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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

Is there anything obvious we're missing???

17 replies

meringuesnowflakes33 · 16/12/2013 20:35

11 mo. Naps well. Goes down like a dream at 7pm. Invariably wakes at some point between midnight and 3am and takes around two bloody hours to resettle.

We've tried milk, no milk. Rocking, singing, co-sleeping. Can't do shush pat or CC as he is crying when he wakes and if not picked up becomes hysterical and starts banging his head off cot.

Don't think it can be hunger waking him as he eats well. Sometimes he does resettle himself if we leave him for a few minutes so he is capable of it, just doesn't always happen.

Any thoughts gratefully appreciated. Can't wait for this phase to pass!!!!

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IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce · 16/12/2013 20:36

Teething? Have you tried a little bit of calpol?

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bishboschone · 16/12/2013 20:39

How does dc go to sleep? Do they settle themselves ? If not that is your problem , they are coming into light sleep and can't re settle themselves . Have you tried offering water ?

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noblegiraffe · 16/12/2013 20:40

Overtired or not tired enough? How long are his daytime naps?

Cold? What temperature is it in his room and what is he wearing?

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meringuesnowflakes33 · 16/12/2013 21:17

Calpol, Nurofen and teething gel have no effect on his sleep. He isn't currently teething.

He is never put down awake, I guess we do need to tackle that but am scared to!

Room temp and layers appear to make no difference.

He naps for 2-3 hours per day. Less than that seems to make him sleep worse if anything.

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bishboschone · 16/12/2013 21:22

There is your problem, you need to teach him to self settle . We have always used music with our dc . I have a scout bear that plays music for 10
Minutes . Have done so from day one and ds is always asleep before the music finishes.. Teaching him to self settle is the key I'm afraid . When he wakes up in the night he needs you because he doesn't know how to get back to sleep without you. He doesn't actually want anything so all those things won't fix it .

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meringuesnowflakes33 · 16/12/2013 21:25

He does appear to self settle sometimes though? Sometimes I hear him in the night, he has a little cry or a play then goes back to sleep.

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bishboschone · 16/12/2013 21:27

How quickly do you go in? I would leave him as long as you can or unless he is hysterical . That's me though.

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bishboschone · 16/12/2013 21:29

If he can self settle I would concentrate on that and try putting him down awake at 7 pm with some music. Work on that and I bet he gets better at 3 am . Worth a try .

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lanbro · 16/12/2013 21:33

Agree, self settling is the key, something I learnt the hard way first time round! Dd2 3mo is always put down awake!

You may have to do shush pat or cc but once he's cracked it you'll be amazed at the change, good luck!

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FinallyGotAnIPhone · 16/12/2013 21:34

If it's any consolation I have the same problem with my 9 month old frequently. I feel cheated too as I did controlled crying at 6 months (sorry controversial I know but it worked for me) - result - she used to sleep through, then she got poorly and now since she's been better (last 3 weeks) she now does this whole screaming in the middle of the night business I literally have no idea why. Don't remember my other Dd doing this. She literally stands in her cot and screams and screams. Can't wait for the phase to pass and if you find the solution please let me know!!

Not convinced it's the lack of "self settle" thing with mine or teeth, or hunger....I've literally no idea at all I think she's just an angry baby!

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LucyBabs · 16/12/2013 21:55

Lol finally Angry baby,I can relate my ds now 2 was an angry baby and is now an angry toddler

I agree with previous posters. If your lo is being put to bed alseep she'll wake wondering how she got there as when she was last awake she was in your arms.

Have a read of the "no cry sleep solution"
Its all about creating healthy sleep associations.

A good example in it;imagine you are warm, safe and happy sleeping in your bed to then suddenly awake, alone in the dark on the kitchen floor. This is what it must feel like for a baby who falls asleep in their parents arms.

My ds was an awful sleeper but I'm so thankful he now asks to go to bed and 6 out of 7 nights he sleeps right through the night

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FinallyGotAnIPhone · 16/12/2013 22:00

Oh God...Lucy I was hoping that when she grew older I'd be able to chuckle about those nightmare baby months and say "gosh and now she's so placid". Sounds like it isn't likely!

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LucyBabs · 16/12/2013 22:25

Hopefully you'll be more lucky than me finally My ds was born angry! He's lovely, affectionate, and hilarious when he's asleep but when he's angry everyone must run before he blows

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FinallyGotAnIPhone · 17/12/2013 07:16

Sorry appreciate we're hijacking here but Lucy she war born angry too! Such a shock as DD1 was soooo so placid. I remember the joyous days when she was a baby and she used to wake up and sing or coo in her cot. Not this one. Moment she's opened her eyes it's "Waaa Waaa Waaa come here mummy I'm so angry with the world".

Meringue how was your night last night- any better? my DD was with my exP last night (sometimes she stays with me sometimes with him) but I've just spoken to him he said she woke at 12, 3 and 6. Gutted him! What a nightmare at 9 months!

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IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce · 17/12/2013 07:34

I don't think you need to teach him to self settle - particularly if the idea makes you anxious - and as you said, he can do it anyway when he doesn't need anything.

There's no need to teach them stuff like this. It often stops working anyway whenever anything new happens - and most often, what you're describing is a phase that it's perfectly possible to ride out with a little bit of stamina.

I'd suggest keeping his cot as near to you as possible to make it easier for YOU. Also when you say he isn't teething - well teeth can take a while to push through and all that time they can feel uncomfortable. But if calpol isn't working then perhaps it is something else he needs - just to be near you perhaps or something, we know they don't cry for no reason, but figuring out what it is can be a nightmare

I've an 11mo too and co sleeping works incredibly well with him - he does wake and cry, but only when he is in trouble of some sort - usually wind or teeth I think. The point is it's easier for ME if he's right next to me - the sooner I go to him, the quicker he settles as he doesn't fully wake, or think 'hold on, I'm awake, no one's come' so he goes back down far sooner.

That's the point of co sleeping for me - I don't have to knacker my back leaning over a cot or lifting him up, I can just be there with him and he knows I'm there and goes back to sleep whenever the problem is resolved.

So I know you said it didn't make him settle, but still, it might save you some work.

Anyway hope things were better last night. One thing about babies is that they are always changing, week to week, day to day and they DO learn to sleep better all by themselves.

You'll be cool.

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IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce · 17/12/2013 07:38

'A good example in it;imagine you are warm, safe and happy sleeping in your bed to then suddenly awake, alone in the dark on the kitchen floor. This is what it must feel like for a baby who falls asleep in their parents arms.'

Yes...sometimes. My three boys all fall/fell asleep in my arms, the middle one was very calm and would happily sleep in his cot, and wake fairly contented, but the other two slept in my bed with me and woke up, if they woke up, just as warm and safe as when they fell asleep and this was what facilitated good associations for them I think.

If they struggled in their sleep they would roll over and touch me and know I was there.

I think teaching them to go to sleep 'on the kitchen floor' isn't really the ideal answer to this - far better to hold them to sleep, then have them near to you when and if they should wake.

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meringuesnowflakes33 · 17/12/2013 12:54

But we're not putting him down on the kitchen floor, we're putting him in his cot

Hmm I guess there are no easy answers. Last night he was up before midnight and DP was still up so resettled him. He then slept through til 7.45am so v happy this morning!

He did cry a couple of times in the night but stopped before we woke up properly or got up. He was happily playing with his toys for ages this morning, so I don't think being alone in his cot scares him.

We do co-sleep often but it's not a long term solution as I really don't sleep well with him in bed, he thrashes around and rotates 180 degrees!

Will see how he gets on when he starts nursery. I know it's a phase but it has been months and I'm tired! Can't imagine how to teach him to self settle without a lot of tears...