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Amu making a rod for my back or just stick with it?

(16 Posts)
girliefriend Mon 28-Jan-13 18:05:16

IMO there is a world of difference between cio and cc, with cc you are not abandoning them to cry themselves to sleep but constantly in and out to reassure.

With my dd, I would put down with a full tummy, relaxed, in a dark room, soothing music on and then sit near by while she settled. If she cried I would go to her and if she was distressed would pick up but then put back down.

Sometimes this would take 5 mins other nights a bit longer. I honestly believe that to help give my dd the skills she needs to be able to self soothe and fall asleep with out needing a prompt is a gift to her. She is now nearly 7yo and still sleeps 12-13 hours a night, slept through from about 8mos.

Obv you have to go with what feels right but I consider myself 'soft' as well and a born worrier, but also could see the logic in encouraging dd to have the skills needed to fall asleep independently.

Sorry seem to have waffled on a bit!!


OrchidFlakes Sat 26-Jan-13 22:10:28

Fortunately we only have one neighbour above (Victorian house conversion) and she has an epic social life and rarely in me? Jealous?! I just don't think CC/CIO is for me, I'm way too soft

PoppyWearer Sat 26-Jan-13 22:02:14

Well if you're in a flat, all the more reason to avoid CIO/CC as you will get stressed about disturbing your neighbours, I imagine (I did in our old house with DC1). That is an excellent reason to feed to sleep right there!

OrchidFlakes Sat 26-Jan-13 21:59:54

Thank you smile

Off to Amazon to order NCSS!

I think on Monday (so much easier to implement a routine/change when fun-time-daddy is back at work!) we'll try heading to 3 naps and earlier bed time, I can really see the logic/sense in it.

poppy, I dream if a house with stairs! We are in a flat so from lounge to bedroom is about 15 paces past the biscuit tin and fridge

PoppyWearer Sat 26-Jan-13 21:49:48

FWIW we would keep them downstairs with us in the evenings (in a buggy or travel cot) until we went to bed until they were older. Saves all that up/downstairs nonsense.

And I've done co-sleeping too.

Iggly Sat 26-Jan-13 21:49:12

You might need to try and move to three naps if you can? Might take a few days but that and early bedtime will hopefully help.

stargirl1701 Sat 26-Jan-13 21:45:51

It's really worth it. I heard about it on MN and ordered a copy. Lots of good advice regardless of the sleeping situation - co-sleeping, cot in room, cot in other room, etc. I'm working on naps with my 4 month old. She sleeps well at night, generally 11pm-8am but doesn't nap longer than 20min during the day.

OrchidFlakes Sat 26-Jan-13 21:42:53

Thank you all soooo much!

I'm not sleep deprived at all as he only wakes for about 10 mins each time for a quick feed, it's more the stop start evenings. iggly I'll try an earlier bed time and see what happens, thank you.

poppyWearer I'm inclined to agree with you, we have a friend who Cc'd her 2 month old DD and she is v serious and withdrawn, I much prefer my happy, giggly DS grin

stargirl I have heard of, but not tried No Cry, is it worth getting a copy? I'm prepared to consider anything but definitely not crying!

girliefriend we're not weaning yet, he's not quite there yet... He also has a night light, and has since birth (25 watt, blue light behind a cupboard!) just enough so I can see to feed him at night.

BertieBotts Jeez, I hadn't even thought if cluster feeding, he did it spectacularly as a newborn... How quickly you forget! I think you could be right though! grin

feekery if I'm feeding a 10 yr. old to sleep I think I'll be leaving town... Alone!

Thank you all, I'm feeling much better, I think nice been listening to too many people. Thank God DH is Mr Laid-back and happy to go with whatever I want. He's brill wink

Iggly Sat 26-Jan-13 21:26:04

Can you try an earlier bedtime by about 30-45 mins? I found this would be a problem if mine went to sleep too late.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 21:22:46

That does sound typical for his age - textbook, actually! His naps in the day sound very good and then he's doing the usual cluster feeding in the evenings - have you heard of this before?

Cluster Feeding

Personally I would just keep him downstairs with you in the evenings and feed and let him nap on and off so that at least you get a bit of an evening to watch TV/eat/mumsnet/chat with your partner etc. The cluster feeding stage will pass, most likely when weaning really gets under way and his intake of solids is good. Don't rush it - it will happen when he's ready. I didn't bother dimming the lights or sound etc - DS seemed to sleep through evening activity and then when we went to bed, he came too and usually slept fairly well although he did wake for milk in the night.

PoppyWearer Sat 26-Jan-13 21:21:55

It sounds fairly similar to my experiences with my two DCs. Sleep cycles at that age are around 30-45 minutes and my two would often wake after the first cycle (DC2 is 17mo and still does sometimes).

I have always prescribed to the notion to do "whatever works" for you and for them. Lots of people had advice for us about why feeding to sleep was bad. Yes, friends who did CIO/CC got their babies to sleep better, but I was more concerned about my DCs' happiness and well being, so we fed to sleep.

Waking every 2-3 hours, mine did that, and were always hungry for milk. You may find this settles a bit once you start weaning.

It's up to you, I would say. If the sleep deprivation is getting you to a point where you cannot function, change something. If you can cope, and are ok with feeding to sleep, keep doing it.

Good luck!

feekerry Sat 26-Jan-13 21:20:45

Hello. I am of the go with it camp!! Life is too short, you won't be feeding/rocking to sleep at 10 yr old (hopefully lol!!)
Do whatever is easiest and loveliest for you and your ds. He will eventually fall into his own routine. Someone once said to me your style of sleep training prob won't make much difference to how your baby sleeps. Its just the way they are. Relax,enjoy and go with the flow xx

stargirl1701 Sat 26-Jan-13 21:19:39

Have you read 'the no cry sleep solution'? I found the ideas very helpful.

girliefriend Sat 26-Jan-13 21:16:56

If you are happy feeding to sleep or using some other prompt for getting him to sleep then no you're not making a rod for your own back.

If you want to gently encourage him to be able to self soothe/settle then possibly you are.

It sounds like the bedtime routine is good, once he was in bed and asleep if he wakes up I would watch and wait near by, does he wake up screaming or just grumbling a bit? Could you shush/pat back to sleep? Is it properly dark in the room? Have you started thinking about weaning yet?

Sorry more questions than answers grin

OrchidFlakes Sat 26-Jan-13 21:09:37

Amu.... Am I!!

OrchidFlakes Sat 26-Jan-13 21:09:11

DS is 5.5 months. He has always fed to sleep at night and I'm ok with that - I think.

He has 4 naps a day each lasting 30-40 mins. Very occasionally they will be a bit longer but never over an hour hmm

His first nap is about 90 mins after waking and he will usually take this in his cot and seldom needs feeding to sleep. I just sit with him and he will go off on his own in about 10 mins.

The next 2 naps we are often out and about and has them in his pram. If we aren't actually walking I rock him off in his pram for the nap.

The last one if the day he will either rock off in the pram at home or he'll cry/fuss and I'll feed him to sleep and put him down.

The problem we are having is that he is not going down well at night. We have a routine of quiet play, bath, massage, PJ's, feed, sleep - startibg about 7 and in bed (on the boob) by 720. He has started waking after about 30 mins anything from 2-5 times needing to be resettled (usually rocked) every 10 mins or so for up to an hour. He then wakes every 2-3 hours overnight. He has also started waking very early - before 6. He will often go back to sleep again after about 30 mins for about 45 mins.

Is there anything I can do? Does this sound typical for his age? Am I making a rod by keep feeding him to sleep? He has slept longer than this, a few times right through but for a long time just woke for one or 2 feeds now its 4+

We co sleep (side car cot) and CC/CIO are not an option. During the day he is happy and content. Every nap is spaced 2 hours apart which seems to suit for now... I think?!

Any advice re night time, naps, both will be gratefully received!

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