I can't cope with my daughter getting up at 5 at the moment.

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

She is 4 and this has been going on for years. We have just lived with it as nothing we've tried to stop it has worked. (Gro clock, wake to sleep, telling her to stay in her room and play quietly, telling her to go back to sleep, letting her come into our bed.) She isn't able to quietly potter or watch tv either- wants to be awake, making noise and to have my company. It's an utter pain at the best of times but right now it feels like the last straw. My partner had a massive stroke at the weekend and I am terribly worried and struggling to sleep and only just about holding it together. I'm very aware I need to get enough rest and I just can't take it when I finally get to sleep only to be awoken a few hours later. This morning I just lost it at her and shrieked at her to get back to bed before bursting into tears. I don't want to be like this with my daughter or behave like this in front of my boys while their amazing dad is so ill. I need to hold it together. What can I do? How can I make her understand that she just can't wake us all up at 5?

[TerrifiedMothertobe]

I a, so sorry to hear about your partners stroke, it must be a really stressful time.

My son (2.5) also is an early riser and we too have tried it all, sometimes he hoes back to sleep with a drink but more often not. He however doesn't come out of his room very often and if he does, he is repeatedly sent back, no option.

However, as you have so much going on, is it a battle you want to fight?

[lilyaldrin]

What sanction is there if she comes out of her room before whatever time the gro clock is set for?

Does she go to bed early?

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

Thanks for the replies, TerrifiedMothertobe and lilyaldrin.:) I feel quite a bit better now that it's evening. Have forgiven myself for losing it with her given how stressful the past few days have been. I would still like to find a magic way to bribe or sedate or sanction her into submission or reset her body clock or something though! We are usually consistent about sending her/taking her straight back to bed but it doesn't seem to stop her from boinging straight out again 5 minutes later and then we usually have to put her back multiple times until 6am... She seems to understand that this is a total no-no and is an eager to please child in many ways but she's just wide awake and raring to go and can't seem to settle back to sleep or play quietly alone from the moment she opens her eyes. The wish to be up and at 'em is stronger than her fear of incurring our wrath and obviously she doesn't understand quite how serious things are with her dad, thankfully, so she's not doing anything different from normal. It's more that my coping ability (never that fab at 5am, I have to say!) is pretty much shot to pieces at present. The layout of our home doesn't help matters as her room is upstairs from ours so doing the guided return to bed with firmness but little or no attention involves trudging up a flight of stairs half asleep. I do feel a little bit too fragile for the fight atm, Terrified. There is no sanction as such, lilyaldrin, just the inevitable displeasure she faces, usually expressed in a less crap and emotionally charged way than this morning thankfully. Do you think I should stop her tv time, or something like that? She goes to bed about 7, utterly exhausted. (sorry for lack of spacing/paras. My return key is broken)

[lilyaldrin]

She might just need 10 hours of sleep a night at that age, so I'd start by pushing bedtime later (maybe 5 minutes a night) until she's going to bed at 8pm.

How about a sticker chart? Or marbles in a jar - every time she comes out of her room she loses a marble, if she doesn't have enough marbles at the end of the week she doesn't get a treat. She could earn marbles back by staying in bed the next day.

[not2nitedarling]

Maybe put her to bed 10mins early for the 1st few nights.. say 6/50pm then 10mins earlier again for another few days or even a week. You need to reward the positive behaviour.. bribe/sticker chart/whatever u think may work. My dd is 4.4 and we've been up since 0530. TBH I have to just readjust and rarely go to bed later than 10pm. I try to go to bed the same time as her 1 nite every now and again. But I am 42 so she wears me out!! I have no other children so can do this. You have ther stuff going on at the mo and this problem needs to be addressed when you are firing on all cylinders. Hope you are ok x

[MadIsTheNewNormal]

It sounds obvious, but are you putting her to bed too early? Also does she have decent blackout curtains in her room (not applicable in winter maybe but if the light wakes her up at other times of year she may have just fallen into a habit of always waking up reasly even when it's not light.) and is she disturbed by any regular noise at 5, such as the heating pump coming on?

[RandomMess]

I think at 4 she is old enough to be quiet in her room and not come out at all until the gro clock says she can.

Could you set up a story cd for her to listen to in the mornings. Or get out some different puzzles or toys for the following morning as paret of her bedtime routine?

[maxpower]

Firstly sorry to hear about your DP. Other than that part I could have written your post myself a few years ago. Tbh we tried everything with dd but in the end she just seemed to understand that it was too early and managed to entertain herself. It was purely down to her own level of development though. We found that putting her bedtime back didn't make her sleep later she woke up at the same time but was ratty all day because she was tired. At this point in time I would suggest you focus on getting to bed at a sensible time and eating well to look after yourself. Good luck

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

Hi mad- her room is pretty dark and I don't think there is any regular noise at 5am other than her chattering and calls down the stairs that her clock says it's 7 o'clock and time to get up (what a liar she is!) followed the patter of little feet descending the stairs and suppressed groans of resigned horror from us! Thanks not2nite. I am more or less ok, kind of adjusting and up and down, one minute full of hope at small but significant improvements and the next feeling very worried about the future. I don't know that much about stroke (though learning more by the day) but gather that recovery varies considerably from person to person so v hard to know what the prognosis is and it's obviously a very difficult, uncertain time. At the moment he is very badly affected- paralysed down one side and unable to speak but he is no longer "critical" and is out of intensive care and has been more alert and responsive every day. So in many ways huge progress and grounds to be hopeful and positive. I like the sticker chart/marble jar ideas accompanied by bribe. We haven't really tried that. Thank you all so much for all your support and ideas.

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

Thanks maxpower and randommess. I will definitely consider story tapes. I am also going to go to bed now in the hope that I will get off to sleep a bit earlier and be more able to attain calmness and patience in the morning!

[TerrifiedMothertobe]

My mother had a massive stroke on 1st October so I understand your absolute shock and fear. I too knew nothing about them and it's really scary.

My mother lost all speech and was paralysed down one side. We were told it was touch and go.

The recovery has been very slow, but she survived and is now walking unaided and talking!

Keep your chin up and don't worry too much about loosing your rag, stressful time, and an early riser..... Your entitled to it!

Hope you see some improvements in husband and daughter soon!

[altogetherwonderful]

I feel for you, I had similar antics

• Sticker chart

Reassurance - 'Mummy will come up & waken you when it's morning. Don't come downstairs. Mummy needs to sleep. Sleeping is what big girls do'

'Big girls have big sleeps!'

Oh & a good run around the garden or park around 4-5pm each day if poss really helped my somewhat stubborn 4yr old usually hide & seek or another game

Followed by a carb heavy dinner

Also mentally tire her out - colouring after dinner, quiet book times, is her room a place she enjoys being in? Lamp? Cosy?

[nibbysmum]

I couldn't read and run. So so sorry to hear about your husband. What a terrible time for you. I'm sorry I have zero advice as I've never been there but just wanted to send some love. Hope things improve for you soon x

[not2nitedarling]

hope you had a gd nite and not such an early start. make sure u try to look after yourself. keep getting a n earlish nite if u can, hugs xx

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

Thanks not2nite. I did have a better morning of it both today and yesterday, mostly due to managing my emotions better and managing to sleep a bit earlier rather than Miss EarlyRiser failing to get up at the very crack. Thanks so much for your support, everyone.

[CouthyMow]

If she is sleeping for a set amount of time each night (7pm to 5am), then she only NEEDS 10 hours sleep.

YOU as a parent have to decide what matters more to you - getting up at 5am or getting her to bed for 7pm...

If you REALLY can't stand her getting up at 5am (and I can't with my DC's), then you need to put her to bed later.

You CAN'T make her sleep for any longer than she needs, that is just setting yourself up to fail. She obviously only NEEDS 10 hours sleep.

If you put her to bed at 8pm, I would bet my bottom dollar that she will stay asleep until 6am. Put her to bed at 9pm, she will wake naturally at 7am.

My 3yo DS3 only NEEDS 9 hours sleep. (Ugh)

I've given up - not getting up at the arse fart of dawn matters more to me than having him up later in the evening. I put him to bed at 9pm, he naturally wakes at 6am, and rarely has a nap. It's all the sleep he personally needs.

Choose whether you want her in bed for 7pm or if you want her to wake at 6am/7am. You're just NOT going to get both, no matter what you do.

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

I've tried putting her to bed later, couthy. Would far rather have her around later in the evenings than at 5 am! I'm not a strict bed at seven person really, though she is usually tired at this time so I do often respond to yawns at 7ish by putting her to bed. Keeping her up later usually makes no difference to her wake up time at all though once or twice she has woken up earlier when put to bed later. I think maxpower said that she had the same experience, downthread.

[Meglet]

DS was like this and I never cracked it. Gro-clock failed (tried for a year), he ripped up or ignored sticker charts, couldn't care less about pasta pots. He has a cosy, dark room so he's not being woken by anything. It pushed me to the brink.

He's 7 and woke up at 5:45 today .

So no magic solutions, just sympathy .