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It will never end -utter despair

(14 Posts)
theressomethingaboutmarie Sun 19-May-13 18:32:20

DS has never been a great sleeper but was getting there at about four months. Since then (he's now 9 months), he's had four chest infections and goodness knows how many coughs and colds. He's breastfed and eats like a horse, gets plenty of fresh air etc so I really don't know why this is happening,

To cut a long story short, I've been doing gradual retreat which ech time he really gets the hang of things, he gets another naffing cold or cough which derails things. The only way he wants to sleep is laying across my chest and then to feed intermittently (on and off, on and off, on and off all naffing night). He's in his cot now whinging due to his latest fecking cold and cough rather than going to sleep in his usual minute or two and I know that I am in for yet another crappy night. Last night I got two stints of two hours sleep, the night before the same with a 4:30am wake up.

I am at the end of my tether and am finding it hard to cope. Husband pitches in here and there (yes he should do more but as I am on mat leave and he's working, he cannot deal with the umpteen night wakinga in the week.

A rant more than anything but I am reaching the depths of despair. I've not had more than about three hours in a stretch since fecking August.

Purplehonesty Sun 19-May-13 18:53:31

Ds was exactly the same. I'd just crack the sleeping and he would get ill again. So I know how you feel and how frustrating it is.
I would be eyeing up visitors and if they had a cold I wouldn't let them in cos I just knew it would be another week of illness/no sleep. He always got a cough with a cold and then threw up all his milk after I fed him and would want to bf again all night.

Unfortunately he is still prone to coughs and colds and once he started nursery it flared up again. Now he has a much better immune system and he sleeps fine unless he has a really bad cough.

I can't offer any advice other than a humidifier in the bedroom always helped him sleep but I really feel for you. It sucks.

LadyBigtoes Sun 19-May-13 18:59:47

It will end, it will, he's only 9 months. This is the absolute worst time for them getting every bug going and sleep going to pot. It does improve when they get more immunity and learn to sleep better. I can't say exactly when obviously but you have to tell yourself it will pass.

You sound like you NEED a night's sleep - explain this to DH and make a plan to make it happen. Whether that means he takes a day or two off work, drafting in a grandparent, or even pay a night nurse for one night to give DS expressed breast milk (or formula if you're that way inclined - I may get shot down but I think it would be oK) while you sleep, in a b&b if necessary.

BonaDea Thu 23-May-13 02:45:39

Poor you. I agree DH needs to do more. Yes you are on mat leave but you are also working all day every day not sitting at home with your thumb up your arse. Of course some days he HAS to be v fresh for something important but I don't think it figures this is solely your problem even if LO is ebf.

snottagecheese Thu 23-May-13 17:25:33

It's fricking awful, I sympathise. Went through it with DD (now 4) and am going through it again with 15-week-old DS. But I agree that your DH needs to pitch in more - 9 months is a looooong time to be doing it all on your own. Unless he is a surgeon or flies/drives something for a living, it shouldn't matter if he's tired at work from time to time.

Bicnod Thu 23-May-13 18:05:59

You poor thing sad

I had this with both of mine. They're still not great sleepers but tend to only wake once a night these days.

DS2 learned to self settle when I followed the advice on Nectarina's thread [[ here]] - it wasn't a total miracle worker but definitely helped.

It will get better. I promise. It feels like forever when you're going through it but it will pass.

Sending hugs and matchsticks.

Bicnod Thu 23-May-13 18:07:17

Try again with link - here

JuliaScurr Thu 23-May-13 18:15:33

of course! because the sahp does bugger all all day. So they need no sleep at all ever. Because it is not work.
said no one who ever looked after a baby ever.

your dh is acting like an arse

TrickyBiscuits Thu 23-May-13 21:38:56

Do you give your DS vitamin D drops? They're a standard prescription for babies in the country I'm living in, (they insist on giving you a prescription as you leave hospital!) I was rather sceptical at first but I swear that my DS gets ill when I've forgotten about them for a couple of weeks. I'm a complete convert now!

amazingface Thu 23-May-13 21:50:23

Right, well DH has to do more I'm afraid. There is literally no other immediate fix to your serious sleep-deprivation. That you haven't had more than 3 hours' sleep in a row since August is really quite serious and no man on earth would put up with it, so you shouldn't either. (That was me until my baby was 6 months, and even that felt like hell.)

Your DH just needs to take a day off work and be on duty - and you need to let him and not be 'available'. If possible leave the house at night and yes, absolutely, make DH give expressed milk or formula. In fact if your DS is an on-off feeder all night, the big hit of milk might tank him up to go longer. So that's the short term.

Long term, I think you can only keep doing what you're doing, it's a tough situation. I'm sure you've tried every trick in the book but I personally swear by loud white/pink noise, played all night in baby's room if necessary. And absolute consistency in re-soothing rituals. (So much easier said than done when you're knackered!)

But mostly just give DH a kick up the arse and let him deal with it for at least 24hrs.


GoingToBedfordshire Thu 23-May-13 21:51:52

OP, so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. No real advice, but tons of sympathy as two of my dc were very similar. It DID end, but I needed a lot of help to get through those really tough periods. Sometimes DH got up in the night. He also did a lot of the chores in the evenings so I could get a couple of hours rest. A couple of good friends were on hand to listen without judgment or offering advice.

We did whatever worked to get though those times - co-cleeping, me/DH sleeping on a mattress next to their cot, and gradual retreat. They all sleep really well now they are older and definitely get ill far less often. Hang in there.

Ledkr Thu 23-May-13 22:09:00

Must admit my dd has been the same and it's driven me to despair.
I have hard sucess with the following.
Good calorie intake throughout the WHOLE DAY.
good naps but not after 4pm.
Lots if excercise and fresh air especially an hour before bed.
Yes I am that woman marching around the park at 6.
It's worked ok but I totally feel your pain.
It's broken me and she's my 5th child.

Nicolaeus Mon 27-May-13 10:43:53

Totally sympathise, DS has always been a nightmare sleeper but at 8 months I cracked and co-slept every now and again. Even though I didn't get much sleep (he's a very restless sleeper and would sleepsit up/crawl/roll/babble), at least I was lying down.

In fact, I co-slept occasionally from 8 to 11 months, then found the energy to get DS back into his cot.

And, we've co-slept whenever one of us was ill so needed the rest. And the difference after just a week of good nights is amazing. (the problem now is stopping it - it's so tempting to just keep going as DS sleeps through if co-sleeping but not if in his bed angry )

but like I said, after a week or more of good sleep you feel better able to tackle the problems head on.

BadgerFace Mon 27-May-13 19:57:41

OP I empathise as I'm in the middle of something similar which started 4 weeks ago when DD hit the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. For 2 weeks it was just lots of nighttime wakings and feedings (every 1.5 to 2 hours) but the last 2 weeks she has also refused to sleep anywhere apart from on my chest so I am sleeping partially propped up. And I never wanted to co-sleep! Although last night I got her to sleep next to me so I am hoping things improve tonight...

I can't help with any solutions for the sleeping but the thing which is saving my sanity is my DH getting up at 6am on week days and taking DD so I get at least an hour more sleep before he has to get ready for work. Some days he also gets DD to nap in the pram before he leaves so I can get maybe an hour more. On the weekends he either does part of the night shift (I feed and then pass her to him and go to the spare room) or he gets up at 5am to take her and I then sleep until 8am or 9am. If she's really unsettled then he'll take her out for a very early morning walk so there's definitely some quiet for me to sleep in...

I really hope things improve for you soon.

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