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Co-sleeping has become a nightmare! Help!

(13 Posts)
LemonGoby Mon 27-Jan-14 08:05:12

Getting desperate here! DS is almost 6 months and until 3 1/2 months was sleeping really well at night (down c.8.30pm, one wake up c.3am and then back down till morning). Then it all changed (4 month regression?) and he began waking every 2 hours. This is okay, I thought, we'll ride it out and co-sleep to get through it.

The problem is, we haven't got through it and it's all getting ridiculous now as he is totally, utterly dependent on my boob to sleep in a way that he wasn't before.

He goes down at about 8/8.30pm (in his own room) but then usually requires resettling with just a pick up and a hug twice before we go to bed. Then he wakes at 12.30am and I bring him into our bed for a feed, and then wakes again at 2/2.30am, 4.30am, 5.30am and is fed back to sleep each time, and then we're up at 6.30am for the day as DD (3.7) is up then.

I don't mind the idea of co-sleeping in theory, I quite like it, but in practice it's not good for us - we have a big bed but it still feels like there's not enough space, and lying on my side to feed him has given me a really bad lower back which pinches all night and when I get up in the morning. DS feeds and then falls aleep lying in the crook of my arm, but I find this uncomfortable after a while, and also worry about his head being raised up on my upper arm for extended periods. When I try to ease my arm out from under him once he's asleep he invariably wakes up and then won't resettle without the boob again, even if it's only been a few mins since he stopped feeding! I wouldn't leave him to cry but I can't even leave him to grumble for a minute or two to see if he'd resettle himself as DD has very sensitive hearing and wakes if she hears him, and then I have 2 awake and in tears! I really feel he is waking more because we are co-sleeping, but I'm not sure how to fix this. I'd ideally like him sleeping back in his cot and for me to go into his room for feeds and then put him back down so I can sleep properly in my own bed! We have just started solids and he seems very enthusiastic and is taking baby porridge, a few purées and lots of finger foods. The nappies are changing so I know he's taking stuff in, but I don't really think it's hunger that is making him wake so much, it's habit and comfort.

Any suggestions? I am feeling a bit broken at the moment! Thanks...

purplemurple1 Mon 27-Jan-14 15:22:05

Could you try a dummy and your OH settling him when it isn't a feed time?

LemonGoby Tue 28-Jan-14 11:38:30

He won't take a dummy unfortunately, I reckon I've left it too late to introduce one now. DH has man flu at the moment but I'll ask him to try resettling instead of me when he's better. Worth a shot, thanks!

JustLetMeSleep Tue 28-Jan-14 17:31:26

Nothing useful but I feel your pain. I'm in the same situation with DD2, who's 9mo. Wakes every two hours at least from when I put her down, with one four hour stretch, so I can't even go to bed early to sleep any more. I am considering co sleeping now as she seems to hate her cot and am trying to wean her during the day at least. It's a complete arse, isn't it?

sharonosaurus Tue 28-Jan-14 17:40:41

Same here, we both go to bed at 6.00pm, every night.
DD feeds every few hours. Its exhausting, Shes 9 months.

I manage to creep downstairs at about 8pm to make a drink, then I go back to bed.

Im wondering wether to offer her water in a bottle if its only been an hour since last feed, she just suckles really, & Im getting sore.

cakebaby Tue 28-Jan-14 18:26:13

Shameless place marking. Ds is 21 weeks & we now co sleep following illness. He feeds to sleep & to stay asleep. My neck, shoulders, back are knackered. No idea how to stop, no resilience at the moment. Ds would drive Ms Pantley to distraction with his persistence with her gentle removal plan....the boy has determination that's for sure. After 90 mins if it I cracked before he did...3 nights running!

ArtemisTheHunter Tue 28-Jan-14 20:38:02

Another one marking my place (waves blearily at Cakebaby). DD is 24 weeks. We began co sleeping as a short term response to sleep deprivation and frequent night feeds in the early days but DD is now dependent on us to sleep. I can spend an hour getting her to sleep but the second she's put down she wakes and wants the boob again to resettle herself. She has also proved resistant to PPO and other NCSS type techniques. My aspiration is the same as yours OP and I don't want to do CC or CIO. I know I need to break her dependence on sleep associations and somehow teach her to settle herself but no idea where to start...

pinkr Wed 29-Jan-14 16:51:24

anytime anyone on here posts a sleep problem everyone always raves on about cosleeping but I have back problems and it just doesn't work for us although I've tried it. I just insist that the cot is the place to sleep. I find a hand on dd sometimes helps if she fussed. I think it's possibly become a bad habit for your little one that may need a bit of noise to sort. How long do you try him in the cot for? my dd will squeak sometimes when I put her down but, when I used to instantly pick her up, now I leave her about a min and she usually settles. I wouldn't leave her to cry but I will leave her to moan and groan a bit. In my mind there's a difference between a little Sob and proper crying. I now know that picking up when she's having a little Sob just enhances the problem... She ends up more awake etc. Maybe try leaving him for a short bit and see?

cakebaby Wed 29-Jan-14 18:48:39

I wish my ds would squeak a bit in the cot instead of flinging himself about, being a wild flurry of arms and legs, howling til he gets hiccups and is sick hmm

Laquila Wed 29-Jan-14 20:08:01

Cakebaby that's exactly what my boy does. If he's not awake to begin with, he certainly is by the time he's flung his little legs up and down twenty times with enough force to wake me and my husband up! He flails around when he's feeding too but I think there's just something about being in bed that makes him more energetic?!

We currently do a combination of co-sleeping and him being in his bednest (which is pretty much co-sleeping anyway). At the moment he wakes every two hours and it's bloody horrendous. I'm lying in the bath as we speak, reading "Sleepless in America", which unsurprisingly does not contain a magical solution. I really feel your pain - you're not alone!

cakebaby Wed 29-Jan-14 20:18:07 old is your ds laquila ?

Sorry, hijacking your thread a bit OP! Will stop now flowers

Laquila Wed 29-Jan-14 20:57:31

He's 21 wks, cake - up til around 16 wks we were getting 4hr stretches but it all went tits up before Christmas. It's just completely soul-destroying at the moment sad

cakebaby Wed 29-Jan-14 21:01:00

Mine too, 21 wks & to rats at Xmas. Join us on the 4 month regression support thread, you're not alone. And you OP! smile

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