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who will join me on cosleeping thread?

(103 Posts)
bytheseaside Fri 07-Jun-13 10:08:20

Is there a general thread to chat and share cosleeping experiences? if not, anyone else want one? Im often trawling through looking for advice on this or that aspect. i have 8mo, cosleeping initially from necessity (needed some bloody sleep!) and now we mainly love it: feeding has been great and she seems so happy. I would like to move towards own bed / room though, just no faith this is achievable! having been a bit 'high needs' shall we say, dd hasn't ever been able to self settle or sleep alone (hence cosleeping) except in car or short daytime naps and i just can't face going to bed at 7 myself: i would never eat or see dp, so she naps /wakes downstairs with us until late then she and i usually sleep late (well she does anyway). not ideal, and impossible with visitors/going away. But we do generally all get relatively decent amount of sleep. hmmm. Would really like to hear other peoples experiences.

Sunnysummer Wed 12-Jun-13 13:29:07

Am also watching with interest! 7 week old DS currently sleeps with me as he has painful bowel issues that mean he wakes a lot and needs resettling... It means that DH is mostly in our spare room, so although I quite like the snuggles for now, we're wondering if it is feasible/easy to wean off cosleeping in a few months time, when his issues will have been fixed up, or whether we'll be stuck in separate rooms for years or resorting to CIO confused

PoppettyPing Wed 12-Jun-13 14:19:40

Hi! I'm interested in this thread as I'm planning on co-sleeping with my first who is due in Sept. It's really nice to read happy experiences from others on here. A teeny tiny question if that's ok, what do you all do in regards to duvets/pillows? I keep reading that they're a no-no, but how in the hell do I sleep with no pillow or blanket on me? that just sounds grim.

Hope I'm allowed on this thread even though I have no babies quite

Dorisday13 Wed 12-Jun-13 14:32:33

Hi popetty, when my dd was new she had her own little blanket and I tucked my duvet under me and my pillow out of the way with my arm between dd and the pillow, does that make sense? Now she's in the duvet with us :-) but we use our thin and light summer duvet.
Also I bought some long sleeves pjs that button down half way so I had my boobs out but still warm! grinwink

Dorisday13 Wed 12-Jun-13 14:37:06

I'm not sure if that's the right way or not, but she seems ok

fflonkl Wed 12-Jun-13 14:43:07

Hi Poppetty I sleep on 2 pillows and have the duvet up to my thighs. I also wear a warm cardi in bed if it's a bit chilly (for my arms) unbuttoned, and have dd on my chest. She has her own blanket as well though if it gets cold I will probably put her in a sleeping bag instead of blanket.

It works for us currently!!

PoppettyPing Wed 12-Jun-13 15:37:54

thank you Doris and fflonkl that makes perfect sense. smile

lamprey42 Wed 12-Jun-13 20:04:21

Like Dr McDreamy's wife I'd be interested in lengthening feeding gaps while co-sleeping. I've got 7 month old twins who were feeding 4 hourly thanks to a spell in baby bootcamp (aka scbu) and kept this up until I stopped properly waking up to feed them both together (1am, 4am and 8ish feeds) and just waited for them to wake up and co-slept + fed - this was about 5 months. I rotate them in and out of a bedside cot so I only have one in bed at a time. I definitely think they wake more now I am doing this - although as I'm not properly waking probably get about same sleep. They do occasionally sleep through the night - once both on the same night! They mostly go down in cot ok about 7.30 after bedtime routine and then will go through until about 2 or 3am but after that recently one or other of them seems to wake about every 1-2 hours.

Mycatistoosexy Wed 12-Jun-13 20:11:36

Ooh I'll join please

Co-sleeping here from day one til now at 11 months.

Never thought I would before I had my DS but he would not sleep in a Moses basket or cotbed so we ended up co-sleeping. Now I wouldn't change it for the world (although DP is getting a bit huffy)

Mycatistoosexy Wed 12-Jun-13 20:16:27

Lamprey do they want to feed each time they wake? I tried cutting out night feeds with my DS ended up with mastitis though and found that just shush-patting him helped delay a few night feeds

alikat724 Wed 12-Jun-13 21:57:54

Popetty - hi and hope you and bub are fairing well going into 3rd trimester! I usually had DD tightly wrapped in a sheet (although I never swaddled properly) and then a blanket over her, on my chest, with me on 2 or 3 pillows. With long sleeved winter pyjamas and my engorged boobs acting as my own personal central heating system we didn't need a lot of duvet, and DH is quite warm blooded too. It wasn't quality sleep by any means but it did the trick in those first few months.

To answer an earlier question DD had her day sleeps regularly in her cot from about 3 mo, as she was too long for her Moses basket by then. However, it was hard work getting there, lots of rocking, cooing, some tears of my own when she just wouldn't let me put her down even if she had been fast asleep for 20 mins! And as I said, at 6 mo I immediately started sleeping her on her front as she was so much more comfortable. One of our best purchases was a nursery chair and rocking footstool, the stool is perfect for breastfeeding (DD and I are quite tall so the chair doesn't work for feeds) and even now if she doesn't want to be put down we can both get some sleep in the reclined chair with her on my chest (DH does this too sometimes). What I will say is routine, routine, ROUTINE! A sleep schedule for day naps, a bath/feed/sleep routine in the evenings and be as strict as possible about sticking to it. DD would nap in her car seat or out and about but this is never good quality sleep so I spent a lot more time at home than I probably would have liked as we focussed on getting her into the right sleep habits. Invaluable now, but hard at the time and I felt like a bit of a shut in at times! We started solids at 6 mo, that and just getting bigger has naturally lead to longer stretches between feeds and better overnight sleeping. I still breastfeed around 3-4 times a day, but a lot of friends are on 1 bottle or feed by now. DD just has a great appetite, loves her food AND her breastmilk and I'm happy to continue to go with what she wants/needs, wouldn't feed her that much formula though!

Squiglettsmummy2bx Wed 12-Jun-13 22:17:28

Hi, I'm co-sleeping with my 16 month old. He is bf & still feeds a lot through the night. I'm not sure if co-sleeping makes this easier or if he does it more as I'm so close but I enjoy our snuggles & space is a big issue in my flat (2 bedrooms dd 10, ds 7 & ds 16 months) so he will be staying put a while longergrin

Fruli Wed 12-Jun-13 22:56:09

I'll join! 21-month-old DD. Never intended to co-sleep, she used to feed to sleep then go into her carry cot next to the bed. Then she wasn't interested in night feeds after about 9m so we ended up co-sleeping from whenever she woke. Started as the "easy option" for getting her back to sleep, now I love it. DH sleeps in the spare bed and us in ours (or vice versa if his alarm is set and mine not). She goes down beautifully at about 8pm and wakes somewhere between 1 and 4. Sleeps through once a week or thereabouts, just to tease us.

AlphaOscarKilo Thu 13-Jun-13 05:42:58

Is sooo wonderful to read all these stories...Co-sleeping has been drummed into me by well meaning friends and family as the worst thing you can do but Nobody seems to understand!!! we have had 7 months of not sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time (Baby has NEVER once slept 5-6 hours) and this week we've also had hours of crying with her at night (prob teeth). I've always been strong on replacing the dummy or just giving her pats of reassurance BUT not giving in to picking her out of her cot...

However, the few times I have brought her in with me after her 11 bottle feed, she has slept really well. Still not solid, but not so I'm up hourly...and dummy is arms reach away.

I'm going back to work in 7 weeks and I can't exist on no sleep anymore anyway...I am literally exhausted...7 MONTHS!!!

What should I do? Should I undo months of effort and co-sleep just to get some rest? Will we ever get her to sleep alone if I do?

A very tired and fed up mummy xxx

TheYamiOfYawn Thu 13-Jun-13 06:50:34

My 3.5 was in our bed all last night as he had a nasty cough, and it was lovely, as I miss him now that he usually sleeps in his bed.

DD slept in a bedside cot next to us until she was around 2.5. She started sleeping through at around two and a quarter.

DS has always been a much more cuddly sleeper, so rarely took up much space in the bedside cot. He started sleeping through most nights at around three. Nowadays he goes to sleep in his own bed, but comes in at around 4am roughly twice a week.

I have to take a hot water bottle to bed on all but the hottest nights nowadays as I find it hard to sleep without snuggling a warm toddler.

mindalina Thu 13-Jun-13 17:46:09

fflonkl (I hope I've spelt that right, on phone so cant check! ) I am having some success getting dd to nap in a swingy chair - she feeds to sleep on me then I very carefully lower her in and set her swinging. she can sleep in there for up to three hours, she did four once which floored me! but usually she gets an hour or two. ive noticed it helps as well if she has a light blanket she can pull up to hide her eyes. its not perfect and I know she'll grow out of the swing soon, but for now im just grateful to be able to shower for more than three minutes!

dribbledon Fri 14-Jun-13 09:07:24

Great thread-thank you! Please can I join too? I've posted before about exhaustion with DS, 17 weeks, who's a bit high needs. We've co-slept for the past month after travel cot refusal on holiday and teetering on the brink of insanity with weeks of 2-3 hours sleep a night. I feel so much better, and he is a lot more settled too. It isn't perfect as DH often ends up in the spare room. He says that's not an issue, but I do worry about it. I would like DS to start the night in his cot so DH and I have some time together, but this is proving tricky. He always hated his cot and would take usually 1 1\2 hours to settle back into it after a feed and would never nap in it. Now he seems to have his middle finger firmly raised to it! As soon as he gets in the cot now, whether drowsy or asleep, his reaction would make you think he's been put down in a bed of nettles. On fire. So I roll off the mattress when he's asleep and try to go downstairs but it's usually not long before he wakes again. Grrrr

I'd also recommend the three in a bed book by Deborah Jackson. Reduces any worries you might have about safety and long term effects of co-sleeping. Also reminds us this is normal sleeping practice across much of the world...I wonder do mums in countries where this is the norm spend hours posting on sleep forums and worrying if their LO will ever sleep without them?

Andcake Fri 14-Jun-13 10:03:42

Hi everyone -ds 10 mo has co slept since around 6mo! Yes i know the exact time we were going to put him n his own room. After we had hourly (if that) wakings for over a week. We have taken one side off the cot and attached to my side of the bed. He has a bedtime routine and is put on his cot bit with pillows etc around him to stop escapes before I go to bed. But we live in a flat so it's v easy to get to him if he wakes. He knows its his bed bit ( he has a few teddies etc in it) but I leave a space next to me pillow and duvet free so he can roll on over and cuddles in sometimes between 11-2- which means his always there with smiles for us in the morning. Now I'm back at work it means I get lots of sleep and ds cuddles :-)
It also gives DP and I time in evenings and space in bed as well. He wears a 1.5 tog bag so not to overheat next to me.

Dorisday13 Fri 14-Jun-13 15:06:30

Although I love cosleeping my main anxiety is that dd will never move out and it'll be a huge battle unless I do in soon :-( and if I have another dc
Is there anyone out there who can tell me when/how the eviction is done gently? At what age? 3?4?

alikat724 Fri 14-Jun-13 15:56:52

Alpha - just relax and cosleep! smile. It is perfectly natural and comforting for everyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with comforting your child in whatever way you can, whenever you can - particularly if you're going back to work there will be loads more times when you aren't there to comfort her than when you are, so do as much as you can I say!

gruber Fri 14-Jun-13 16:17:27

Ah thank you! We are co-sleeping with DS (20 weeks). Didn't intend to, but he came as a "high needs" baby and DH and I were both tired! Neither of us believes in letting him cry so bed it was... Like * alikat* we are attachment parenting as that's what DS needs, fell into it.

Sleep- goes into his crib in our room after I've fed him to sleep, just recently he wants to sleep earlier so now shower 7.15/bed 7.30/feed to sleep on our bed. Then usually DH & I take it in turns to stay with him (wakes if there's no-one there). When we go to bed 10ish he goes in his crib & atm sleeps til 12 then comes in to us for a feed. Stays in bed as we all fall asleep!! Then feeds 4 & 7 on a goodnight. Bad night 12, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7.... That's why we co sleep!

Bedding- pillows out of way, he sleeps on top of duvet in his own sleeping bag, or mattress on my side (duvet tucked round my lower half). We also have a bed guard!!

So thankful it's not just us... We all sleep so much better. DS actually sleeps with a hand out touching both DH & I when he's in bed, he just needs human contact.

Day sleeps- sling. Occasionally pram. More often than not he sleeps in sling and I'm left pushing an empty pram... Again it's the human contact. He's fallen asleep in his proper cot once. Just the once...

gruber Fri 14-Jun-13 16:19:48

dribbledon - re travel cot refusal on holiday - best £25 we ever spent was on a premier inn when we were away visiting friends. King size bed!!

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 14-Jun-13 16:42:42

My two moved into their own beds at two and a half and three and a quarter respectively. In both cases, they were encouraged to move a bit, and would have stayed in with a us a bit longer if I'd left the time up to the, ie I moved them out gently, at an appropriate point in their lives, but it was parent rather than child led, so if you waited until they asked for their own room, that would probably be older.

Dorisday13 Fri 14-Jun-13 17:21:08

Yami, was this difficult? Also did you move one out before the second arrived?

fflonkl Fri 14-Jun-13 19:59:32

Thanks alikat for sharing and being reassuring.

mindalina dd has fallen asleep in her bouncy chair 3 times now, usually when I'm drying my hair although usually for only 30 minutes (it's amazing how much you can get done in 30 minutes!!).

gruber glad to know there's someone else out there whose baby has daytime naps in a sling/carrier!

Mycatistoosexy Fri 14-Jun-13 20:44:10

My DS only slept on me or in a sling for the first six months. Now he sleeps in the pushchair for daytime naps just fine. Wouldn't go near a cot though.

We have a kingsize and a single mattress pushed together on the floor so DS and DO can have enough room (I usually get a tiny sliver) so our floor is one big mattress.

I tend to stay with DS once he goes to sleep. I think now I could probably sneak away for a few hours but it gives me a good excuse to lie around, eat chocolate and watch TV.

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