leaving 9 week old in room on own for sleep(21 Posts)
Hi, we are trying to make some changes to our 9 week olds sleeping. At the moment she goes down at about 11ish for about six hours. We wanted to add to the start of that so she goes down a bit earlier and were planning to try putting her down at about 800 for a couple of hours, feeding her and then putting her down again at 10 or 11. What i wondered is whether it is ok to leave her on her own in the room for that first bit of sleep while we go downstairs and eat etc? This might sound silly but she's our first and has always been with either of us so far!
Can't remember what we did with DS1 but with DS2, now 8 months, he was still cluster feeding til.about 10 weeks then more settled after that. So up until then he was often sleeping on one of us, up, or feeding til late.
We did have him napping in a room on his own from about 10 weeks, so in the evenings were doing what you're planning. We had a baby monitor and would peek in regularly.
All the best with it, you will get your evenings back sooner than it might seem like right now!
Yes I think it's fine, we did with ds who is 8 months old. We checked on him regularly and had one of those baby sensor mat things.
This is one of those things which you should make your own judgement on. The official advice is that they should be with someone for all their sleep until 6 months. My understanding is that they tend to regulate their breathing better when someone else is in the room (so a monitor isn't the same). Personally that's what I did but SIDS is rare and if you are following the rest of the advice then the additional risk is probably small.
More info here: www.lullabytrust.org.uk/room-share. I hope you come to a decision you're comfortable with whatever that is
We put dd down at seven in.our room (adjacent to the lounge), from.eight weeks. We woke her/she woke us.at 10.30pm amd 3am for.milk
We followed the SIDS advice to the letter but did, if I'm honest, find it very restrictive in the evenings & at nap times with DD downstairs with us all the time. It was then a bit of a battle to get her to settle in her own room at 6 months. I'm not sure what we'll do if we have another.
(Less than helpful - sorry!) basically just do what ever you feel comfortable with. Listen to the advice so that you are fully informed but it can be a bitch to stick to and no one (worth listening to) is going to judge you for doing whatever you decide to do.
We did what Mrswelly suggests also, it is not very long in the scheme of things.
Mine is almost 12 weeks and we wondered about this. We were conflicted between the SIDS advice of always being in the room with them sleeping, and also to it them down for the night in dark room, in their crib, so that they get used to the difference between night sleeps and daytime naps. Putting him down in the living room with us and the tv on andis chatting didn't seem very restful.
In the end we put him down in his crib. We're in a two bed flat so he's not far from us and we watch the monitor to make sure he's okay. Works for us so far!
We put our 11 week old down in her cot in the bedroom in the evenings, with the door open. We are not particularly quiet, walking around outside on the landing, noisy showers with bathroom door open, going in and out of the room she's sleeping in so her sleep is not deep and she usually will have 2 feeds before we turn on for the night.
That's my practical interpretation of the Sids advice - we are around and her sleep isn't too deep but we do have the routine of her going to bed at night which works for us and enables us to have much needed meal together downstairs.
What Glorious said re SIDS guidelines. SIDS risk in general is very low and we all take calculated risks as parents, but it's worth being aware that no-one knows for sure why SIDS is less likely to occur with an adult in the room, just that it is. Noise disturbance, hearing breathing, parent's expired CO2 triggering breaths, noticing when something untoward is happening - these are all theories but none are proven as yet. Monitors including movement monitors don't seem to make any difference.
I kept him with me for all sleeps until 6 months because I'm
a nervous wreck risk averse But I wouldn't judge anyone for making a different decision. It's one of the trickier ones to stick to IMO.
We took MrsWelly 's approach too by the way, but used his pram downstairs. We put him in his Grobag first so could transfer him upstairs with minimal disturbance.
We did a bit of both but did settle DD and DS in own room before the 6 month guidelines. I always felt a bit uncomfortable because if the worst happened you'd probably always blame yourself for not following all the available advice to the letter, but neither of mine settled well with any other noise or light around so we caved in eventually.
As a PP said, you have to make decisions which are right for you personally and make your peace with them.
Is very difficult - with my first DC I intended to keep her with me at all times. However she was so tired in the early evening it just seemed right to "put her to bed" in a dark, quiet room upstairs. I think she was about 6 weeks. I can't remember with DC2 what we did but think we did do a bedtime routine and put him to bed at 7 (same time as DC1) at a similar stage.
DC3 has also been v tired in the evening and goes up to her cot (in our room) - which she has been doing reliably since about 8-9 weeks. It is different with her though as I need to put her upstairs to nap sometimes as the other DC would wake her otherwise. You could argue I don't "need" to, but it seems the best balance of everyone's needs including mine - having a shrieking overtired baby when trying to do dinner for other DC is not pleasant. I do wear her in a carrier sometimes but not always practical with cooking etc.
Ds goes to sleep about 8ish in his cot next to our bed, & my dh lays on the bed next to him while I eat dinner etc till about 9:30 when I go to bed (need to sleep early cos he still wakes 2-3 times at night). Dh then goes downstairs & has his dinner etc.
However dh works late some nights, like tonight, so once ds is asleep he'll be upstairs on his own for about 70-80 mins. We have an angelcare monitor & I check him regularly, but I have to eat & iron work clothes, let dogs out etc. Dh won't be home till 10-11ish so I can't wait for him before I do all of that. I know it's a SIDS risk but there's no alternative.
By the way both of my dsis's have 2 dc & their dc's were put to sleep alone early evening & left. Both of them think my dh & I are very pfb by not leaving him alone in the evening; all their dc's were fine (but they both live in flats & everything is on one level whereas we have an upstairs so a bit different I think?)
Not sure I've actually helped you?! Just waffled on.
That's all really helpful thanks! Good to know others think the same and to see how other people make things work. She is my first and i think it's just good to know what others do. Now for next dilemma! So we have one nice long bit of sleep and want to add another earlier and shorter one that will give us some sort of an evening. Any thoughts on whether we'd be better off trying to extend the sleep we currently have (by putting her down a little earlier each night) or whether we'd be better trying to get a nap in the evening which might increase in length over time? Not sure how much sense this makes?! Currently sleep 10ish to 6ish and want to change to 7 to 7 with a feed at about 1030. Thanks for any thoughts or ideas!
She sleeps in the morning probably for a couple of hours and then odd bits throughout the day. Apart from the morning one nothing longer than an hour. The morning nap is pretty much straight after her first feed after she's dressed, lights on etc. Ideally we'd like to move this nap to before the night rather than after!
At nine weeks, my dd was sort of timed nap to nap. So no.matter how long she slept, id put her back down 1.5hrs later. So say she wakes at 6, settle her back down at 7.30 after some milk.
Whatever time she wakes, put her back down 1.5hrs later (ish). So your day may go something like this:
3.30- 5 Sleep
Bath at six, down at 6.30.
All sleeps before bath - in the light and noise.of the living room. After bath, take her in your room, lights low, for last feed and maybe a singsong or story. Down into the cot.in the dark. Ideally she will then wake around 10.30 for a feed (or you can dreamfeed her if she hasnt woke by 11). Hopefully she will then do her usual 11-6.
With both of ours from about 2 weeks old we have given them a bath about 7 ish, feed and in their cot in their room. Then about 11ish when we go to bed, fed them and put them in the moses basket in our room.
Obviously only you can decide what is right for you.
I can't imagine having 5 month old DS asleep in the living room with me all evening - sorry if that sounds terrible! But during the day he won't sleep in his cot so does end up having naps in the pushchair in the hall or in his bouncy chair in the living room.
I think a video monitor helps - even now I am watching DS wriggling around upstairs on the screen.
Re the "new" evening sleep I would probably on, say a Saturday, so you presumably have some help, try not to let your DD sleep after, say 4pm, then she should be ready to sleep at 7. Maybe start a bath routine, then put her in her cot or with you to sleep (whichever you have decided), then wake her at 11 ish to feed again. See if she still does the 6 hour sleep - if she does, great, if she doesn't then maybe try a more gradual approach.
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