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How does bedtime work for 5 month old when he's meant to be in the same room as us!?!

(26 Posts)
Hopelass Sat 01-Mar-14 16:09:56

Seriously this has been bugging me for a while. DS is nearly 5 months old and by 7pm is clearly ready for bed. However SIDS guidelines say he must sleep (and nap) in the same room as us until 6 months. What do I do?

Go against the guidelines and just start getting him into his bedtime routine when he's starting to get tired and put him in his crib (in our room) but then continue mine and DP's evening downstairs?

Go with the guidelines and try and keep him up with us until we're ready to go to bed? (We've been trying to do this but have given in and been going to bed at 8.30 because poor DS is overtired)

Give in and DP and I go to bed at 7pm with him until he's 6 months old?!?!

It's so confusing. Also same for naps? He naps so much better in his crib but I feel like he should be downstairs with me so I can keep an eye on him......anyone any advice?? TIA!

CuteLittleToes Sat 01-Mar-14 18:01:43

I don't think guidelines say he has to be in the same room all the time. He just needs to sleep in the same room as you.

shallweshop Sat 01-Mar-14 18:11:13

Once they were past newborn stage (a month or so old) my 2 DC had daytime naps upstairs in their cot. They also were put to bed in the evening in their cot. They were in our bedroom for the first 5 to 6 months but I didn't go to sleep at the same time and didn't realise these were the guidelines or has it changed?

RhondaJean Sat 01-Mar-14 18:12:16

I always put the DDs down in our bedroom and we stayed in the living room until our bed time.

Andcake Sat 01-Mar-14 18:14:23

I found the guidelines and all the routine advice very conflicting. But I went on the side of cation and had ds in a basket in a quiet corner of living room.
My rule as always been that I didn't want to ever think 'what if' if he we ports should happen. I couldn't live with myself.

mrsspagbol Sat 01-Mar-14 18:26:28

Can you not get a baby monitor?

Soupqueen Sat 01-Mar-14 18:27:08

We use a bednest at night for 5 month old DD.

The cot that she will move into at 6 months is currently in the living room so, when she goes down for the night (like you, we find she is absolutely ready for bed about 6/7pm), she goes into the cot in the same room as us.

When I go to bed, DH carries her through to the bedroom. Most of the time, she stays asleep. If she wakes up, a quick feed sends her back to sleep.

This works for us but where we're struggling is daytime naps. She will not sleep in the cot during the day, or anywhere else if she can help it. All the advice I read doesn't seem to take the SIDS guidelines into account.

andadietcoke Sat 01-Mar-14 18:29:45

Since 8w the DTs have gone to bed in their own room at 7pm and have been on their own until I go to bed with them. If you're very worried you could get an Angelcare monitor or a Respisense clip.

Hopelass Sat 01-Mar-14 19:01:59

Thanks for all your replies; we do have a monitor and will start using it. I think we'll just bite the bullet and put him in his crib alone upstairs until we're ready to go up and join him.

He'll be in his own room anyway from 6 months its just as a previous poster mentioned the 'what ifs' where if something should happen how would I feel knowing I'd left him alone whilst asleep before 6 months! Argh! confused Too many guidelines and conflicting advice!

pinkr Sat 01-Mar-14 19:58:08

dd has been in our room from 7pm till bedtime since she was 8weeks. She honestly wouldn't sleep in the living room with light/tv/us eating etc. We had a miserable baby and many long evenings of screaming and crying until I figured out she just wanted peace to sleep. We have a monitor etc.
She's just turned six months now and is spending her first night in the big cot!

AnythingNotEverything Sat 01-Mar-14 20:19:03

CuteLittletoes is wrong - guidelines are that they sleep in the same room as you for all naps until 6 months.

What you do as a parent is you weigh up the risks.

We started putting DD to bed before us at 16 weeks as she was clearly ready and was miserable downstairs sleeping on me. We pass all the other risk factors - she's EBF, we don't smoke, we keep an eye on the temperature etc.

I read that the risk peaks at 10 weeks and is highest between 2 and 4 months.

I assessed the risk and we made a decision that suited us.

cupcake78 Sat 01-Mar-14 20:27:41

You do what works best for your family! You can't possibly be in the same room as them when they sleep at this age. Not every minute and especially when trying to set a routine.

Get a baby monitor, put your ds to sleep in his cot when he is ready to sleep and if you want to leave the room, put the monitor on.

Both of my dc sleep better when we were not there to disturb them and neither of them got into into a routine until they had their own space to sleep.

Baby getting good rest is important as is you and your dh establishing a routine and having some space.

CuteLittleToes Sat 01-Mar-14 22:00:55

Oops, sorry, don't listen to me... Didn't realise it was naps too!

Hopelass Sun 02-Mar-14 09:56:40

Thanks all! Have definitely decided to start getting him into a bedtime routine. Will put the monitor on and put him to bed in our room when he's ready at night. We've weighed up the risks and made this our informed decision smile thank you all for your replies and advice!

Soupqueen Sun 02-Mar-14 10:10:36

cupcake, of course you can be in the same room as them at this age!

As a PP said, you weigh up the risks. We've elected to keep DD with us. Others make the, equally valid, choice not to. But to suggest its impossible to follow the guidelines is nonsense.

schmalex Sun 02-Mar-14 10:31:49

If you put the baby to sleep on its back, don't smoke and the room is the right temp, the SIDS risk is very low.
We put our DS in his own room before 6 months as we weighed up the risks. In my opinion, sleep is very important for health too. I wouldn't expect a 5 month old to be able to sleep in the living room with lights, tv, etc.

Soupqueen Sun 02-Mar-14 14:42:47

Well yes, we obviously don't have tv blaring, bright lights etc.

I can't say I'm not looking forward to getting our evenings back, but it really has been such a short time in the grand scheme of things, and worth it for our peace of mind - and we'll definitely continue some elements of peaceful, tranquil evenings such as not automatically putting the tv on.

capsium Sun 02-Mar-14 14:52:16

Used to put mine to bed at 8ish in our room and we would go to bed at 11.
When he was napping, he used to nap in a different room from being new born. We had a baby monitor with temperature gage and used to check on him.

We would only be in same room overnight. I always assumed that is what the advise meant, own room overnight from 6 months.

Oh well turned out OK.

pinkr Sun 02-Mar-14 18:26:29

we don't automatically put the TV on... In fact we're fond of sitting reading and I sew etc. but dd just was obviously distracted enough to find it hard to settle. I think you have to go with what works for you. There's no guarantee with life whether you follow guidelines or not sadly sad

Soupqueen Sun 02-Mar-14 18:41:17

It wasn't a dig - we did automatically put the tv on without thinking and won't go back to that.

I agree that everyone needs to go,with what works for them, I'm just putting an alternative view to the suggestion that the guidelines are impossible to follow. For what it's worth, we're considering the move a bit ahead of 6 months to see if it helps her daytime naps.

crochetcircle Sun 02-Mar-14 19:05:25

I never even thought of this with our two. Of course they slept away from us in the evenings!

I wonder what the SIDs research actually said about sleeping arrangements and whether this was what they meant when they said the risk was lower. I bet there weren't many people keeping their babies in the living room like this before they went to bed to know that this was what reduced the risk.

I'm not explaining myself very well - maybe someone with more science can help out.

capsium Sun 02-Mar-14 19:06:39

Actually thinking back when DS was small, naps were in the dining room. This was a through room to the kitchen and downstairs loo. So he used to get checked on fairly frequently. Monitor was sensitive too and picked up every move, sound, cough etc.

Really practically the same as he would have been if he was out of the way in a large lounge...

Soupqueen Sun 02-Mar-14 19:13:45

I think what the research shows is that risk is reduced when the baby sleeps in the same room, they don't know why. I doubt the research has gone into sleeping in the same room at night only versus at all times.

I suspect the guidelines recommend same room at all times because babies can die of SIDS at all times of day so there would be no logic to a recommendation for same room sleeping at night only.

capsium Sun 02-Mar-14 19:20:03

Thing is at night you are asleep / dosing in bed but may hear baby struggling if turned but couldn't turn back over or something like it. Especially if the cot is close to your bed. This is less likely if they are in another room and if you are sleeping / dosing you would not go and check.

If the are say in the hall during the day and you are in the lounge you are likely to pass them frequently and are able to check on them each time.

toomuchtooold Sun 02-Mar-14 19:25:36

We started putting our twins down for naps in their cots "alone" (next to each other but no adult present) at about 4 months. The HV was a bit shock but she wasn't the one who otherwise had to walk with the buggy for about 6 hours a day (they just stopped being able to sleep in the daylight without movement at about 3 months).

Our midwife said the same room thing was to do with the sound of your breathing regulating their breathing or something. In which case maybe my twins were keeping each other safe...

I don't know. I thought about it at the time, and I decided that given we don't smoke and the girls had no breathing problems we would risk it to guarantee them a decent nap/night's sleep. I think that's also important. I felt we were balancing a tiny risk of something catastrophic with the certainty of them being overtired and unhappy if we didn't get them napping properly. As with everything bloody else of course it's different with twins, I suppose with one you can have them nap/sleep on you.

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