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Crying himself to sleep!

(19 Posts)
GREENY Wed 24-May-06 10:39:17

My 20 month old has always been a good sleeper, and he still sleeps until 7.30 8.00am but now cries himself to sleep I am worried this will affect him as you read all these things that say you shouldn't leave a baby crying!!
I only leave him 10 mins but I'm sure he knows this and thats why he's crying, he knows I'll go in!!
Will it affect his personality in the future..?

jambot Fri 26-May-06 11:33:59

I would go in after ten minutes if he's still crying, but don't make a fuss. No lights on, don't talk to him other than to tell him it's time to sleep. Tuck him in and leave.

GREENY Fri 26-May-06 11:49:41

Thanks for that Jambot! It is on and off, I just hate him crying himslef to sleep, maybe I'm too soft!!

FrannyandZooey Fri 26-May-06 11:55:19

Well I think he is crying because he wants you to go in, yes. I don't think that it is a bad thing to meet his needs, though. Current fashions in childcare theory seem to suggest that if you do what your children want then you are 'giving in' and 'letting them win'. I prefer to think that I am modelling kindness and caring for them and showing them how humans care for one another. Unmet needs don't go away, they may resurface years later. He is only little still, and if you don't like to hear him cry, why not give him your company until he gets over this strong need for your presence?

GREENY Fri 26-May-06 12:03:19

I agree!! I'm sick of all the new things that are "bad" for your baby. Surely you know best, you're their mummy!!

I would rather him go to sleep happy than not... if it means months of standing in his room until he drops off then so be it!

FrannyandZooey Fri 26-May-06 12:09:33

Greeny, you are a woman after my own heart

(you don't half confuse me though, because we call Greensleeves 'Greeny' )

morningpaper Fri 26-May-06 12:14:11

Aw poor thing

I agree, I wouldn't let him cry - go and comfort him. Why not just stay with him until he falls asleep? So many changes going on in his little head at this stage!

How long has this been going on for?

robin3 Fri 26-May-06 12:17:28

How long has he been doing this? DS1 was different every night. Also, is he grumbling crying or working himself in to a state? If he is working himself in to a state then I'd say sit in his room in the dark, say nothing to calm him but convey message that it's time to sleep now.
Does he stop once you've gone in after 10 mins? If so then go in earlier and that might do the trick..

shazronnie Fri 26-May-06 12:21:58

It's okay to go in, he is prob just checking you are still around, but agree with jambot - no fuss, just a little kiss and out again.

Mum2Ela Fri 26-May-06 12:27:31

DS does this, though he is not crying-crying, more just moaning. If he is proper crying I will leave him a couple of minutes and then go in and tuck him back in. He has been doing this on and off for about 2 months, from when I took his dummy away (cruel mummy!).

I know he isn't in distress so I don't feel bad for leaving him cry for a bit, but personally I don't want to go down the route of cuddling him to sleep every night, although I know he would love that, but from my experience with my baby this isn't the best way to deal with him.

FrannyandZooey Fri 26-May-06 12:43:55

"I know he isn't in distress so I don't feel bad for leaving him cry for a bit"

so this is a new sort of crying that indicates happiness, does it? [lost the plot]

dinosaure Fri 26-May-06 12:47:58

Where do you draw the line, though?

DS3 (22 months) cries a bit when I put him in his cot, because, I am pretty sure, in his ideal world he would sleep with me - and in fact he did just that, up until about this time last year, when I realised that exhaustion was sapping the last dregs of my sanity and we had to stop!

And I've got two other DSs, and by the time they're all in bed, quite honestly I have had enough and I want to go downstairs and cook my supper and have a rest.

So I leave him, and in five or ten minutes he goes quiet and goes to sleep.

Mum2Ela Fri 26-May-06 12:51:07

no f&z, as in, he hasn't got himself tangled up in his cot and may be in pain / hurt himself.

I know he is having a whine becuaes I have put him to bed and he would rather be playing downstairs.

Fuck me, we have found the perfect mother in you obv and your children must never cry!

FrannyandZooey Fri 26-May-06 12:52:53

You've got it Ela

Good to know you are so secure in your parenting choices

FrannyandZooey Fri 26-May-06 12:54:42

Dinosaure, I think you draw the line where you want to and where you feel it is right for you and your family. Greeny was quite clearly saying she did not really want to leave her ds to cry. Sometimes people need to hear it's ok to go and comfort their child

dinosaure Fri 26-May-06 12:57:52

I have to say that where sleep is concerned, I am a bit of the "give them an inch and they'll take an ell" school of thought. Mainly based on what I was like myself as a child. Was totally indulged - my poor mother wore herself out reading stories and counting potatoes in and out of saucepans with me in the middle of the night, let me stay up late, let me come back down again after I'd gone to bed... Madness, really, and I don't think it actually did me any good.

Mum2Ela Fri 26-May-06 12:59:01

F&Z I think Greeny was also asking if its ok to leave a child to cry, and yes in this scenario I think it is.

I am 100% secure in my parenting 'choices'. I have a DD who is 3.5 yrs and a DS who is 18mths, both of whom I know are fasto by 7.30pm at the latest in their beds, happy and content. Leaving my husband and I our evenings together. Sorted. Oh how different this would be if I cuddled both my children so sleep at night, apart from the fact that they prefer to go to sleep on their own, I don't think I would get two minutes to myself.

Mum2Ela Fri 26-May-06 13:03:14

F&Z you say 'Sometimes people need to hear it's ok to go and comfort their child'.

I honestly don't think that there are many parents who wouldn't comfort their child, if their child was in distress. And I am not talking about a bit of a whine when you put them down to bed, that is just a way of communicating their displeasure in being put to bed. Surely is they could verbalise 'oh mummy, I would really rather be playing downstairs than going to bed' they would. But they can't. They are babies after all. This is totally different to a baby crying in distress, real distress.

dinosaure Fri 26-May-06 13:04:49

Yes, that's how I feel, Mum2Ela. I also find that the later I let DS3 stay awake, the worse he sleeps when he finally goes over - and the other two DSs were exactly the same.

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