1yo co-sleeping - causing problems with DH

[hildainstant]

Hi, DS1 was a decent sleeper...had a dummy and if he woke we'd pop it back in and he'd go back to sleep. Sometimes it was many, many times a night, but at least he slept. He also went to bed awake, no problem.

DS2 doesn't have a dummy (couldn't really suck it to keep it in his mouth so went cold turkey at 4mths) and although was great at going to bed awake, and sleeping quite well we've gone back over these last few months.
Now, he needs to be asleep before being put in his cot otherwise he screams blue murder. As soon as he wakes, we've made the fatal mistake of co-sleeping. He's very clingy with me (DH can't settle him if I'm there) and wraps his hands around my neck....delicious and I love it! He wakes once more through the night and can be awake for up to 2 hours (not always) but then sleeps until around 7am.
I can cope with this, and I'm quite happy to continue but it's causing problems with my husband, who works shifts.

Controversially (No need for the haters!) I used CC with DS1 and I'm a fan but DS2 seems to have much louder lungs on him, and we're concerned for neighbours if we let him cry for extended periods. This is one of the reasons why we ended up co-sleeping in the first place (that, and the auto-pilot zombie in me that has picked him out of his cot without any recollection at all!). I've tried 'shush-pat' and soothing him back to sleep but then he got ill and we went back to co-sleeping.

My husband wants us to sleep in the spare room and bring DS2's cot into our bedroom which does not have an adjoining wall, which will enable us to use CC again. My concern with that is that he'll be in different surroundings, and will maybe get scared if he can't see us in our bed and he'll feel he's been 'abandoned'.

I'm thinking of going back to 'shush-pat' then gradual retreat but not sure if I can cope with sleep deprivation for an extended period......

Sorry for the essay but any advice would be gratefully received to avoid WW3 in our household!! Any silimar experiences and ways to enable a long, sound sleep in his own cot are much appreciated!!

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

My 4th is the same, im working up to using the sush pat method. The hv said to try cc but id rather leave that as a last resort when hes older.

[hildainstant]

Hi Moomins

Been reading some more on this due to the lack of responses and found a book called No Cry Sleep Solution....looks interesting so going to give it a read and hope for the best!!