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No self soothing?

(14 Posts)
KatieLily12 Mon 25-Mar-13 19:19:15


Ok I'm seriously feeling like I'm not getting anywhere. My nearly 5 mo does not easily fall asleep. She's never dozed off or fallen asleep while lying down. It's always a concentrated effort: walks, sling, rocking, nursing.....

If I try to transfer her it rarely works.

If she is asleep on the bed and she stirs, she wakes up and I have to start again.

I tried a couple of times just popping her down to see if she gives in to sleep. I lasted 3 minutes- she had a MELTDOWN.

Any words of comfort/ wisdom/ reassurance? I feel like I never have any time for me as she's always on me. I adore her but I need her to be a little bit more independent with this whole sleep thing. I want my dinner for a start!

AndMiffyWentToSleep Mon 25-Mar-13 19:22:18

It'll happen...eventually. Mine was (is) the same but gradually started sleeping better and slept through (inconsistently) from 11 months.
Do you have a bedtime routine?

KatieLily12 Mon 25-Mar-13 21:18:24

Bed times aren't a massive issue in getting her to sleep- we've had a routine that's had her down at 7pm for months. She just wants to sleep on me which is fine when I'm ready to come to bed (we co sleep) but not for evenings and naps! I've tried so hard to sooth her off in other ways but mummy mattress wins every times hmm

MoreSnowPlease Mon 25-Mar-13 21:34:40

What about napping in the buggy? She might like the motion and that would give you a break. My DS takes all his naps in the buggy and at first it was really hard, he hated going in, I jut used to take him out an cuddle him everytime he cried and then put him back in when settled and do some vigorous rocking. He's 9 mo now and will go in buggy and fall asleep by himself with no rocking and settle himself back don when he stirs still wakes every hour at night though

KatieLily12 Tue 26-Mar-13 05:24:56

During the day I take her out in the sling or buggy quite a bit but I need to be really walking. And I'm so fed up of walking for hours in this AWFUL weather!

I make a point of doing 1 nap a day at home so she gets the practice and she definitely gets the cues: music on, curtains shut, gro bag on. She hollers and fights for ten mins then passes out on my shoulder but sometimes I can't even sit down with her, let alone transfer. She's getting so big now too that I can't keep it up.

I think it feels worse today because I needed a break from the weather so stayed in and battled every nap and then bed time which is the same story- knows the cues but wants to sleep only on me.

I know it won't last forever but I'm really starting to feel it will

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Tue 26-Mar-13 05:36:31

It's not a popular view, but i would say that you need to (gently) encourage her, because they do get heavy and there's many a (mainly) mum with a shagged back from rocking 9mo to sleep 3 times a day or leaning over the cot for hours.

How about put her in the cot and sit next to it, where she can see you? Sing a bit. Keep reassuring her. Once she's happy with you doing that, stop the singing. Then start standing by the door etc.

Olivess Tue 26-Mar-13 06:05:03

We were in a similar situation up to a few weeks ago but things have started to improve. My DD is 5 months. From birth she was unputdownable. We co-slept, she napped always in the buggy or sling and she screamed when she was put in the cot.

A few weeks ago i got to your point and things had to change. I started putting her down drowsy, basically either feeding or rocking her to sleep and then putting her gently in her cot when her eyes are flickering. Most of the time she screams then I do a form of pick up/put down. Sometimes it works quickly sometimes it takes ages but she does eventually fall asleep in the cot. She does cry a bit but I'm there with her all the time to comfort her. What has also really helped has been putting her down on her side, she seems to fall asleep much quicker like this. She doesn't stay on her side because she can't balance like this so I have to hold her on her side then gently lower her down onto her back when she's asleep. My aim is always for her to fall asleep in the cot. I have to help her a lot but I see this as our first step towards self-settling.

To some people it may not be much of an improvement but for us it has been huge. I feel like I am in control of her sleep now. She sleeps for longer at night and we have some naps in the day in the cot (she still naps a lot in the buggy when we are out and about and if I don"'t have the energy in my arms). She goes to sleep at 7.30ish and I get an evening to myself.

It's definitely worth persisting with a method that works for you. Good luck.

KatieLily12 Tue 26-Mar-13 09:20:28

olive that's amazing! That's what I want but she screams. I'm going to be a little stronger with the pick up, put down I think.

I think I just need to keep trying don't I? I've been trying for months though. I just keep thinking 'she HAS to get there eventually right???'

AliceWChild Tue 26-Mar-13 09:32:08

My baby is exactly the same. I've not done anything about it as its not a problem for me at the moment. He just sleeps on me in the living room all evening, then we go to bed and he sleeps easily there.

I've been putting the feelers out for what will happen or I might need to do in the future and I've been told that it often does just change. They'll get to a point where they do just settle themselves without you needing to force the issue. Personally I see it like anything else, they will crawl, talk, walk when they get there developmentally. I see it in the same way at the moment.

I've also got a copy of 'No Cry Sleep Solution' on the shelf if I do find I need to adopt a different approach in the future. I'm not planning on being harder about it though, it's not how I want to approach it. But I'll figure it out as I go along.

More experienced friends have assured me that for them it did just happen when they got to the right age, ranging from about 7-10 months iirc.

KatieLily12 Tue 26-Mar-13 11:18:52

I am horrified by the idea of her crying too but I'm burnt out. I have to start clawing a little time back as I am self employed and need to start putting out feelers for returning to (part time) work in 2 months. It takes a long time to build relationships.

I did NCSS at 2 months as she just stopped napping altogether! It was going great but she had terrible reflux and went on nursing strike so I dropped everything.

AliceWChild Tue 26-Mar-13 11:32:47

Yes that's the difficulty isn't it. I could do with evenings soon for similar reasons. Is there more mileage in NCSS? Would you recommend?

Olivess Tue 26-Mar-13 15:12:28

I also think that she became ready for it. I don't think this would have worked even a few weeks ago. I agree with it being a developmental thing so maybe keep trying but don't force it if it doesn't work....

KatieLily12 Tue 26-Mar-13 16:26:41

alice I really like the sleep research and that the author seems to like children and not get into that whole battle thing with them. She's honest that it is a long term approach too. I abhor baby trainers and you sound similar so this might work for you both.

olive I agree that unless you want to pick a fight, you need them to be part way there. I'm just starting to resent her at 5 months and I don't want to feel that way. I think I need to be persistent but listen to her too I'd that makes sense?

KatieLily12 Wed 27-Mar-13 09:23:04

richman we tried that yesterday as my back was killing me and she's taken to screaming and clawing my face no matter what I do. I'm watching her for signs of sleepiness then we start our little naptime routine but she's just melting down.

In desperation (and to save my skin) I put her down. It.did not. Go well. hmm

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