14 20:55:03

Some babies need the "tough love" approach. Haven't started CC with DS yet (just a shade too little) but he "needs" to cry to get his frustration out.

Remember: Your DC will not love you any less in the morning. Everyone (including DC ) will benefit from increased sleep and some babies don't respond to the softly, softly approach. Schools differentiate work/approaches based on the child in front of them, therefore there is no "one size fits all" approach to sleep training. No guilt!

Stay strong.

CharlesRyder Wed 09-Jul-14 20:55:25

8 months seems a little soon to be saying you are going crazy or employing someone.

Some babies just don't sleep well- it's the territory.

DH and I split the night so he dealt with wakings up until 2am and I did anything after 2am. That way we both slept half the night. DS didn't really sleep through 'til after he was 3, but that's OK, he's needed up to help him to feel secure at night. Sleeping alone is unnatural and he's taken a while to develop the skill.

DH and I both have responsible jobs and I went back to work at 17weeks. We haven't died of sleep deprivation.

EvilHerbivore Wed 09-Jul-14 20:56:21

We did CC with DS1, took about 3 days (some crying on night one, less on night two, barely any on night three) before we really cracked it - he's now 3.6 and has slept 7om-6/7am pretty reliably every night since.
Hold on, its for the long term good

HaroldLloyd Wed 09-Jul-14 20:58:06

Do what's best for you family OP.

No one can come on here and tell you how you should be feeling after 8 months of no sleep as we are all very different and so to do so would be ridiculous.

Madamecastafiore Wed 09-Jul-14 21:02:07

I work in CAMHS and have spoken to both psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists and they all say that the studies that have been done show no lasting effects from controlled crying.

ThingyTheBusCleaner Wed 09-Jul-14 21:02:21

Getting no sleep every night and being shattered all day doesn't make you a better mum.

Being a martyr to your Kids doesn't make you a better mum.

I'm not sure I did "CC" with DS, I just didn't go in if I didn't think he really needed me. Unless I hear racking sobs he just pretty much has to deal with it. Griping, tantrumming or wailing is ignored.

Anyway he self settles really well.

Fingers crossed for you OP

callamia Wed 09-Jul-14 21:04:13

I have an eight month old. I absolutely understand what it feels like to be tired after being woken every two hours. It means you are a less good parent during the day because you're tired, it means you are less capable, more emotional and generally rubbish-feeling.

I know buckets of people who have used cc to save themselves from feeling dreadful, and it's been ok. Im well aware of what the emerging research suggests, but it's a long way from being useful - long-term effects, effect sizes - all absent. I'm not where you are yet Madame - but I've just spent two hours trying to settle a crying baby (he's got four teeth arriving at once - unholy misery), and it was heartbreaking and never ending. I hope you get some sleep.

Madamecastafiore Wed 09-Jul-14 21:04:47

She is asleep,

I went in after 8 minutes, DH was supposed to go in after 16 but she sound asleep by 14 minutes.

Fingers crossed.

Sleep will make me a better person I am sure of it.

Thank you for your support guys.

ThingyTheBusCleaner Wed 09-Jul-14 21:07:30

Good to hear.

Enjoy your evening x

Scousadelic Wed 09-Jul-14 21:08:42

We did CC with DS when he still wasn't sleeping through at 15months and, although it was awful for a few days, it worked and it saved my sanity! From that point he has slept amazingly easily, it was as though sleeping was a skill he had to learn but once he mastered it he was great

Good luck and don't let anybody undermine your choices or put you off. MN is not known for its support of CC

Rivercam Wed 09-Jul-14 21:09:11

I did cc when my ds1 was about 6 months. I wasn't getting any sleep. My 6 foot 14 year old hasn't suffered, and the whole family benefitted at the time as we were no longer sleep deprived.

Go for it. I think I got myself some trashy chick lit books to read to pass the time (pre ipad/kindle days)

MrsHY1 Fri 11-Jul-14 09:50:59

Hope you're ok today OP.
I must say, I find it baffling that it seems acceptable to criticise CC and yet nobody would ever think of starting a post about how feeding an older baby every 2 hrs through the night/ holding their hand until they go to sleep/co-sleeping until the year dot etc etc is bonkers. Not saying it is bonkers at all- I don't know, and that's the point. Am just saying that until they can conclusively say that CC is damaging and doing all of the above ISN'T damaging to the mental health of the parents/ the ability of the baby to sleep in nice lengthy chunks which would be good for their development etc, then let's leave our judgey pants in the drawer shall we?

BarbaraPalmer Fri 11-Jul-14 09:55:20

i did cc with both of mine

never mind the benefits to me, my daughters both benefited hugely from regular, good quality sleep. they were considerably more settled during the day after cc.

Diryan Fri 11-Jul-14 19:45:25

I think it's far crueller to not teach a child how to sleep better, be it CC or some other method. Sleep is so important for brain development. Once a child has no need to feed at night, then waking frequently is unhealthy.

Jonkastique Fri 11-Jul-14 19:57:43

Lol @ budget pants :D

andsmile Fri 11-Jul-14 20:02:29

There in fact some studies that suggest children who experience a little distress actually benefit from learning to cope and that complete containment or avoidance of negative emotions is unhealthy.

Can't remember what she was called think it might be Winnictte - she piionered the 'good enough' model of parenting.

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