DH and I disagreeing over sleep training.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

DD , at around 10/11 months, was waking numerous times a night and only returning to sleep with a bottle. We went cold turkey and within a week she was going through 7-7 no wakings.

DH has been away for a few weeks (DD is now 13 months) and hs recently returned. Since he has come.back, DDs sleep has really gone to pot. She was woken numerous times.on each of the five nights he has been home, the first night of which was dreadful and resulted in her not settling to sleep til 4am.

As we did the 'cold turkey' not going into her thing a few months back, DH is of the opinion that we need to do that again and is pressing for me to leave her to cry. If she is getting herself very worked up I do go.into her but am made to feel like I am 'breaking the rules' by DH.

I should add that most of the time DH was away, I took leave from work as my shift patterns are not compatable with childcare and obviously DH wasnt here to pick up the slack.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

oops posted too soon.I wanted to add to that that since he has.come.home.ive been back at work alk week and me.not being around may have knocked her for six.


So, tonight as an example, DD woke around midnight and has been crying on and off since then. DHs opinion is that if something was really bothering her, she would cry continuously. My concern is that she is not going back to sleep, something has woke her or is preventing her getting back to sleep and she is upset by this. I felt that tonight, leaving her has just seemed mean and like we wont go to her if she needs us. From what I can tell, DH is of the opinion that if we go to her, she knows she can cry and we will 'pander ' to her.

I got cross with him, and he got.cross with me for wanting to 'break the rules'.

We realised last time round that if we do go.into her she can sometimes get really worked up, however other times would accept a dummy in and a "shh night night" and go back to sleep.

I dont know what to do - it seems we fundamentally disagree on how to handle these night wakings. Any advice? I know I need to discuss all.of this with DH tomorrow and we need a plan that we both agree with, and I need some help as to whether there are things I can do to help do it 'his way' or whether I could try a different sleep traininf method.

[luisgarcia]

ime every couple of months brings a new sleep challenge, so the rules of a couple of months ago may not apply now. Is d teething? How long was h away for? what kind of bed does d sleep in?

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

She has around 11 teeth, all at various stages of poking through so we generally offer her calpol and gum stuff, but these have normally worn off by this time and going in and administering more seems to result in her going mad at us (presumably for.not getting her out / cuddles etc).

She sleeps in a cotbed, in a grobag, and her room is a good temperature.

She took her first three steps today, so not sure if sleep is tied in with these development leaps but that could be relevant.

Im supposed to be in work.tomorrow.but have been awake for a few hours.now and while she is no longer crying, she is.doing the odd.whimper so Im finding it hard to wind back down to sleep

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

DH was away 2.5weeks.

[luisgarcia]

At a basic level, you need to figure out what is up with her not what is up with him. Again, ime, sleep disturbance goes with development so the walking may be very relevant.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

I do think it is a mix of a shock to her routine (him back and me off to work again), rather than a "physical" ailment as such.

I do feel cross with DH as I feel I cant go to her or try a diffetent technique as it isnt The Way we agreed previously. I hate listening to her cry but can cope if its.only a quick five minute burst. When it is on and off for over an hour I hate that Im made to feel guilty for wanting to got to her.

[luisgarcia]

Agree on a New Way. And if it's you doing all the night work and not him, then by agree I mean dictate.

[suekat]

i would say trust ur instincts. you felt comfortable doing the sleep training bfor bt nt now because you sense there is something more to her crying. a mother knows best, dont be made to feel guilty fo comforting ur own child