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who will join me on cosleeping thread?

(103 Posts)
bytheseaside Fri 07-Jun-13 10:08:20

Is there a general thread to chat and share cosleeping experiences? if not, anyone else want one? Im often trawling through looking for advice on this or that aspect. i have 8mo, cosleeping initially from necessity (needed some bloody sleep!) and now we mainly love it: feeding has been great and she seems so happy. I would like to move towards own bed / room though, just no faith this is achievable! having been a bit 'high needs' shall we say, dd hasn't ever been able to self settle or sleep alone (hence cosleeping) except in car or short daytime naps and i just can't face going to bed at 7 myself: i would never eat or see dp, so she naps /wakes downstairs with us until late then she and i usually sleep late (well she does anyway). not ideal, and impossible with visitors/going away. But we do generally all get relatively decent amount of sleep. hmmm. Would really like to hear other peoples experiences.

Dorisday13 Fri 07-Jun-13 16:25:07

Oooh can I join you?

I have a 7.5mo dd, coslept from day 2 as a necessity, i have very poor tolerance for lack of sleep and my dh doesn't care where she sleeps as long as he does! We have therefore had pretty good sleep all along really. I have been feeding to sleep but have to wear her in sling for naps in the day (3 fricking hours) but it works for us atm.

We've had a bedtime routine (I'm not a routines person but dd seems to appreciate it) from 5m and feed to sleep in her room on a double mattress on the floor at 7.30 ish (because she was getting horrible and massively OT in the evenings) I then spend the rest of the evening going in and settling her, when we go to bed/she wakes 10ish she has a proper feed and comes in with us.

Recently we have a breakthrough starting solids meant instead of eating all night (she was feeding almost every hour!) we now feed at 11ish and 4ish and also since starting to roll she self settles on her tummy (I have posted for advice on this) and only has a tiny snack at 11.
I have also stopped offering milk as soon as she wakes because 5-7am had turned into buffet o'clock and I think she was waking to nurse then fussing over breakie.

I really have loved cosleeping every morning I open my eyes to dd's beaming smile ^and my hair being pulled^gringrin

fflonkl Fri 07-Jun-13 16:37:06

I was contemplating starting one so good timing on your part!!

We're also co-sleeping, dd (11 weeks) will only sleep soundly if she's on my chest. Started doing this for exactly the same reason as you - so that we could both get some sleep!! She's now getting used to being in a carrier during the day though so I can at least get on with doing other things then.

The thing is, I want her to start having longer sleeps at night as well, and she can do 11pm-7am but only if she's had between (roughly) 2-4 hours' sleep during the day.

So what I'm trying to work out is whether it's possible to train her to sleep in her basket during the day (so far she will only sleep for 30 mins max in her basket) AND have longer sleeps at night.

I have a feeling I'll have to choose to do one thing at a time rather than both though sad

larlemucker Fri 07-Jun-13 16:37:58

I'll join in!!

DS is 22 weeks, he used to sleep ok in his travel cot (would wake every 2-3 hours) but then the 4 month sleep regression hit and he started waking every hour shock

So I bought a bed guard and he is now in with us!! Last night he woke twice for an hour and a half at 4am which is a massive improvement.
We have also just started solids so I think that is helping. He is a very hungry boy!!!

Don't know if we are doing it 'right', current set up is DH, me then DS next to the bed guard. Seems to work and means he doesn't get too hot sleeping between us.

Dorisday13 Sun 09-Jun-13 17:48:28

Larlemucker that's how we do it do, there are some useful guidelines in various places on the web, I don't know how to post a hyperlink,
No idea if that will work, you've probably already seen. X

bytheseaside Sun 09-Jun-13 18:39:26

Forgot to check and see if anyone had answered, so pleased you all did :-) we started sleeping dp, me, dd, bedside cot as kind of bed guard (pretty much never used for sleep ... an expensive mistake) i was getting squeezed and nite enough sleep with a boob searcher on one side, snorer on the other, so dp is in spare room for a bit. we need a bigger bed, just have normal double. was hoping to put next sized cot up and strap it to the bed, but don't think she'd go for it. maybe mattresses on floor is the thing, but what to do with all the stuff under the bed.

mindalina Sun 09-Jun-13 18:44:34

Ooh can I join, as a sort-of cosleeper? dd is coming up four months, we have bednest so sometimes she sleeps in there and more often it serves as an expensive bedrail as per previous poster! I'd love to know how you got your bedtime routines going, it was a breeze with ff ds but it's just not happening for bf dd!

bytheseaside Sun 09-Jun-13 18:46:40

Oops was going to say fflunkl I've been working on day time naps too. at home, wrapped in cotton blanket / sheet on sofa next to me is working ok, but i need to feed to sleep always and settle her often when she stirs, so not really independent sleep!
Someone on.MN recommended the lovely book '3 in a bed* to me which helped me feel better about safety aspects. i now think some babies just need contact with their mums most of the time, although family think Im an idiot to get into this position.
they've just not had a baby like mine!

bytheseaside Sun 09-Jun-13 18:51:44

Mindalina we've comprehensively failed with night time routines. i feel guilty about this, i reckon if i did bath/story/bed for both if us by 7 she would sleep ish 7-7 but its just too early to be able to finish my day. at least as a result she's pretty flexible about bed / feeding / nap times

LizTerrine Sun 09-Jun-13 19:02:31

Hello fellow co-sleepers.

I am currently co-sleeping with my 14wo DS2, done from day one as it's the only logical way (for me) to maintain my sanity. DS1 slept with us from birth-2.4yo and now at 2.7 is perfectly good at sleeping through in his own big boy bed.

Being on my second totally unputdownable baby, I would say that it's just not worth the misery of trying to enforce solo sleep before they're ready.

Selenium Sun 09-Jun-13 20:23:46

Hello! I'd like to join you too. I am co-sleeping (for most of the night) with my 6 month old ds. I started off doing this intentionally after he was born, as I knew it would maximise the amount of sleep I'd get with an older child to look after during the day too! And it's great - I've not been particularly sleep-deprived since he was born. I love the fact that he sleeps so well tucked up next to me (bar a couple of night feeds that I barely wake up for). It does feel really natural. And I love the big morning grins when he wakes up next to me (rather than listening for a baby crying from their cot in another room!)

However, I am now unsure how long I'd like to cosleep for as my dh is in the spare room as he doesn't feel comfortable cosleeping, so obviously this is not ideal! Over the last few weeks, we have popped ds in his cot in his own room for the first sleep of the night and then he comes in with me the first time he wakes.

LizTerrine - that's so reassuring that your older son now sleeps happily through the night in his own bed having spent so long cosleeping! Very reassuring that they do sleep independently when they're ready.

mindalina Sun 09-Jun-13 20:30:24

oh well that reassures me tbh. dd is the rubbishest sleeper ever and it is implied that if only I would put her to bed at seven it would magically enable her to sleep better/longer/more deeply. im sure she'll get the hang of it eventually and I like the sound of flexibility with sleeping, never had that with ds! grin

Alanna1 Sun 09-Jun-13 20:37:03

Hi all, I co-slept till DD1 was 6.5 months. I wanted to stop it. I paid a small fortune to a very experienced maternity nurse to come and help me. She was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. In the space of a week she dropped the night feeds, had my baby sleeping through other than for a 10am dream feed... I love her!

I then did all the same bad things with DD2 now a few months old, but this time got some help sooner. I now have my evenings back, and my bed back with my husband, and a little tiny DD2 who sleeps in her cot, on her back. It was hard the first night but after that OK.

And no, neither of them used CIO.

mumofapirate Sun 09-Jun-13 20:38:34

I'll join smile my storey is the same as yours op! except my ds is 2.5 and stopped bf last oct. He now cuddles me to sleep on sofa downstairs and then sleeps in my bed til morning. Dh usually sleeps in sofa as he gets kicked to death by ds, not ideal but it works for us. I love co-sleeping but I know it will have to end soon sad

Dorisday13 Mon 10-Jun-13 06:51:10

My cosleeping crib was also a very expensive bedrail (and book stand) grin

We started a routine at around 5m because dd was having trouble switching off from the day, it goes dinner when dh gets home from work then bath, pjs, 3 books (always the same ones, same order) then song, bf then zzzz, on mattress in nursery (because its dark and quiet etc) then I roll away and get on with some jobs shower etc and sometimes spend all evening settling her. Recently after a growth spurt, we have added stop bf, roll onto tummy, song and back rub and zzzz. She sleeps longer and self settles more now, and setes without boob unless hungry (then she drinks a lot), when she wakes and I'm in bed/off to bed I bring her in too, she starts in her cosleeper cot then in after 4am ish feed.
I basically followed the NCSS model, seems to be working slowly, I'm happy to carry on cosleeping but want to slow down (very gradually) the night feeds but she seems to be doing this by herself.

My dh sometimes snores and wakes up dd but refuses to move out!! confusedconfusedconfused

fflonkl Tue 11-Jun-13 19:16:49

I've tried putting dd in her moses basket when she's sleepy but so far she's only managed to sleep for 30 mins max in it - the usual length seems to be 10 mins!!

She used to feed to sleep too but for the past 4 days has changed completely in that she wakes up as soon as I put her on my shoulder for burping, and then I have to do the walk/shush/rock dance to get her to sleep. That said I've noticed it's taken a little less time to get her to sleep this way today compared to 4 days ago!

Still working on daytime naps as well so far have managed to get her to do 5-6 hours throughout the day I now just (!) need to get her more used to sleeping in her basket!!

somewherebecomingrain Tue 11-Jun-13 20:51:22

Hi there

seaside really great to hear your experience.

Our ds is 4.5 and still co sleeps - but starts off every night in his own bed and always has done, at about 8pm. To me this is perfect as you get your precious hours to yourself and with dp, but also you get your lo's little warm presence in the night and their smiley face in the morning.

Things have only changed since having dd who is now 10 weeks and I don't want ds to roll on her. Dp has been sleeping separately and when ds comes in I take him through to dp.

One of the reasons ds goes down in his own bed, however, is that I fought like crazy to get him to sleep independently. Result - I became a stare-y eyed loony and quite depressed from sleep deprivation. But I did end up with this great hybrid model.

This time I can't fight that fight. So am prob going to end up with same problem as you seaside.

I would say a bit of controlled crying can change the direction of things and I don't believe it does any harm. It won't stop a really determined bed sharer coming in eventually but does that matter if you get your evening? And who doesn't love their LO pitter pattering into the bed at 2am? Well, lots of people but I love it!

Curlew Tue 11-Jun-13 20:56:16

My children are now 12 and 17- but we co slept from birth as a deliberate policy. It was wonderful- and I am happy to answer any questions anyone might have about it. I don't mean to sound like an expert- but I know that it's hard to find people who've done it and who are prepared to be open about it. So if I can be any help.......

sparklekitty Wed 12-Jun-13 06:22:06

Ooo, I'm in!

Our DD is 8mo. We've been co-sleeping since the start, didn't plan to but it works smile

I tried NCSS at 6 mo to get her in her own room/cot mainly because it was what I felt I should be doing. It lasted 3 nights and I gave up.

We seem to go through cycles of a few weeks decent nights (she's never gone through the night) then a few rubbish where she feeds every hour! We're currently 2 days into this!

DD can occasionally self settle but not often, usually needs a feed or a cuddle with a sshh to go back off.

mindalina Wed 12-Jun-13 09:46:41

curlew, was your partner on board with co sleeping from the off or did you have to talk them round? I didn't really plan to co sleep we just fell into it trying to establish bf and I think my partner is not so keen on it continuing indefinitely! really works for me and baby though, im sure its helping to keep my anxiety levels down

alikat724 Wed 12-Jun-13 10:24:48

Great thread! Our DD is 18 mo, co slept from the beginning out of necessity like others, but I really focussed on getting her into a nap routine through the day from around 3 mo. This worked wonders, as did putting her down on her front from 6 mo, she always struggled on her back. She became a great sleeper, will self settle with a cuddly toy or dummy (once I figured out she likes a night light!) if she isn't hungry and if she is she dream feeds back down really easily. So now 90% of the time she goes down at 7-7.30 and sleeps til 1.30ish, when she has a feed either in her room or in bed with us, then we kind of go with the flow, sometimes another dream feed around 4, sometimes sleeping through until around 6.15 when we all have to get up anyway. We co sleep during periods of illness for comfort for all of us, couldn't bear to leave her in her room alone if she was poorly, but also now I bring her in some nights because its just so lovely to have her with us, and to wake up to! Fortunately DH and I are both very civilised sleepers, no tossing or snoring, and we have a big bed as she does like to sleep in the "H" shape between us sometimes! Love love love co sleeping, never thought this would be us either as DH was anti on principal before she was born and I read too many books claiming it was the evil to end all evils. Very happily we are attachment parenting by instinct!

DrMcDreamysWife Wed 12-Jun-13 10:45:28

Lovely thread with good stories of happy cosleepers. Dd is nine months and spends most of the night in bed with me. Dh sleeps in the spare room sad . We have a strict bedtime routine and she does the first few hours in her cot from about 7.30 to whenever she wAkes first between 10-midnight. She then feeds back to sleep. She will
Occasionally do a 4 hour stretch then but more often than not its shorter and at times every hour. I'd like to say I love cosleeping and yes it's nice to wake up to her smiling but I wish she would do longer stretches between feeding and I miss my dh! It's very tiring but I can't get her in the cot without a load of crying which I can't bear so back in the bed she comes!

Those that coslept well beyond the first year. Did you bfeed? How long for? Do you have any tips on lengthening gaps between feeds whilst cosleeping?

Curlew Wed 12-Jun-13 11:03:50

Mindalina- yes, if anything he was more up for it than I was. When we had our first child, he was working really long hours and really only saw her awake at weekends. He really looked forward to the in bed cuddles!

fflonkl Wed 12-Jun-13 13:10:12

Curlew & alikat - where did your dc sleep during their daytime naps?

I'm still trying to get dd to sleep in her basket during the day but as she still won't stay asleep for long in it she often ends up strapped to me in the carrier!

Dorisday13 Wed 12-Jun-13 13:17:54

Watching with interest! My next project is naps!!

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