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Always knackered and I don't have a baby..................................

(19 Posts)
ssd Sat 03-Jun-06 09:04:51

My kids are 5 and 8 YEARS and I'm always tired. The oldest one tries to go to bed as late as he can get away with and the youngest likes to wake at 6 and still comes into my bed every night. Me and dh are always tired, we've tried every trick in the book but we've just got 2 very lively wee boys who have always seen sleep as a nuisance to them. Whereas I could easily sleep 8 hours at night if I get the chance. We've never had a night away from the kids and have no family to help out anyway.

It's just so bloody tiring, all the threads here are about getting babies to sleep, rarely about still lacking sleep when you're kids are school age.

moan moan sorry.

FrannyandZooey Sat 03-Jun-06 09:13:57

I am sorry and I do sympathise. It's only recently I have startd getting any sleep on a regular basis and mine is far from being a baby. I would advise: get a bigger bed to deal with thing of your ds2 coming in, or put a mattress on the floor for him and say if he wants to come in, he should tiptoe in and not wake you.

Do you work? Can you have a nap during the day?

If you're up at 6, aim to get to bed by 10. I know it's miserable but you will feel so much better if you can do it even one or two nights a week.

8 is old enough to have a firm bedtime which must not be broken, IMO. If he doesn't actually need much sleep, I would find quiet activities he is allowed to do in his room up until a certain time.

And can you take it in turns at weekends to have a lie in? I can get an extra 3 or 4 hours this way

Sorry if you have already thought of all these, but anything is worth a try, right? I know it seems dreadful as an adult to be going to bed early, or in the middle of the day, but it helps so much. Some nights you will be getting as little sleep as a parent with a new baby, so treat yourself like you have a new baby and make sleep your priority - it's hard to function properly otherwise.

HarpsichordCarrier Sat 03-Jun-06 09:17:28

tha's very good advice from Franny
I also have an early riser and I would recommend going to bed VERY early say 8 for a few nights and letting your dh take over. I know you would't want to do it all the time but a few nights might top up your energy reserves.
sorry to sound like a mother but are you eating properly <stern>. that might help too

FrannyandZooey Sat 03-Jun-06 09:18:43

Of course it's good advice, I am the Queen of Sleepless Nights. Or possibly the Empress

ssd Sat 03-Jun-06 09:18:49

thanks franny.

yes we are strict with the oldest and he does go to bed and tries to get up following our guidelines. he's really not bad now, it's just with the bright evenings and all the kids out playing naturally he wants to join them and I can't get him up to bed at 8 anymore!!

also we've got a kingsize bed so ds2 can come in but as the house is tiny there's no room for a mattress on the floor. he just gets really scared when he wakes up, he's got a great imagination and in the wee small hours I give in to most demands as I'm just too tired to fight! I know they'll get better, it'll just take time.......

FrannyandZooey Sat 03-Jun-06 09:22:21

Yes I think you are doing the right thing letting him come in if he is scared, good for you. Most adults don't like sleeping alone, I am not sure why we force it on to children who don't like it either

I think in our culture we don't value sleep highly enough and it's the first thing to get squeezed out if our lives are busy / stressed / interesting. I read a book on what sleeplessness does to you and it's on a par with eating really crap unhealthy food all the time. We really shoudld be tackling, as a nation, the trend towards sleeping as little as possible to fit in more work / tv / leisure time. It's going to have, or already having, major health impacts on whole generations.

ssd Sat 03-Jun-06 09:28:10

oh, I'm so glad you said that franny. I've always let my kids come in if they are scared or lonely and I've been told how mad I am to do this by most of my friends (whose kids sleep all night....). I was expecting the same here on MN!!My eldest is 8 and is now at long last an okay if reluctant sleeper, but even he has nightmares sometimes and I crawl into his cabin bed to cuddle him. Not often though, he's a lot better than he was. I think it's just the fact ds2 comes in at night then wakes up early that knackers me.

FrannyandZooey Sat 03-Jun-06 09:58:17

Yes if you could get it so he doesn't wake you up when he comes in that would help. Are you generally a very light sleeper or is he making a lot of noise and wanting to talk etc?

I think a lot of people would disagree with the let them come in thing, but I think we are so hung up on getting children to be totally independent when they are not really ready for it. We only just bought a bed for ds, he didn't want his own bed before now.

ssd Sat 03-Jun-06 13:06:29

yes I am light sleeper.

how is your ds getting on in his own bed?

FrannyandZooey Sat 03-Jun-06 15:50:43

He loves it! I am feeling a bit bereft though, I was not ready for it tbh, it was his decision

ssd Sat 03-Jun-06 16:59:59

Aaawww! What age is he?

I remember moaning about ds1 coming into my bed every night then when he stopped I really missed him too!

FrannyandZooey Sat 03-Jun-06 17:20:38

He is just 3. I have had definite times when I have moaned, too, but I wasn't expecting him to move out just yet. From talking to friends who have co-slept, I thought 4 or 5 would be a more likely age and I was also expecting to have to persuade him - not the other way round!

plummymummy Sat 03-Jun-06 22:26:47

If you don't work hopefully you can catnap during the day. I work full time but only 3 weekdays. I delight in my afternoon nap on the two days I don't work (whilst ds has a nap). If he misses a nap, I get dh to watch him for an hour when he gets home from work so that I can get some kip.

ssd Sun 04-Jun-06 21:06:34

I do work but at home (as a childminder) so no hope of a nap.

Ds2 is downstairs crying as we speak that he can't sleep by himself, I've had 5 hours sleep last night and we are all going to FIL's funeral tomorrow and I just feel like crying at it all.

FrannyandZooey Sun 04-Jun-06 21:17:07

Oh ssd

I am so sorry. It's days like this when you jut wish you could phone in sick from being a parent

mears Sun 04-Jun-06 21:19:49

ssd - do your boys share a room?

morningpaper Sun 04-Jun-06 21:21:49

I only have a 3 year old and baby

However I really recommend the going-to-bed-at-8pm thing for a few days or even a week

Get a good book, climb into bed at 8, lights off at 9pm


you will feel better

I have now had over 4 years without a stretch of more than 3 hours of sleep in one go - I actually feel ok but I am always in bed early

relationship with DH is shot to pieces of course but at least I'm not knackered!

morningpaper Sun 04-Jun-06 21:23:22

Also when I am feeling like I REALLY WANT to stay up and get something done, I remember that all I am doing is stealing rest from myself. This helps me to avoid it.

ssd Mon 05-Jun-06 08:21:48

thanks for all replies and I'm definately going to try the going to bed at 8, trouble is ds2 who is 5 goes at 8 and ds1 who is 8 goes at 8.30ish so it might be difficult!!

feel a bit better today, had a bit better sleep last night. just have to get the funeral over with, we are all dreading it. Had a fight with dh last night about the funeral but we've been able to sort it out. Tiredness makes me snappy

The boys don't share a room, they did for the first few years and it was dreadful, so we've given ds1 part of our room to make him a small room for himself. Much better if a lot cramped!

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