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Baby crying it out while we cuddle him in bed

(8 Posts)
Elwyn Thu 04-Apr-13 11:10:21

Our baby is 8 months old and will only go to sleep if we rock him or breastfeed him to sleep. Once asleep, we cannot move him without waking him (even if we wait for deep sleep - limp arms, mouth relaxed, etc). Therefore, feeding him to sleep has to be done in our bed and then I have to slowly extricate myself from his clutches without waking him up or having creaking bed wake him up! I want to be able to keep doing this until he learns to self-soothe and self-settle (when will this happen!?) but the problem is that doing this several times a night has already resulted in my left shoulder freezing up for the last 2.5 months so that I cannot lift my arm above my head. If this happens to the right arm, I feel that we are heading for sleep training. If he ends up crying (and I am almost certain he will), my instinct is that I want to stay with him so that I do not feel like I have abandoned him. My question is therefore: Is it possible to have my baby learn to self-settle whilst crying in bed and I will be lying next to him, comforting him/cuddling him?
I ask because most sleep training seems to involve leaving the baby for varying lengths of time. Is there a problem or flaw with my plan? DH wonders if we do it this way, we will have to do it again to train him to sleep in cot as well and he does not want to put him through two extended periods of crying. I feel that if he learns to go to sleep in bed with us, this will be a valuable life-skill and once learned he will not have to re-learn it! Me lying next to him the whole time will relieve my guilt at him crying (but will not do much to stop the crying unfortunately...)

DrGarnettsEasterMixture Thu 04-Apr-13 12:18:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreatUncleEddie Thu 04-Apr-13 12:24:44

If you are there with him it still isn't self settling. Bite the bullet, he needs to know how to get himself to sleep. It's not unkind, you're doing him a favour - think how sorry you feel for adults with insomnia. Then teach your baby the skill.

CoteDAzur Thu 04-Apr-13 12:25:04

Your DH is right. Better do it right, only once.

LemonPeculiarJones Thu 04-Apr-13 12:36:44

Yes agree with your DH. Sleep train with DS in his cot, but stay with him, verbally reassuring him, shush patting him etc. Might take a while the first few nights but he will learn to fall asleep in this new way. Then you can do the gradual retreat (which is basically repeat as above but slightly further away each night until eventually you are outside the door and can verbally reassure him.

We were co-sleeping and I got real arm/shoulder pain too, and hip pain. We did sleep training with our DS and it worked within three nights.

Good luck smile

MoreSnowPlease Thu 04-Apr-13 13:18:11

Completely disagree with your DH. I think your method will take longer but doing it in small steps will eventually work and may cause less stress to LO.

However, it depends on your LOs nature. We tried this with DS (staying with him) and he cried so much, as if we were winding him up being there. Good luck whatever you di

busygirl Thu 04-Apr-13 13:26:55

That's what we did to teach dcs to sleep without the breast,they fell asleep with me sitting by them,when older I started leaving them for increasing lenght of time without them getting upset((eg I'm just going to have a wee etc).
Worked very well for us

SunnyRandall Thu 04-Apr-13 13:35:11

I would do it your way if I was in that situation. Yes you might have to do some more "training" at some point but that's another step to take when you feel ready.

Have you got the No Cry Sleep Solution? Might be worth a read too.

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