Ten yr old dd can't go to sleep until 1am please help I'm desperate

[ledkr]

My dd is ten and has been having trouble sleeping since the summer. She has been fairly anxious as well but if say that is much better recently. We have tried many variations but basically she goes up around 9 then I settle her at 9.30 with a cuddle and quick chat.
Over Xmas we were fairly relaxed so went to bed a bit later so it wasn't quite as bad but since Sunday she isn't sleeping until 1 am. We go to sleep about eleven and are then woken by her calling around 3 more times before she goes off.
Last night I was so tired and its so disorientating to keep being woken up. I think I had a bit of a panic attack as my heart was pounding and I felt dreadful
She is happy at school has a healthy diet and is very active with dancing and guides.
I have taken her twice to the dr but they are useless and suggested piriton which makes no difference.
I'm just desperate for advice really. Tonight I'm going to do no I pod or tv for an hour before bed and read to her before she sleeps.
Any other suggestions?

[ledkr]

Bump

[Lynned]

Not sure what to advise, but no one else has replied. We had this with my Dd, and eventually it came out that she was being bullied at school. Can you probe a bit deeper?

[ledkr]

Thanks Lynned I don't think she is as has a big friendship group and cis always keen to tell me indignantly if someone has been unkind.
She is scared of noises and people breaking into the house so god knows how I get around that one. We have never let her watch dodgy tv or had anything traumatic happen at home.
I'm just so tired and its soup destroying being woken so often not to mention her not sleeping

[PeriPathetic]

DD is the same. At least she doesn't call out any more. And it wasn't that she couldn't sleep, more that she didn't want to.

Things that help - no TV, iPod or anything electrical after 6pm or 7pm, depending on her attitude (she's a bit older now).
No junk food or drink at all after school.
Quiet cuddle & chat in bed (but she's moving away from that now ) - it was this chat that enabled me to hear all the stuff she had bottled up. If indeed she was worried - most of the time it was stuff to put-off going to bed.
No pressure to sleep - let her read or write her diary. As long as she stayed quietly in her room, she could do what she wanted really.
Sounds 'woo', but Rescue Remedy Night Time helped a lot, told her it was magic drops or something, can't remember now.

I think the main thing is to make sure she isn't calling out for you all the time. Mine was a bloody jack-in-the-box at night, from birth. She's MUCH better now, finally.

[PeriPathetic]

X-posted there - is she actually worried, or is she making things up to keep with you? My DD would make up 'bad thoughts' so I would have to spend a lot more time with her dispelling them. It was just a phase.

[Imaginethat]

I have had similar with my 10yo dd for a long time, a year or two, but seem to have cracked it recently.

The change followed an unhurried chat about bedtime and how useful it would be if she could go to bed and then to sleep rather than getting up for drink/toilet/adjust blind/open door/close door. She said she really really wanted to be able to manage that and lo & behold has.

Stunned actually. I have been reminding her to do teeth/toilet etc before bed for as long as I can remember but suddenly she seems to have taken ownership of the task and pride in being able to get off to sleep. To the point when one night she had to get up as was sick, she cried because she'd broken her new routine.

So I would suggest a calm chat before bedtime with questions about how she might manage ie what do yu need to do before bed? when would be a good time to get to sleep? how do you feel when you've had a good sleep? How is your day after a good sleep? so as to help her take responsibility for solving her sleep issue.

I hope this helps, sorry if it doesn't.

[Guineapigfriend]

Light shinning into the eyes, particularly from computers and tv can inhibite the production of the hormone melatonin, which is vital for getting to sleep. So your idea about reducing computers etc is good, but you may want to go further- say 2-3 hours. My youngest son is very sensitive to light in the evenings.
You can get melatonin on prescription, it doesn't really have many side effects and isn't a sleeping pill as such.

[Imaginethat]

Oh and also this fear of noises and burglars etc, my dd has had these anxieties roughly since turning 10 and some of her friends are the same. I wonder if it's a stage they go through?

[ledkr]

Thank you so much I am literally testy knowing I'm not alone so it must be really getting to me.
I wondered if its a phase and hormonal too?
I am defo doing no screen time tonight and will spend time with her as I realise now that bedtime can be rushed and hurried as I'm so tired and desperate for a rest.
She's been a handful lately too, won't do anything for herself tearful if made to or cheeky. I'm sure the sleep thing doesn't help her attitude.
Imagine- I laughed when I read the bit about blinds drinks toilets etc. she has even run out of things to say so last night called me to ask if I was in bed grrrt

[Imaginethat]

I think limited screen time is always a good thing, but I do think this phase might be an age & stage thing. The tears and attitude sound familiar too. My daughter really is one of the most placid children on the planet but lately there have been many episodes of bursting into tears and when I ask her what's wrong she says she doesn't know. Which would tally with hormones. I've also had rudeness ( previously unheard of) though she does recover herself and apologise later. i wonder when all this will pass....

[XBenedict]

My DD is the same, she's 9 about to turn 10. She doesn't seem to be able to switch off and is forever pottering around in her room, anything but sleep. She now has some oils that she drops on her pillow, we talk things through before bed in an attempt to help get things off her mind, she's better but I would like her to go to sleep a wee bit earlier. She finally goes to sleep about 10/10.30pm.

[ledkr]

imagine can I ask what you do about the rudeness because I feel like I'm constantly on at her theses days. She's highly strung I'd say. Just got some pages mixed up and was hysterical. She can also be fairly cutting but then mortified when I point out how hurtful she has been. She wants to take over with her little sister but then loses the plot if she isn't compliant.
I had 3 boys and they were bad enough as teens but I am literally dreading the next few years.

[Chigley1]

Hi, there is another similar thread in chat started by Tutti, there are any of us battling this so plenty of sympathy. Lots of good advice too so come on over!

[Imaginethat]

It varies.... Lately she has been very hard on her little brother and I pick her up on it daily, sometimes several times a day. I also make a point of noticing when she is kind to him, and I have had a couple of chats with her about how it feels to be little and picked on by a bigger sibling. I also try to ensure she has time away from him and times when she can if she wants to shut herself in her room without him barging in.

There has been a fair amount of stomping which I don't react to. I've always told the kids they can feel as angry or sad as they want but they cannot hurt people or possessions. So stomping and a bit of a shout here and there is fine.

The feeling of it being constant is hard, I sympathise. I have the constant thing with my younger one being generally unreasonable. I think maybe we both need to look at Tutti's thread.