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Why can I not feed DD to sleep?

(60 Posts)
stopprocrastinating Sun 25-Aug-13 22:29:10

Please remind me why we’re controlled crying?

DD falls asleep on the boob, very easily, and is then transferred from our bed to her cot. Due to impending move to nursery, DH is insisting that we do crying it out controlled crying. I don’t like it and neither does DD.

When we have mastered DD self-soothing. We’ve just done third night in row, of controlled crying, do I need to then start putting her down awake, every night? If we revert to falling asleep on the boob, will all the crying it out have been in vain. She’s six and a half months old. For the last few nights, I've moved her just as she's coming to end of feed, and before she's fallen asleep.

DH has two sisters, and they both did controlled crying for their children, and he’s been listening to their advice on getting children to sleep. DD is still waking every two to three hours, and whilst I cope, DH hates it.

I've agreed to move her to nursery, at seven months, and consider giving her just water at night, at eight months (as per his sisters advice). DH is worried, that if we don't act now, we could have a poor sleeper for years to come. I'm much more laid back.

Is he right? Try to convince me that he is correct. I've compromised, and I don't like it.

hettienne Sun 25-Aug-13 22:33:37

6 months seems a bit young for controlled crying!

If you want to stop feeding to sleep, why not try something a bit gentler? Try reading the Baby Whisperer for sleep advice maybe.

PoppyWearer Sun 25-Aug-13 22:38:43

Trust your instincts. Do what you think is right. Ignore your SILs.

Moving your baby into the nursery might be enough to allow your DH to sleep better.

You will wake up for her, my DH can certainly sleep through our DCs.

Good luck.

Cravingdairy Sun 25-Aug-13 22:42:54

You asked, so...I think you should trust your instincts. Six months is very young to 'self soothe' or sleep through the night. Plenty of toddlers need parental intervention in the night, never mind small babies. If you are uncomfortable with your husband's suggestions do please say so. Every family is different and every child has different needs.

Sleep training is effective at extinguishing crying but will it teach your child that bed is safe and sleep is nice? That's what will build a foundation for good sleep for her lifetime.

Good luck, I know how hard it is when you aren't getting enough sleep.

llamallama Sun 25-Aug-13 22:46:25

I fed my DD to sleep until she grew out of it. She was about 11 months old. I then rocked and sung her to sleep. She was always asleep when I put her down. I never left her to cry. As she grew she naturally got better and more confident.

By 18 months I could pop her awake in her cot, wave goodbye and walk out. No tears. She is now a fantastic sleeper. I never did controlled crying and didn't have to, we progressed naturally. If you want to feed to sleep then do it! It's natural for babies to want to fall asleep at the breast. I know what I would prefer in her shoes.

stopprocrastinating Sun 25-Aug-13 23:31:22

Noooo! I don't want to hear listen to your instincts, and feed to sleep. This isn't what I've agreed to do.

I've agreed with DH to try this controlled crying malarkey, we're three nights in, and don't think he'd be impressed if I changed my mind. What I want to know is, will she eventually self-soothe? We've been told it takes about five or six nights. If I start feeding to sleep again, will that undo the three nights controlled crying?

Unfortunately DH has opinions on parenting, and I'm having to sometimes compromise. Grrrrr, it being his daughter too. His opinions are different to my let's make it up as we go along and follow instincts parenting style. I think he listens to his sisters saying - you sometimes have to be cruel to be kind baloney.

Unfortunately all his friends and sisters did controlled crying. DH works long hours and is a light sleeper. He thinks controlled crying and water would sort out DD's sleep issues.

I do like DH's sisters, I just wish he wouldn't listen to their parenting advice. Although between them, they have five lovely children, and they are definitely not doing a bad job parenting, it's just different to my style IYKWIM.

Faverolles Sun 25-Aug-13 23:36:48

I still feed my 2.5 yo to sleep. He self settles fine when I'm not around at bed time/nap time, so you may find it's not necessary to do cc in any case.

CC has its place in older babies, but 6 months is far too young and will cause needless stress in your baby.

Faverolles Sun 25-Aug-13 23:37:57

"Noooo! I don't want to hear listen to your instincts, and feed to sleep. This isn't what I've agreed to do."

Don't agree to anything that goes against your instincts.

noblegiraffe Sun 25-Aug-13 23:41:18

You don't have to go from feeding to sleep to leaving them to cry. You can feed her till she's sleepy, put her down and stay with her. If she cries you can try shushing and patting her, if that doesn't help you can pick her up and cuddle her till she's a bit sleepier.

Going from feeding to sleep to letting her cry seems a bit of a cruel jump.

Is it working?

Fairylea Sun 25-Aug-13 23:41:34

Too young in my opinion, and I say that as someone who has been lucky and had two babies sleep through from about 12 weeks. Honestly I do think it is luck. I did feed to sleep and feed on demand (formula fed), whenever they woke they got fed back to sleep blah blah. I always kept the room pitch black and didn't change them unless they'd pooped, and I didn't speak, just fed and cuddled and put back down when sleeping or sleepy at the very least, if they started to whimper I'd pick them up and rock and put back down again (about 100 times sometimes!!) But I never let them cry.

I wouldn't let an adult cry themselves to sleep, so I wouldn't let my child.

But that's just my opinion. I just wanted to say though that as my experience shows, you don't need to do controlled crying to have good sleeping babies. So much of it is just genetics and luck ! Sorry.

noblegiraffe Sun 25-Aug-13 23:43:36

Oh and 6 months is a crappy time for sleep. It will probably get better without you doing anything.

stopprocrastinating Mon 26-Aug-13 09:04:03

I should probably explain, I do feed her first, but remove her from boob, just before she goes to sleep. I wouldn't let her cry it out, without her being sleepy.

I was trying to comfort her, by ssshhhing and singing to her in cot, but we found she went to sleep quicker when I left the room and DH stayed with her. I don't pick her up, as when I do that, she is worse the next time I put her down awake.

She does go to sleep, but she resists it, so much.

I don't think I can go back on this now, I'm just concerned that we'll stick to it for a week, but then go back to old habits, and it will have been a pointless exercise?

hettienne Mon 26-Aug-13 10:54:24

Well yes, of course if you leave her to cry for a week then go back to feeding her to sleep it will have been pointless hmm What is it you are actually hoping to achieve from leaving her to cry?

stopprocrastinating Mon 26-Aug-13 11:32:03

Good point hettienne. I'm not sure. I think DH considers I spend too long getting her to sleep in an evening, and he doesn't see me. Also he thinks it'd make it easier for others to look after her. We have not yet had an evening out without DD. Also he thinks with DD soon moving to nursery, it'd be good to not have to rely on feeding her to sleep.

Are we doing right? DH thinks so, I need convincing.

hettienne Mon 26-Aug-13 11:38:56

Personally, no I don't think you're doing the right thing in leaving a 6 month old to cry herself to sleep. There are gentler methods to wean her off feeding to sleep.

Putting her through all this only to go back to feeding her to sleep would be ridiculous though.

stopprocrastinating Mon 26-Aug-13 11:58:28

Hettienne, what gentler methods would you suggest? I need to find a compromise with DH.

ButteryJam Mon 26-Aug-13 12:02:09

Have you read the no cry sleep solution?

NoComet Mon 26-Aug-13 12:07:11

WTF, you feed your baby to sleep on the sofa, lights low Tv on with subtitles, DHs feet snuggling your hips on the sofa if he wants to be with you.

It's a total non problem.

rachyconks Mon 26-Aug-13 12:17:47

Your baby is too young IMO. We did controlled crying - but not until 8.5 months when baby was settled in her own room. In that time, (2 weeks), we have gone from a baby who wakes sometimes every hour (from birth), to a baby who sleeps 8-8. Last night she didn't even wake for her 3am feed. We had three nights if crying. 1st night, 10 mins, 2nd night, 5 mins, 3rd night 2 mins. She was just READY for it. She definitely was not at 6.5 months.

hettienne Mon 26-Aug-13 12:18:37

Try Baby Whisperer or No Cry Sleep Solution.

rachyconks Mon 26-Aug-13 12:19:40

Also with regards to the water at night, I still wouldn't give my 9 month old water at night, we are BLW and I know she sometimes just doesn't get the calories during the day.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 26-Aug-13 12:25:32

I fed both of mine to sleep for nearly 3 years. Went back to work when they were 10 and nine months, both coped fine. Both are excellent sleepers now, DS had some medical issues that meant he woke for a long time at night, but that was pain and bfing was a great soothing too.

I don't know why you are doing cc either smile

Try googling askdrsears 12 alternatives and askdrsears 31 ways. You might also find getting DH to read the links and the book Sound Sleep by Sarah Woidhouse useful too smile

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 26-Aug-13 12:26:20

Second the NCSS too smile

BaronessBomburst Mon 26-Aug-13 12:39:36

Why on earth would you want to cause stress to yourself and your baby when you can just feed her to sleep? DH is going to have to learn to share you.

BM contains nutrients and proteins that waters doesn't. Not only will it help her grow and boost her immune system but it will also fill her stomach, needing to be digested, and she's less likely to wake up hungry.

Leaving a child to cry causes an increased level of cortisol (a stress hormone), which can ultimately have a damaging effect on the body including suppressing the immune system, and altering the way a baby's brain physically grows and how a child then copes with emotional situations in the future. Sometimes it can't be avoided, but why would you want to leave a baby to cry when you don't have to? She's not a toddler who's trying it on - she's a baby who doesn't understand why you're not coming to comfort or feed her.

Please listen to your instincts.

stopprocrastinating Mon 26-Aug-13 12:41:00

Is NCSS all about routine? I'm rubbish at routine. Each night she is getting to sleep quicker, I'm not convinced after three nights we should stop? It then makes the pain pointless.

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