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Is it absolutely essential to sleep in the same room as a newborn all the time?

(26 Posts)
MrsPatMustard Mon 03-Feb-14 10:16:17

Am feeling like I'm going to break if I don't get some sleep soon. DS is two weeks old and I find it impossible to sleep when he sleeps at night. I knew there would be a nightly round of feeds etc. But I didn't realise that he would be so noisy when he was asleep. He seems to constantly be in REM sleep and grunts, cries, whimpers wriggles constantly. All my sleep seems to be in 5 minute chunks between noisy episodes and I already feel ill with sleep deprivation. It 's like trying to sleep with someone yelling in my ear. I love him so much but I feel so desperate I am really tempted to leave him in one room while I try and kip in another for an hour - which makes me feel like a really neglectful parent. Does anyone know exactly why we have to sleep in the same room? Is it because of SIDS? Had anyone else had the same problem? I don 't have any family I can draw on for support and DH commutes and has very long days, so I'm home alone most of the time and don't have the option of getting anyone else in to give me a break. I really need help...

Ragwort Mon 03-Feb-14 10:19:35

I will get flamed for this but I slept in a different room to my new baby.

But you will get loads of posters coming on to point out all the risks and make endless comments about 'it's just a short time', 'your baby's only young for a little while' etc etc. Sleeplessness is awful and the risks of a sleep deprived mum caring for a young baby are horrendous.

In fact I rarely join these threads any more but I genuinely think more people do let their baby sleep separately than admitted on Mumsnet, but just can't take the flaming so avoid these topics grin.

MrsPatMustard Mon 03-Feb-14 10:45:08

Thanks for your honesty Ragwort. I guess I should expect to get shot down by other Mumsnetters then...

2 weeks in and I already feel like a terrible mother - I honestly don't want to put him at risk but I only had an hour's solid sleep last night and I don't know how long I can last like that. And I'm so tired I don't want to interact with him during the day. I just feed him, change him and dump him back in the cot so I can try and doze - which I hate myself for.

ilovepowerhoop Mon 03-Feb-14 10:50:38

I used earplugs when they were in the same room as us and still managed to hear them before dh.

Ragwort Mon 03-Feb-14 12:49:57

Could your DH sleep in the same room as the baby on Friday and Saturday nights? At least you might get a bit more sleep that way. Are you breast feeding? I can remember sleeping really deeply (and in a separate room grin) and my DH had to wake me up to breast feed as DS was crying I hadn't heard him at all.

Good luck, it is such a difficult time and everyone is expecting you to be 'on top of the world'. Very few people are really honest about how hard the first few weeks can be. Actually it's still hard work 13 years later grin but for different reasons!

Andcake Mon 03-Feb-14 12:54:22

we did and my only thought was ' what would i feel like if I didn't and the worst happened' I don't think I could live with myself. We also did do shifts though so we both had time when baby wasn't in the same room. It wasn't actually ds noises that kept me awake it was the lack of them as it frightened the living daylights out of me. i forget the amount of times I accidentally woke him up checking he was still breathing

Beanymonster Mon 03-Feb-14 12:56:24

I chucked my dd into her own room fairly early, babies are noisy and to be a good mother I needed my sleep!

DrankSangriaInThePark Mon 03-Feb-14 13:01:38

You need to check out the NHS guidelines about it and then do your own risk assessment.

No-one can really convince you on the basis of their own anecdotes. Or at least I would hope not.

The no-sleep period is awful, and you have my sympathies. Have you tried sleeping when the baby does during the day? At least to get some semblance of rest? You are not a terrible mother, and feeding 'em, changing 'em and dumping 'em in a cot is what the job description of a 2 week old says! flowers

UriGeller Mon 03-Feb-14 13:13:11

It is entirely up to you but guidelines are there to advise. When my dcs were new they were monstrous grunters. What worked for me was to share my bed with them. DP slept in the spare room and I found my tiny newborn, placed safely in the middle of a clear bed would creep to me during the night, would then settle on their side! snuggled into my armpit where they'd be blissfully silent til the next feed.

I'm sure that's not in the guidelines but its evidently what my babies needed when they were very new.

NoisyBrain Mon 03-Feb-14 13:33:35

Ear plugs. Can't recommend them highly enough. I'm a very light sleeper so I'd always hear him cry even with them in but they filter out all the grunty stuff smile

MrsPatMustard Mon 03-Feb-14 13:44:00

Urigeller this is exactly what happened last night. He was making so much noise that I thought he needed winding and picked him up. The moment I held him he instantly quietened down so I brought him into bed. I put him down in the middle of a vast bed only for him to gradually snuggle up against me. But I couldn't relax and sleep because I was terrified of squashing him....

GingerMaman Mon 03-Feb-14 13:53:05

If you need to sleep separately, just do it. Your baby will be fine.

Gosh for an hour or two is perfectly fine. I did that many times, and even did half a night away. Just had to go back in to feed.

FuckyNell Mon 03-Feb-14 13:54:38

Yy earplugs. Drowns out low level noise.

Iheartcrunchiebars Mon 03-Feb-14 13:58:32

My DH can sleep through the grunts so I sleep in the spare room & he comes to gete when she needs feeding.

ooerrmissus Mon 03-Feb-14 14:00:04

both mine were terrible grunters. They were in their own rooms from very tiny, it was the only way I could get any sleep. They had a baby monitor with a motion sensor so if they had stopped breathing the alarm would have gone off.

ThoughtsPlease Mon 03-Feb-14 14:06:35

All 3 DC have been in their own rooms from the start.

I need sleep.

All 3 slept well very quickly, and in part I think this is due to not being picked up when they didn't need to be, which in my view can lead to sleep issues in the future.

blueberryupsidedown Mon 03-Feb-14 14:12:36

I was exactly the same, and they were both in their own room at 4 weeks old. But both were normal weight at birth, not premature, there were no smoking at all during pregnancy and ever, and neither had any health issues. And both slept on their backs. And we had a baby monitor. If it worries you a lot, you could get one of the Angels baby monitors which monitors the baby's heartbeat and beeps if there's no movement. I just couldn't sleep at all, at all.

Tiredemma Mon 03-Feb-14 14:16:15

Ds1 went into his own room at 2 weeks
Ds2 went into his own room at 7 days
DD1 went into her own room at 2 days.

I cannot sleep with a baby in the room.

PenguinsDontEatKale Mon 03-Feb-14 14:21:26

In answer to your question, yes the reason room sharing is advised is SIDS prevention. You will need to make your own risk assessment really.

In terms of a noisy sleeper, I would give foam earplugs a go. They often block out enough noise to sleep without stopping you from hearing crying. Also, if you sleep on your side you can put one just in the 'exposed' ear.

PorkPieandPickle Wed 05-Feb-14 09:32:33

The reason sharing a room with baby is meant to reduce SIDS risk is it helps to regulate their breathing. Read up on it, assess risks make choice. That's what people do with all choices in relation to going against guidance whether its co-sleeping, tummy sleeping or room sharing.

As long as you make peace with your choice and know you wouldn't blame yourself if something did happen, then you will be fine. All the best, enjoy your sleep!!

nibbysmum Fri 07-Feb-14 07:23:26

Mine was a terrible grunter, groaner, wriggler, farter!! Firstly that does get better. Mine slept quietly from 11 weeks old. We decided to move him to his own room from 3am as for some reason that's when it was really bad! The rest of the time we put up with it but I remember how bloody awful it was!!!! You could get an angelcare monitor for a bit more piece of mind but failing that I guess it's up to you to research and decide what you think is best thing to do.

Blankiefan Fri 07-Feb-14 09:56:24

You might want to try some white noise (loads of free apps are available). It will help baby to sleep but also will provide some background noise to even out baby's groans/whines.

My DD is a noisy bugger too. We used white noise. At 12 weeks, the nightly chorus of DD on one side of me and her dad on the other encouraged me to put her into her own room. She took the white noise with her and I'm sure it helps her sleep. She's 15 weeks now and either wakes for one feed per night or sleeps through. (7.30pm to 7am).

As PP says, you need to do your research and decide what risks you are comfortable with. I've known friends who have had their baby in with them for 18 months and others who put baby in their own room on the first night home from hospital.

purplemurple1 Fri 07-Feb-14 15:19:03

Ear plugs and, white noise here too, and OH does one full night at the weekend so I can catch up. We are moving him tommorow (5.5 months) as I'm back at work and can't sleep in the spare bed several nights a week due to hip pain.

You really have to do what is going to work for you both.

PearlGrey Fri 07-Feb-14 19:56:40

Ear plugs here too. The silicone type, just to take the edge off. Plus co sleeping. Getting much more sleep this way than when I put equally as noisy dd1 in her own room at 4 weeks. If I'm particularly tired and dd2 a bit sniffy I'll put on a sound app.
You need some chunks of proper sleep so get some ear plus and a little white noise, it'll make a difference.

Good luck and congratulations.

MrsPatMustard Fri 07-Feb-14 21:20:42

Thank you everyone, some useful advice (and reassurance). Will definitely try the white noise thing. I never knew what guilt felt like until I became a mother....

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