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Too late for cot?

(30 Posts)
Nellycats Thu 03-Jan-13 13:58:08

Our daughter is 15 months old and we have been cosleeping since birth, it was the only way to stop her crying and really helped with the breastfeeding.

Whenever we tried to introduce the cot, she has been desperate to get out, apart from rare daytime naps when she was too tired to object!

Usually I would breastfeed her to sleep, avoiding that would bring tears and the cryin could go on for over an hour. So I would give in and breastfeed we to sleep.

The problem is she still feeds through the night, eats very little, and I'm exhausted from the frequent waking and lack of a social life! There's no way we can leave her to sleep with a grandparent or other relative she knows - a babysitter seems a distant dream.

She won't take a bottle, may drink a bit from a beaker but also won't take a dummy. I'm her dummy really.

My husband thinks we should try again with the cot, is it too late? I worry about using a normal bed or mattress in case she falls off or escapes the room. Help!

Nellycats Thu 03-Jan-13 19:26:46

Oh dear...you mean there is no hope? wink

mamij Thu 03-Jan-13 19:35:58

Difficult one. I've also got a 14 mo bf from birth and co-sleeping. She's got a cow's milk intolerance and won't take nutrimigen. So essentially is bf all day and night. She is also fed to sleep for naps and bedtime.

She doesn't really have night feeds any more, but that's because I did a bit of "controlled crying" with her, cutting out the earliest wake up (bed time is 7pm and used to wake at 10pm, 12am, 2am, 5am etc). So at 10pm, I held her tight when she cried, and more or less held her to sleep. Lasted about 30 mins, but went back to sleep. After about two nights, she stopped waking at 10pm. Then nipped each wake up in the bud until she stopped waking. Still wakes up at 5ish and I do feed her then so she can go back to sleep!

Not sure how to stop feeding to sleep though! Will put her into her own bed when she's ready. Co-sleeping just means more sleep for everyone!

Nellycats Thu 03-Jan-13 21:28:08

Thank you mamij, I would love to have only one feed through the night but what worries me is that she seems completely unable to settle on her own so I worry that if we continue the cosleeping it will give we mixed messages...

What we will try this week is to have her dad put her to sleep and, apart from the 11 o'clock breastfeed, he will be getting up and hug her and then put her down in her cot. I'm really really dreading it but cannot see a way to safeguard cosleeping while cutting down the night feeds.

sad

Nellycats Thu 03-Jan-13 21:29:13

It will give her not we

mamij Thu 03-Jan-13 21:41:37

Good luck! DD2 would never let DH settle her hmm But once she's asleep (now we've stamped out he night feeds), she will stay asleep until 5ish. But she probably does know I'm next to her.

Having said that, DH did start putting DD1 to bed when we found I was pregnant with DD2. She resisted for a good few months before settling with him.

zapotek Thu 03-Jan-13 21:49:57

I never used a cot with mine. She went in a todder bed with guards from 1 (before that we co-slept). She came in with me on first wake-up but was feeding several times a night.

At 18months we decided to night wean and DH started to settle her in the night. He started doing the bed time routine with her when she was a bit younger so she got used to him settling her to sleep. We then decided to alter our sleeping arrangements so that I slept in a different room and DH got up to attend to her in the night. After a couple of nights and a bit of protest she started to wake up less and less and be settled by DH's voice. She is however, a very laid back baby and good at adjusting to change.

We've gone backwards a bit since a recent illness and DD now comes in with me during part of the night but I think the number of wake-ups has diminished and DH still does the bedtime

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 03-Jan-13 22:49:26

I was in the same boat as you bf-ing to sleep and co sleeping. I stopped breast feeding when ds was around 11 months old, to stop i has to let my ds go for a sleep over at my aunties so he wasnt sucking on me all night. He wasnt eating very well and loosing weight because he was having too much bf and not enough actual food so i had to stop breastfeeding. I also wanted to put him in his own cot but this still hasnt happened despite me sleeping on a mattress next to his cotbed for the last week it normally ends up with me in cotbed or him on my mattress on the floor so tonight i have given u and gone back to co sleeping in our bed, the problem is he carnt settle himself, he is a hair baby and loves to play with my hair to get himself to sleep rather than a teddy. When i put my son to sleep it can take hours for him to drift off when my dp does it he goes to sleep in 15 minutes...very very annoying.

Nellycats Fri 04-Jan-13 11:55:27

Thank you mamij and Zapotec and MySonismyWorld for sharing your stories, it's just so hard to hear your little one cry for missing you isn't it... But tonight is the first night we will try to teach her to settle by herself, will post tomorrow to let you know how it goes.

Have a good sleep yourselves! smile

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 04-Jan-13 17:47:06

Good luck your braver than me i canrt hear my little lad crying! x

Nellycats Fri 04-Jan-13 21:47:07

I know what you mean MySonIsMyWorld, that's exactly why I have failed to help her self settle for the last 15 months sad

I would buckle after the crying, and if it wasn't for my dh putting her to sleep tonight, I would have caved in. She cried on and off for an hour and a half, it was awful.

I guess I'm at the end of my tether, and so is my dh. This lack of a settled bedtime (one that doesn't involve me breastfeeding to sleep for around an hour and then very two hours through the night) has had an awful impact to us individually and as a couple too...

At least he never left her side and was constantly there, stroking it cuddling her, so hopefully she wasn't feeling abandoned.

It still makes me feel horrible though, my poor little girl sad

Nellycats Fri 04-Jan-13 21:48:55

Sorry, I'm tired and my phone is pure autocorrecting evil, dh was cuddling and stoking her not it!

Nellycats Fri 04-Jan-13 21:50:06

St*r*oking angry

Right, I'm off to bed, apologies for rambling a bit...

Novmama Fri 04-Jan-13 21:52:08

Good luck. Sounds similar to us. DD1 coslept and fed to sleep until just before 2nd birthday. Cot never used. DD2 now also cosleeping plus fed to sleep. Wakes for between 3 and 5 feeds a night. Have no answer but leaving them to cry it out not something we could do it.

Nellycats Sat 05-Jan-13 14:29:46

Novmama, I agree about the crying out, that's not what we're trying as she won't be left alone to cry at any point. My dh was either holding her in his arms or stroking her over the cot. But we won't let her cry alone.

What happened last night is she woke up three more times and each time my dh would soothe her in his arms till asleep. Then when she woke up again at 5, I breastfed her and out her back down and she slept till 8.

We will try again today, hopefully she'll start getting used to sleeping in her cot soon. Thankfully my dh was knackered but remained very patient and calm and would immediately pick her up and comfort her.

Cheers everybody for your help.

Nellycats Sun 06-Jan-13 08:45:08

Right, we've had our second night...

He fell asleep whilst dh was putting her in the cot (yay!) but woke up half an hour later (boo) and continued crying for 40 minutes while dh was trying to comfort her.

Feeling horrid I went in the room and breastfed her, put her back down, she cried for a minute then fell asleep.

Woke up again at 4, got up and fed her and our her down, she slept till 8.30.

So, I feel much happier about not letting her cry mucho and feeding her, she clearly isn't ready for sleeping thorough without milk but we're getting on with her settling in her bed which is great!

What we will try is stick with breastfeeding when she cries but not taking her to bed and once this is established, try cutting the night feeds in a few weeks/months.

Still need to convince her to eat a bit more but we'll just have to continue trying.

Nellycats Sun 06-Jan-13 08:46:02

she fell asleep, still very much a girl smile

Nellycats Sun 06-Jan-13 08:47:21

Also, "mucho" was clearly a typo rather than an attempt to sound Spanish blush

Nellycats Wed 09-Jan-13 18:27:40

This may be my last update, as I'm mainly talking to myself blush but it's been almost a week and it's like a mini diary...

The little one has been sleeping in her cot quite well! She doesn't eat much and sometimes won't breastfeed for long either so after putting her to sleep at 8 (dad reads her a story), she will cry and I will feed her again round 10. Then I put her back down and she will probably cry for a feed again at 1, which is when I go to sleep so it's perfect... Then she will sleep till anything between 6 to 8 (wow) which means I get a wonderful uninterrupted minimum 5 hours! And no longer on my side but in glorious arms akimbo position!

I loved co-sleeping and if she's up early we take her back to bed with us but I no longer feed her lying down for ages till she sleeps. Nor do I worry about her waking up before me and bang her head on the headboard.

And, most importantly, we haven't had hours and hours of crying...

Eventually I hope to cut down and phase out the night feeds but we're sleeping sooo much better already!

Thanks again for all your tips xx

Nightmoves Wed 09-Jan-13 22:01:21

Nellycats just found your thread and hope you check it again. Can I ask, what were you doing for naps? Similar situation, DS 9 months, BF and co-sleeping. Love him in bed with us but getting to the stage where none of us are getting much sleep due to constant wakings and DS getting bigger!! Am aiming to try for cot once he is 1 and we can gradually work on BF too, however, at the mo we both lie down for a morning nap and some much needed rest and am worried about stopping this. Does your wee one now nap in cot too?

Zapotek Wed 09-Jan-13 22:28:57

Wow that's brilliant Nellycats. Sounds as if you are making progress.

RE your previous posts-It is horrible hearing them cry but as my DH said sometimes it's worse if you let them cry for 30mins then go up because they will have cried for 30 mins for nothing. Because they know you will go into them after 30 minutes they then will expect to cry for that long next time as they know you will come in. So in the end it makes them cry more.

So you need to either go in fairly quickly or not at all (very hard I know)

If at any point your DH settles with a bit of crying, the next time DD will settle more quickly for him. It is not leaving them to CIO which is a totally different thing.

Anyway looks lie things are getting better for you slowly.

Nellycats Wed 09-Jan-13 22:42:58

Thank you Zapotek, I guess my worry was that if she wouldn't stop crying she was probably hungry and as she refused the bottle I would be the only one that can feed her. I'm sooo grateful she's learning to settle on her own, though I do like to hear her snorring on the breast wink.

Nellycats Wed 09-Jan-13 22:47:53

Hi Nightmoves, I think you can differentiate between morning naps and evening sleep, and only keep the evening as the cot sleep if it means you can get some sleep during the day!

On the other hand, napping in the cot can be a soft introduction to what seems like s big step to the baby.

I think that for us what made a difference was having a little extra food for her dinner. The hungrier she is, the less settled I think.

Let me know how it goes, have you tried any breastfeeding cafe for real life advice? Good luck!

Nellycats Wed 09-Jan-13 22:50:35

Also, I have been feeding her and putting her to her cot in a growbag so she's not getting suddenly cold when touching the cot. That tends to wake her up too...

Zappo Thu 10-Jan-13 20:50:13

Zapotek here.

Yes I too worry mine is hungry everytime she wakes. Mine is older though (2) and eats very well. Yesterday she had a bowl of cereal just before bed and had a really good night sleep, only waking once. So then I think on those nights she wakes up a lot, is she hungry?

Mine is often affected by the cold too and when it's muggy wakes when she gets too hot - there are so many reasons they will wake.

I do know if I co-sleep DD wakes more than when I just feed her once or twice in the night so I definately think they wake up for milk but not necessarily because they are hungry.

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