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DP and nanny struggling to settle baby

(11 Posts)
fibrecruncher Wed 26-Feb-14 22:36:14

Just looking for some advice. Our 6 month old ds tends to get pretty cranky at 6pm often he'll have a short nap sometimes he'll skip it. Then he'll feed at 7ish then down for the night. My dp and our lovely nanny that comes 2 evenings a week seem to be finding it increasingly difficult to settle him before the nap and bedtime. While I find it sometimes challenging I do get him to settle.I am trying to advise them on how I hold, stroke, ssh, pick up put down - but I think Dp is taking it more as a personal criticism. Also if I'm there I don't want to intervene or they'll never figure it out although it's difficult to listen to the baby getting increasingly frantic. Any ideas on what I should do?

LEMmingaround Wed 26-Feb-14 22:41:22

without any extra information - settle the baby yourself?

Sharaluck Wed 26-Feb-14 22:46:45

I think you either need to go out of the house while they are settling the baby.

I can understand how your dp must feel it is like a personal criticism, as it must be frustrating for him to see how the baby settles better for you.

Maybe write down a list of ways you find settling baby that works and give that to both dh and the nanny. Maybe avoid discussing it, just give them the list. Baby will soon adjust to having them do the settling.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 26-Feb-14 22:49:50

Too many people trying to settle the baby and passing on their anxiousness onto baby. No consistency in care giver, springs to mind.
What to do? Nominate one care giver, baby will settle.

fibrecruncher Wed 26-Feb-14 23:05:41

The list seems like a good idea. I work several evenings a week so thats why there are different people. I am home with the baby all day so i am naturally more sensitive to his cues. The nanny usually only there in early evening and shes only started recently so she just needs time. My DP seems to lose patience after a while and I'm sure that passes onto the baby. This evening for example its 6pm and ds is getting cranky, dp tajes him and says he wants to try and put him down for his nap, he cries and wriggles so dp decides he has more energy and puts him down on playmat with noisy toys. I say perhaps thats not good for getting him to wind down. So he picks him up and puts him in his cot with the bloody mobile on which invariably makes him more frantic. This is the point that as I was home I intervene. ARRRGGGH!I think my dp was being a bit of a berk really but I'm desperately trying to be positive and patient with him. I just gave him a copy of the sleep whisperers top tips for sleep.

llamallama Wed 26-Feb-14 23:09:31

I have a DD the same age and she gets cranky that time of night but she won't nap but is happy just to be with me, on my lap or carried around. She is getting tired and ready for the night but doesn't actually need a nap. It's quite common to drop the late cat nap at this age. Are you sure that he needs it?

What happens if you don't nap him, does he get through to bedtime?

Obviously you know him best but I'm just wondering if the resistance isn't just about who is putting him down.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 26-Feb-14 23:10:28


Why is your dp helping the nanny? I think this is counter productive and part if not all of the problem.
I'm no expert but why not let one of them learn to settle your child before the other one does.
I'm sure that them being anxious is the problem.
I also agree with too much stimulation being a problem too.
I'm sure they'll get there eventually, but also agree you should go out rather than be involved as it won't help either nanny your dh become accustomed to settling baby.
good luck, it isn't easy listening to a baby cry without acting thanks

Sharaluck Wed 26-Feb-14 23:19:00

Dp needs to not interfere when the nanny is doing her 2 nights. He needs to let her get on with it.

I really don't think 3 caregivers is too many. I would guess it would be the norm if a parent has returned to work and the baby is in nursery/cm etc. 2 parents and a nanny is fine.

Just give them a list of helpful ideas that you have found to work.

Leave the house/don't get involved when it's not your turn (this applies to dp as well). And give it time. I'm sure it will all settled down soon.

LEMmingaround Wed 26-Feb-14 23:31:49

Is there a reason why your DP isn't able to take care of the baby on his own while you go to work?

fibrecruncher Wed 26-Feb-14 23:36:53

Thanks op. Maybe I wasn't clear Dp is not helping the nanny, also I'm often out when they are caring for the baby. As for the early evening nap I'd say most days he takes it. He doesn't usually sleep till about 9pm but goes straight through no dream feed. So I think we'll just leave it as is till solids are more established and gradually bring bedtime earlier. Just wondering does anyone elses Dp struggle?

fibrecruncher Thu 27-Feb-14 00:02:12

Oh and yes dp is mostly fine to take care of ds all the rest of the time it seems recent that hes having trouble in the evening. And Op to answer your question, our nanny covers the time I leave for work at about 3/4pm till dp gets home from work at 7pm.

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