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At breaking point - please help.

(13 Posts)
educator123 Sun 20-Jan-13 15:09:10

My dd is just over 9months, fully breastfed co sleeps most nights. But going down at 7ish only to wake again at 10 then on and off all night and won't sleep in the day unless I'm a pushchair or sling.

I really don't feel I can carry on much longer like this I have 3older children, eldest being 6 whom need my attention in the day. My first three all self settled, had long naps etc. And the only reason I can think dd doesn't is because of co-sleeping from the start.

I really need to break this cycle sad and advice would be more than appreciated.

Missmummypenny Sun 20-Jan-13 15:23:20

If you crack it let me know. I'm in the same situation but with a much younger baby and desperate for him not to need me to sleep. Good luck to you I hope you manage to solve it soon, especially as you have other DCs to think about.

educator123 Sun 20-Jan-13 15:26:49

Thank you I've had a meltdown today :'( and really hope I can do something soon.
Some people hate it but I would give anything for my dd to find her thumb/fingers like two of my others did they were amazing sleepers and contented all of the time.

Collienova Sun 20-Jan-13 16:30:49

It could be that your DD is going through an incredibly busy time in her development. I'm in exactly the same boat, where she needs me to breast feed her to sleep and wakes up every hour/ couple if hours during the night. We only partially co-sleep now (mainly when I'm dead on my feet and can't carry/rock her any more). She is mostly in the cot now and still wakes up. I hope this is just a phase to be honest!

Iggly Sun 20-Jan-13 18:29:10

Has she always been unsettled? My two are like this (well were) but both were windy and had food intolerance so didn't sleep well.

It was around now that I got dd into her cot (co slept from birth) and she settled down more at night although at 13 months it's all gone to pot again but at least she's in her cot.

Seriouslysleepdeprived Sun 20-Jan-13 19:55:06

My 9 month old is the same if it helps. He used to self settle for naps & sleep 1-2 hrs but its all gone to pot with the 9 month sleep regression.

Unbelievably I'm back to boobing him for naps which I have not fine since he was 5 months but he just won't sleep otherwise. I think it's him trying to walk & make new sounds combined with separation anxiety.

Meltdowns are frequent here too. Not very helpful but not sure it's anything you've fine tbh.

Seriouslysleepdeprived Sun 20-Jan-13 19:56:15

Anything you have done not fine

educator123 Sun 20-Jan-13 22:10:13

Thank you, I think because she is number four I just co slept need on demand from day one...needed sleep to come with a just 2,4 and 5 yr old during the day. Also was enjoying my last baby cuddles.

I've also had her in a sling during lots during the day from the start so I can still do things with my other dcs she will sleep like an angel in the sling but it not as easy to get thing done with her in it and I'm starting to feel as of I need a little time away as she is ebf won't take a bottle and sleeps with me day and night.

I just hoped she would grow out of it, but I really am doubting that now in think she just has all the wrong sleep associations.

SazzleMc Mon 21-Jan-13 08:52:24

Same boat here too. I am EXHAUSTED ;o( Need to teach DD 9months old to self soothe. She used to but had a really bad cold and just wanted cuddles all the time. Now we are in such a mess. Last night, she went down at 7pm slept till 10 ish, woke at midnight and then basically every hour after that. Up for the day at 5am.

Help/advice welcomed here too

Pitmountainpony Mon 21-Jan-13 10:04:52

Same boat here-hating co sleeping with this second baby as she moves about waking every 2 hours...headbutting me as she tries to practise crawling in her sleep.

I have just actually taken her and put her in the crib and left her to cry as I am so tired- 2 in the morning and I have been awake since 12 midnight-my son is sick too so it has been a week of bad nights....
It is really horrible but i do not even think it is a consequence of co sleeping- just different kid different sleep patterns.
I try to go with what they seem to need so if they need feeding for comfort in the night I do it but when you get to breaking point you need to just do what is needed to stay sane-so maybe do shifts with your partner- let him stay up and try to sooth her for 4 hours then you do the next 4 hours.....we are vaguely doing something like that from 6 am- i sleep till 8 am maybe but have been up since 5 am most days with her and of course 2-4 times woken in the night.Tonight is the 5th time she has woken.Those sleeps till 8 am whilst my Dh deals with the kids make a big difference to my day.
The other trick is to go to bed with kids at 8 pm so you can be okay by 3-4 am.

It is crazy making and you are not alone.But do not blame yourself-just a different bay this time.Mine is crying now in the other room and I am letting her as it is the safest thing for all as I am so irritable and do not want to shout at her or be irritable until I have calmed down as the deprivation makes you so cranky even towards a sweet blameless little baby.

Pitmountainpony Mon 21-Jan-13 10:08:03

So after 5 mins she went quiet and i freaked out so much as she has never self soothed i just went to the room doorway and she sensed me and started crying again.
I think i am oing to have to do controlled crying to survive this baby even though all my instincts up to this point have prevented me choosing that option.
It is a survival game when the sleep gets this bad- so you kind of have to choose the least bad option- not a fan of crying it out but giving it a go anyway.
I totally empathise!!

Iggly Mon 21-Jan-13 10:39:18

I got dd into her cot around 10 months without cc. After the 9 month developmental leap, she was happier going in. (self settling came later). We graduated up to her lying down while I stroke her back.

BiscuitMillionaire Mon 21-Jan-13 10:48:26

I've posted about this loads of times, but I highly recommend the Baby Whisperer technique, pick-up put-down. Read about it in detail on their forum here. You have to be absolutely ready, determined and consistent, but for my DS, at 8m he went from waking every couple of hours to bf, to sleeping through from about 8pm to 5 or 6am, after 3 days of doing the technique. I did slowly reduce the night feeding first though. It does not involve leaving them to cry alone, but cutting out their dependence on whatever 'prop' you use to get them back to sleep, so they can settle themselves. Basically when they cry you pick them up, comfort them, but as soon as they stop crying, before they're asleep again, you put down again. Then pick up again if necessary. You need to read up on it properly though. I think you would have to put her in her own cot, although it could be in your room. Good luck!

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