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So anxious about sleep training

(15 Posts)
stillhopefulforanother Wed 12-Mar-14 20:01:52

My 6 month old DD is nursed to sleep for naps, at bedtime and during the night. I need to reach her to self settle as I'm concerned about long term issues.

But I'm SO anxious about doing it. I need to do it but the thought is making me SO worried.

Im not going to do CC, or No Cry Sleep Solution (to drawn out). I'm going to put her in awake and then resettle her in cot do she falls asleep on her own.

The whole thing is just making me worried. I'm away for four nights at the end if the month do going to do it when we are back, so beginning of April. So I have plenty of time to stew!

Please tell me I can do it and it's ok. I have a toddler so really worried how it will impact him as well.

Hard this parenting lark isn't it....

tinierclanger Thu 13-Mar-14 10:06:15

Hi stillhopeful. Have you thought about putting in a halfway measure, if the thought is making you anxious? Do you have a DP around who could start cuddling her to sleep for you?

Will she nap any other way? In pram, car, sling?

stillhopefulforanother Thu 13-Mar-14 20:18:00

Thanks. Yes she naps in car and in the sling. However when we are at home I want her to sleep in her cot and I'd like her to be better at settling herself at bedtimes.

Am I expecting to much at 6 months? I feed her to sleep for all naps and at bedtime.

Rooners Thu 13-Mar-14 20:20:56

'I need to reach her to self settle as I'm concerned about long term issues.'

Why? I've got three, have never ever sleep trained and have never had any sleep issues.

Self settling is such a myth - it makes me cross. They need us, then they gradually don't need us so much. It's totally fine not to do sleep training - just like they learn to talk and walk without us having to enforce it before they're ready.

Feel for you - please just follow your instincts and leave the 'training' garbage to whoever is trying to make you do it. It's so not necessary xxx

Rooners Thu 13-Mar-14 20:21:33

You sound btw like you are doing WONDERFULLY smile

CountBapula Thu 13-Mar-14 20:24:54

If it makes you anxious, don't do it.

She doesn't 'need' to self-settle at all. It's only a problem if it's a problem for you. If she falls asleep easily by being fed, and her sleep isn't otherwise a problem (very frequent waking etc) why bother changing it?

FWIW I tried sleep training at six months with DS while suffering from PND and anxiety and it only made things worse. (And didn't work, either.)

I fed him to sleep until he was nearly 3. He's now 3.5 and falls asleep in five minutes flat if I sit on his bed next to him.

Do it if you want to, but just don't feel you need to. The Baby Police aren't going to jump out from behind the wardrobe and arrest you because your DD doesn't self-settle smile

FrumiousBandersnatch Thu 13-Mar-14 20:27:25

You only have a problem if it's a problem for YOU. Please don't stress yourself worrying about future issues which might not even happen!

stillhopefulforanother Thu 13-Mar-14 20:49:28

Gosh, you guys are great. Thanks. I think I'm putting pressure on myself actually. So much info around about getting them to self settle!

I enjoy feeding her to sleep and night wakings not excessive. Maybe I should just carry on, confused.

Rooners Thu 13-Mar-14 20:58:26

yes just carry on! You're doing fine. Go with it, respond to her - you won't get any more or less sleep than anyone else, you'll just feel better about the way you're doing it.

I find co sleeping is a God send at this age - it means I don't have to wake up properly, which I think would actually kill me grin They go through teething phases, illness, etc and you may think 'I have brought this on myself' but that's untrue.

It's just what babies are about...they need us.

This seems to be a kind of fashionable remodel of the Truby King nonsense perpetuated in the 60s, it's just another money spinner, book selling thing. Don't worry about it.

NickyEds Thu 13-Mar-14 21:44:32

You're doing great! I was reading your post waiting for "the big problem" but I'm not sure there is one(aside from your obvious distress about it)!!Don't listen to some one or some book telling you you're doing it wrong.
Why not try to put DD to settle in her cot and if she goes down, great, if not carry on as you are and just try again later. God if we listened to every little bloody thing......It's the guilt/worry/anxiety that makes this parenting thing sooo much harder isn't it. Chin up. Wing it. Muddle through- has been my mantra for the mere 11 weeks I've been a Mum!!

WaxyDaisy Thu 13-Mar-14 21:46:28

You're doing great! You don't need to do anything you don't feel comfy with smile

the myth of self soothing

Sparklyboots Thu 13-Mar-14 21:50:06

Don't bother OP! It totally sounds like it's working for you as it is. Ditch the books, your children let you know what they need.

Martorana Thu 13-Mar-14 21:53:54

"If it makes you anxious, don't do it."

The best parenting mantra ever.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Thu 13-Mar-14 21:56:13

Shush pat or pick up put down are good age appropriate methods to break the feeding to sleep.

I personally feel a well rested parent and child are happier and thrive well. If you're not currently at this point you may want to encourage some good stretches of sleep.

TheScience Thu 13-Mar-14 22:02:59

If you're happy as you are, then continue. Once it stops working for you, then change it. You don't have to try to anticipate future problems - it's fine to tackle things as they arise.

With DS1, feeding him to sleep stopped working for us at about 5-6 months as he kept waking and needing to be fed back to sleep. So I stopped feeding him to sleep and his dad rocked him to sleep instead. Then we transitioned to patting him to sleep in his cot. I started trying to stop patting him just before he was asleep so he did the last bit on his own, and by 7 months he was self-settling some of the time (and by 9 months all of the time) - I didn't have to do "sleep training" or leave him to cry to achieve that.

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