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High Needs Baby Support Group (thread V)

(351 Posts)
PeggyCarter Mon 31-Dec-12 20:16:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MXP78 Tue 26-Mar-13 19:49:53

moresnowplease she's 8.5 mths. She can stand holding on to something and can pull herself up to standing from sitting. She is very strong on her legs and has been for a long time. She permanently wants to be on her feet.

DH and I are going to look at a nursery on Thurs AM. I really think I need to go back to work. Feeling sad as thought I'd really want to be a stay at home Mum, but it's just too hard sad

Oh and an update on the car - the garage think it's going to be a write off!!!!!!! Meanwhile, 2 weeks later, the police still haven't done anything about the driver that fled the scene even though they have the registration. I am SO ANGRY.

CabbageHead Wed 27-Mar-13 05:18:08

Hi chooks

Hope u r all having a decent day... Been out of contact as too busy sedating the beast and getting my head round a new transition... OMFG if it snot one thing it's another...

Finally getting a breather DS has figured out how to sleep better at night FFS!! Ony taken 11 mths!!! Well actually I'm happy but trying not to get too excited cos I KNOW IT WON'T LAST!! Last 2 night s has slept thru and woken only nice for short period (not hour and half!) yay yay yay.. Only bummer is it was full moon so I couldn't sleep so effing annoying to have ur nonsleeping baby finally asleep and then u r wide awake!

He has had several long days sleeps too so we just freaking that he is dead of course cos it's so unusual u start panicking! Anyway after fighting all his naps all of a sudden have just figured out he is trying to transition to one nap.

Over. My. Dead. Body. ! He can't even catch up on sleep is constantly overtired NO WAY is he going to have one sleep a day! Anyway at least I understand wots going on now cos I had no effing idea there for a while... So each day is a surprise and battle as I don't know when he due to be tired.. (typical high needs changes every day)

Figured first nap around 10am now but second nap all over the place.. At least I have a bit of leeway now if one nap a day is FINALLY at least 1hour long...

Yay yay yay yay rest rest rest rest

Stargirl glad u got sorted even if u had to go to AnE to figure it out..

Mxp don't feel bad about going back to work u don't have to be a superhero you just have to be best mum u can be and if that means more life balance for u by working and means u have more patience then in long run it will be better for bub, you and family in general.. Don't feel guilty... Man heap sof chics I worked with had bubs and went back to work after 6weeks! Some becos they had to, but a lot for other reasons..

Lowesy think ur DD is in that fussy eating phase .. I am so dreading that as at the mo DS will eat nearly everything but spits out all chunks as too lazy to chew! My youngest stepdaughter was a horror of a child to feed until now she's 16 and much better, she was so fussy it was insane drove us all bonkers.

MOre snow, friggin milestones and teething and highly sensitive babies equal recipe for ongoing torture.. That is all I have to say about the matter of no sleep... I reckon it's definitely possible to die an excruciating death from sleep deprivation!

DS 1st birthday next month thinking of hiring plane to fly over with cloud formation writing 'I just survived 12months!' ha ha... Planning cake now..

MoreSnowPlease Wed 27-Mar-13 19:53:40

Lowesy maybe you should "lose your voice" accidentally on purpose might give you the break you need and require lots of TLC from DH !

mxp sounds like she's nearly there! Maybe the wanting to be on their feet all the time is a high needs trait, DS was the same and started walking at 6.5 months because of it, and then he was like a different baby, doesn't need me anymore! apart from to get back to sleep every hour at night

cabbage how did you manage to get him sleeping?! Fingers crossed it continues, sleep deprivation is really awful

I'm really angry s went to he gp to check nothing wrong with DS as he has endless feeding and sleeping problems. She literally took his temperature and declared there was nothing physically wrong with him and tat I needed to just get him out of my bed into his own room and cut his naps short so he only has one. In my sleep deprived and desperate state I cut his naps short to just having two of half hour each, yesterday and today. His sleep has been worse, hes been extremely hard to settle, has taken to screaming again like when he was younger. I'm so pissed off that I listened to her after I spent he last 9 months getting to the stage where he will nap well for a good amount of time, feel like I've just messed the last 9 months of hell up

CabbageHead Wed 27-Mar-13 23:57:26

more snow wow can't believe ur DS walked at 6.5 mths!

I didn't do anything to change sleep DS did it all n his own... Woke twice last night think he was hungry but since he has been sleeping thru better we r getting DH to do all night wakings to stop feeding at night and so I get a decent nights sleep becos a year of sleep dep is killing me as I'm 43 as well so very hard to lose. That much sleep at this old age! Heh..

Who knows thought he'd have a long nap this morn but looks lifehe has just done half an hour, he was tired from wake up again...

Yeh most gps have not got a clue... Could you ask a feeding consultant (lactation).. How old is DS again? Wot sort of feeding issues? Does he have tongue tie? Or intolerances? I have read that it's better to keep 2 naps as long as possible but prob depends on bub I guess.. I reckon follow ur instinct.. I read lots of sleep stuff online then try and find the best solution that suits DS personality from experience cos half the advice you give only relates to 'normal' bubs that sleep well anyway!

CabbageHead Thu 28-Mar-13 09:58:34

Ha ha ha have to laughat myself... My sleeping DS was short lived... Tired again from wake up, only had one 30min nap for entire day... Wish me luck tonight! sad

CabbageHead Fri 29-Mar-13 07:30:29

Managed to get him down at 5.30pm he was so exhausted. I had to stay with him until 7pm just to get thru until his usual crash out time when he goes completely out to it... So if he stirred I could pat him back to sleep without him waking fully conscious.. Worked a treat.. Slept thru until 7am only woke cos it was so windy his door blew open this morning! He stirred twice during night but went back to sleep with dummy no dramas!

Yay! Only bummer is FOTY is looking after him all Easter so I can have a break but I will pay dearly for it... Sure enough only one nap today becos foty cant time the naps but insists he knows everything and insists he parent HIS WAY...

at least it was 1.5hrs because of the good night last night but he will slowly lose sleep over next 4days andi will pick up the pieces next week (fighting naps again).. DH FOTY thinks he is fantastic cos he slept so well today when I know it's because of my putting him to bed early last night... Woteva!

Oh yeah. Btw FOTY told me this morning that me and my mum were turning him into a fussy baby.... Say no more.... Lots of support around here! NOT!

Natmu Fri 29-Mar-13 23:44:46

None for me either cabbage. Everyone keeps telling me to leave him to scream. I'm just at the end of my patience/sanity/energy etc. Having a seriously black moment. It just feels like everything is getting worse and worse. I know this will pass all of it but when??? I'm absolutely at breaking point. He just screams at me all day and night. DH is no use whatsoever and he won't go to anyone else as he has bad separation anxiety. WTF am I meant to do?????

CabbageHead Sat 30-Mar-13 11:34:02

Oh natmu I sincerely hope ur day was better than mine! Ur DS obviously has some medical problem otherwise he wldnt be screaming so much, he needs soothing but you can't do it all on your own... Tell anyone who. Will listen and try and get some support of other mothers, neighbours, consellors, whoever you can.. Sometimes help comes from the most unlikely sources and sometimes the people you think you can depend on turn out to be the ones who just want to depend on you!!!

I made emergency call to my Inlaws and sleep centre when DS was 4mths because I was starting to struggle with him. The clinical nurse took one look at DS and stated he was high needs. I didn't even know wot the term meant back then but I was already having my suspicions. He is justo much more sensitive than other babies and has taken ages and ages to develop and kind of self regulation. It will get better for u becos it has for me, but in meantime u do have to survive it. U need support u cannot do this on ur own trust me. U need someone to believe in you so ur self worth doesn't get eroded like mine has. Lucky I hav been thru a lot of grief in life so I am very emotionally strong.

I've had such a long time period of really difficult day naps prob 6hard weeks of hard slog everyday.. And th usual night wakings teething and milestones... This is all hard but doubly hard when u have a DH in TOTAL DENIAL and completely desperate to see DS because he needs his ego stroking because he is so insecure..

I am so angry despondent and now I really am depressed for the first time in my life because I'm also at the end of my tether... A gal can only take so much.
I have been thinking of separating for a long long long time and the time is getting nearer and nearer. It's very much a damned if u don't damned if u do situation. My middle stepdaughter had a go at me this morning and also said the old, but my daddy has raised 3 kids listen to him he knows wot he is talking about (I could tell you a million stories about his useless parenting skills) don't get me wrong he is a good father, one of the best, but he is a crap mother and he wants full control of being a crap mother because apparently I am being a stressed out crap mother who doesnt know a thing because I have no experience because I am a first time mother..

Wot no one seems to get is when u r the mother you r biologically tied to ur baby, u wake when they wake, u feel their pain and discomfort, they look at you and say rescue me mum, you instinctively know stuff that no one else possibly can but I'm being seriously undermined day in day out and I cannot take it anymore.. Have no idea wot to do, go to counsellor I think and talk it thru, they helped me before... I can't change DH but I cannot go on in this state either.

DH,s family is having Easter Gathering tomorrow no way in hell am I going. Why bother if I'm just going to be judged as a neurotic 1st time mother. I'm so sick of having my intelligence insulted and if you have already known me for 9years surely you can trust me and you know me well enough to get I'm a sane person??!

I'm so pissed off and also in a very dark place right now. I'm so grateful for my wonderful friends and mothers who just GET IT and don't judge but instead listen to me, support me and then we have a laugh about it which really helps me get thru each day.

Sorry for the rave but I am at rock bottom I think... And this has been going on for 11mths and beforehand with DH,s own kids and his parenting style so it's not going to go away and I was so stupid and naive to think he would be different with our own child. I have no respect for DH wotsoeva anymore he has been no support at all , I mean he is great practical support within reason but the constant undermining is doing my head in....

Man I could go on for hours and hours suffice to say blah blah blah I am not enjoying my life and am extremely unhappy.

I love my DS and it's for that reason that I think his sleep is so important because I love him. I don't put myself first and think well, I'd like to play with him so we,ll just miss this nap... He,ll get over it... Blah blah sorry for the venting but mad I'm so crazy upset right now.

Natmu Sun 31-Mar-13 06:22:38

Cabbage our situations sound so similar. The only difference is that my step daughters are totally behind me all the way. They keep telling me that they can't believe that I do everything and how little he does. Of course I defend him because he does do a lot practically around the house. He's always cleaning and tidying but I find that it just adds to the feeling of pressure. He's always going on about how our house is such a toss hole and this needs doing or that needs doing and I feel like all his comments are accusing me of not doing enough.

He has never once got up in the night for either of our DS's in the 5 years since DS1 was born. Ironically he has had to look after DS1 tonight because he's been vomiting violently and I just can't physically have them both in bed with me but I know in the morning all I will hear about is what a terrible night he has had. Never mind that I haven't had more than 2 hours sleep in one go since DS2 was born 7 months ago. I just get on with it because it's my job and I frankly wouldn't want anyone else to do it but he seems to need constant sympathy and ego stroking. I'm as sick of it as you are cabbage and for the first time I've been thinking about separation too. I couldn't do it yet for the sake of the kids but it scares me that things are so bad that I'm actually imagining what things would be like on my own.

Do get some counselling cabbage. It really helped me before too. I have depression as well. Hope you have a calm and peaceful Easter Sunday.

CabbageHead Sun 31-Mar-13 12:26:48

natmu thnks you too!

Our situations r very similar indeed! I also have good practical support from DH but lots of harrumphing about how untidy the place is etc! I felt under pressure for a long time now I just don't give a shit, once I worked out that he wasn't coping because it had always been me that kept everything in order and running smoothly and now that I was occupied he hated it cos he is so disorganized.

And for the first 4mths he was REALLY angry that his life had been changed by this little creature, he loved him but resented the fact that DS was encroaching on his self indulgent midlife crisis. He refused to get his computer etc out of our office so we could convert it into a nursery (we had planned to co sleep but the reflux put an end to that!) and basically opposed anything I suggested to try, like whitenoise, darkening room etc etc so I had to argue (with the little energy I had ) for everything it was crazy I mean really crazy. (DH suffers from depression so has the whole denial thing going on.)

I used to be really considerate like you but now I make DH get up all through the night to help out, even tho he is working. I have been doing this for last 6weeks (easy because DS is older than yours), and it's been so good. I realize that DH is the kind of person that you can't explain things to because his defensive insecure nature overrides everything, he can't help it he has really low self esteem, so I have to demonstrate I stead so he Has to experience for himself otherwise he doesn't get it (but insists he does cos he's raised 3 children singlehandedly (ahem I don't think so!)..

So I am getting more sleep and DH has been more understanding because he has been doing the early am wakings which are just the worst as you know..!

So this Easter I decided to let him be mummy for entire time, becos I am so worn out and also becos he keeps insistingn that I'm am not letting him be able to parent at all.... So I have made him look after DS ALL weekend, he has had lots of help cos kids were here and been at family,s for Easter, but DH is absolutely shattered and he still has tomorrow to go!

He refuses to believe that putting DS to bed early if he has missed naps or short naps, helps him sleep better. He thinks that we shld put him to bed later and not worry about how long or short naps are cos we need to live our lives (which is precisely why I do make the effort with naps because otherwise I struggle with fighting overtired DS). Anyway I think by today he finally gets most of it but won't back down becos of ego, but I am loving every minute of his pain.

Yesterday DH told me triumphantly that DS has slept thru entire night without waking once because he only had one nap yesterday and that's where I'm going wrong all the time... Ahem it's not the first time he has slept thru but def a rare occurrence, and ahem he didn't sleep thru the night but woke at 5am.. DH refuses to believe that he sleeps thru the monitor clicking on but I got to prove it to him this morn, as DS woke, but DH still sound asleep... Heh

So today DH been very contrite and asking me for my advice on when to put him to bed etc.. I refused to help, advised him that he had so much experience surely he didn't need my help, he after all has been doing this stuff for years.. HO hum...he asked me all day for help and kept saying oh I want to share the parenting. (that's not wot he said yesterday!).. So today he loked very defeated, slumped in the chair after trying to get DS to nap who was bouncing off the cot walls in an OT frenzy! Was so funny...and he still had to get thru dinner baths and bedtime!

Now DS went to bed at 7.30pm tonight, has already woken up at 9.30pm, then at 9.50pm... Which he never does unless he is sick or very very OT... I said to DH this arvo when he asked me if I thought DS looked wound down enough to nap.. I'm sure you can see that for yourself, and then added, but if he doesn't nap then he is going to sleep right thru the night again anyway isn't he? because isn't that wot u keep ramming down my throat everyday

Honestly natmu had the best day today gloating quietly! Also spent all of yesterday at friends place, just came home to say goodnite to DS and then I went out again. So my advice to you is push back a bit more, make him do more with ds1 so you can relax a teeny bit, and I know it's hard cos ds2 too young yet, but try to get away more often and leave ds1 with him...

On allergies etc do you know about the website? It has some really good info about allergies, food intolerances, ezcema etc, and lots and lots of articles, letters written by parents that figured out what was wrong with their screaming DC... Amazing success stories... U might find a story there that is similar to your DS situation.

<brings in basket of choccy rabbits and palest pastel colored sugared almonds>

Natmu Mon 01-Apr-13 04:04:32

Stares longingly at choccy rabbits and sugared almonds, sighs and goes back to dunking plain digestives in herbal tea. I'm on a dairy free diet for DS2's CMPA so no Easter eggs for me! Thanks for the tip about the web site. We're waiting for an appointment with the allergy clinic in June. He definitely had a reaction the other day but it's so difficult to tell what caused it. Could be something he ate/something I ate/something in the environment?

DH does do a lot with DS1. He doesn't have much choice because DS1. Is a complete Daddy's boy. grin If he's around DS1 won't even look at me. As I say, he just seems to expect a medal for what he does all the time whereas I just get on with if. He gets his free time every morning to sit down and have his cup of tea and gets to eat all his meals in peace whereas I'm usually eating one handed trying to keep a screaming baby quiet. Then he complains that it's so noisy when we're eating! Then in the next breath he's telling me I'm too soft and I should be leaving him to scream. The thing that winds me up the most though is when DS2 is really going for it, DH sits there with his fingers in his ears. I don't know why it irritates me so much but I just feel like slapping him and saying, ffs man up a bit! He says why should he sit there getting a headache? Most of the time I end up going out of the room with DS2 because I can't stand his petulant reaction.

He's an insomniac so his excuse for not getting up in the night is that if he gets up he won't be able to get back to sleep for hours and that it's much easier for me to go back to sleep. We're even sleeping in separate bedrooms so DS2 doesn't disturb him when he wakes. Despite this I always get a full breakdown of what a terrible night's sleep he's had every morning. I sometimes feel like punching him!

He's got the perfect excuse not to be able to do any more with the baby because he's got to have surgery on his shoulder and it's painful for him to hold him for more than about 2 minutes.

Oh it's good to have a moan, although it does make me feel bad for saying it all. I do love him and he does have some brilliant qualities he just seems to have this selfish streak which is rearing it's ugly head more and more at the moment.

I've got some brilliant friends in RL who are helping me through all this. One in particular has a baby with a very similar temperament. He's a few months older than DS2 so it's comforting to see the progress he's making.

CabbageHead Mon 01-Apr-13 10:17:35

Same here I'm whingeing away because our relationship dynamic is so awful at present but it wasn't always like this and DH has wonderful qualities I just can't see them at the moment because I feel so let down that he won't acknowledge me because of his own insecurity..

Have been researching passive aggressive behavior and it's all very crystal clear to me now what's been happening.. So at least I can understand more now of why he does what he is doing all the time, the denial and not doing things when I ask him to and dismissing my ideas etc. it makes so much sense..

Sitting there with fingers in ears is very very immature and not at all productive way of supporting you or dealing with the screaming... I'd be pissed off too..

I started off never waking DH in morn as he is night owl, then I realized I had to get him used t seeing DS in morning so that I could get DS down earlier at bedtime instead of waiting for DH to come home from work etc.. Ad now he feeds him breakfast mostly so he has no excuse for saying that he is missing out.

Yeh the screaming will get better it's so so hard that age before they. An be independent on top of allergies and strong temperament.. No one can relate to it unless they have experienced it that is for sure. DS didn't scream all the time but a lot of the time but nothing like what you are going thru..

Hope u have a good week!

I've started knitting to keep busy, I'm making a cot blanket as its coming into autumn now (still nice and warm at night about 20'C but will get cooler as months progress). I'm a crap knitter but ts good therapy. A,m also making a cake topper for DS birthday cake soon.. It's been so long since I was able to do anything like that so I feel like I have light at end of tunnel with his age now he is sleeping better at night I,m Getting more sleep so can actually think and stay up later than 7pm!!!!


Natmu Mon 01-Apr-13 13:35:27

You give me hope Cabbage thank you! I'm very jealous of your 20 degrees. It's supposed to be spring here but still minus 2 or 3 at night and max of 0 in the day. Rubbish!

DH seems to be making a bit more effort today. He's made DS1's lunch and been entertaining DS2 quite a bit. I'm gonna see if I can persuade him to take them both out for a walk for a bit this afternoon.

Littlepige Wed 03-Apr-13 02:16:17

Hello- I'm desperate for some support. My lo is 4 months old and I am coming to realise how high needs he is. I got through the first 3 and a half months and when I thought I would die of sleep deprivation he started sleeping for 3 or 4 hours at a time, and not right next to me (then i got mastitis as i was not used to goig so long between feeds!) Over the last few days we have gone back to him waking every hour and I'm so stressed I can't sleep in between. We are due to move to another country in 2 weeks with no support network- I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Please can I have some tea and sympathy?

CabbageHead Thu 04-Apr-13 04:39:39

Hi little pige

Welcome ... I'm typing in between trying to sedate the creature... Having no luck I might add... So hard when they are OT so therefore you can't read their tired cues because they are so tired! Vicious cycle..

Yes at 4mths I was starting to not cope, had to get family to help out and then I got so run down from sleep dep that I ended u p with shingles.. my advice is to try and de stress any way ou can, get as much help as u can ver next 2weeks, it's stressful enough to relocate let alone having no sleep reserve to cope with that and non sleeping bub!

Has bub got medical issues or just high needs? Whereare u moving to?

Can u research their support baby centers so u know where to seek help straight away? Can you org a babysitter, nanny to help out for first few weeks? I had to hire a nanny while is was sick. It was a big lesson in not stressing, learning to sleep and looking after myself.

That age is so so hard because u r still recovering from birth and they are still freaking out about being in the real world, and they are just becoming aware of everything around them too...

Ur DS could be picking up on ur stress if u r majorly stressed out... Can DH help at all? Is this ur first LO?

Sorry too many questions...! Stay on this thread we will help you through your suffering cos we have all been there or are STILL there!!!! U just need to cope with one day at a time to survive... U def cannot do it on ur own tho... Even cooking etc I couldn't do had to ask for family to help cook to take the pressure off...

<brings in big potof steaming chicken soup, piping hot garlic bread and large glass of brandy....> smile

CabbageHead Thu 04-Apr-13 04:41:46

How was ur Easter after all? Did u get any rest? I had a big Barney with DH, but then we had another big family crisis (teenagers!) so that out things into perspective lol! Anyway I made DH look after DS for 4days..

Suffice to say I'm catching up on all the sleep he lost, as DH wld OT outhit down for one nap a day... But DS going fairly well considering.. (except today of courseha ha!)

Natmu Thu 04-Apr-13 06:00:19

Funny, we had a big barny over Easter too! Well actually not DH and I but DH and MIL's husband. All in front of the kids blush. MIL is spitting chips over it but hasn't been able to get DH on his own to tear him off a strip so fall out still to come!

Personally my Easter was ok (apart from being surrounded by people eating chocolate grin). DS2 seems to have turned a bit of a corner with his eating. He no longer seems quite so stressed with the whole process because I'm doing alternate solids then milk so he's not starving when it comes to solids time. Last night he scoffed down lamb meatballs with risotto! I was so happy!! Then he slept from 8 until 2 am. Yippee! I think that's the longest he's ever slept.

We're going swimming today with both boys for the first time.

Welcome Littlepige. Do come back and tell us about your LO. Your situation sounds very stressful.

CabbageHead Thu 04-Apr-13 12:07:56

Hey natmu oh glad u had a good Easter. Sorry about my post often not making sense it's the stupid word prompt on my iPad, drives me insane! I type way to fast too which doesn't help grin.

That's interesting DS sleep improved, wonder if he has been starving this whole time?! I try and give DS lot of protein and carbs and hav been trying not so much fruit as think the fructose give shim it sugar high. He is hard to feed mostof the time simply because he is always tired, soo have to have things to distract him while he eats.

He had a lot of tantrums today, funny! He has been pushing and dragging our office chair on wheels around the entire house. He is so excited about it! And today he took abiut 6steps behind it whilst pushing - don't think he even realized. So no doubt walking milestone will start keeping him awake at night... Cor effing blimey just what I need!

DS loves swimming, he has no fear wotsoeva, loves to dunk is head crazy boy! That's great cos swimming is the best thing for wearing them out. I wld take DS everyday if I could!

Poor DS I think I fed him too many peas (he likes to eat the, one by one) beans and egg yolk today he was farting like a trooper at bedtime! Probably had such a sore belly... Bad mummy!!

Natmu Thu 04-Apr-13 18:23:48

Yes well I think you're right about him being hungry but most of the time I just can't persuade him to eat that much. Tonight for example he fell asleep in the sling before dinner and then woke up in a foul mood. Had about two mouthfuls of chicken and peppers then screamed the place down until I gave in and provided the boob. I'm going to try stopping him halfway through and see if I can persuade him with the chicken again. God it's so frustrating. I should not have been hoping for a repeat of last night. Fatal.

CabbageHead Fri 05-Apr-13 01:16:37

How old is ur ds again? How did u go with the stopping halfway? I know nothing EVER works the same two days in a row with high needs babies.. That's the hardest thing for other people to understand I think, they can't understand why u don't have them in a simple routine by now, if only they knew the effort I went to to have the basic routine we have!

Yes I've been so lucky that DS is such a greedy porky pig that he never ha da problem with food (or boob!) so our transition to solids was easy.

In saying that I do hav to distract him constantly becos he gets bored so whenhe gets fidgety and silly I give him something to amuse him, container where he can put lid on etc while I feed him (his mouth opens automatically when anything like spoon goes near it as long as his not focused on it otherwise he wants to do everything his way!!)

Now he wants to feed himself so I really hav to distract him to get enough food into him, but while I'm preparing his food, he gets finger food to eat himself, peas, bread, toast, sliced fruit, blue worries etc.. But then I take that food away when I need to feed him main meals otherwise I will be there all day while he refuses the spoon because he only wants to eat the food that he can control himself. Headstrong!!!!

He is cranky today lots of drooling so teeth I guess, and def on his way to walking but he is frustrating himself all the time.

Natmu Fri 05-Apr-13 06:48:10

They get so grumpy when they are about to achieve something new don't they? Combined with teeth I hope you're not in for a terrible day/night.

He's been fine with stopping halfway through. He has one boob then some food then topped up with more milk if he needs it. Tbh I'm trying to separate milk and solid feeds altogether because I feel he eats more food if he's not thinking about milk at all. If I give him food halfway between two milk feeds it seems to work loads better.

Well all my fears about tonight have been unfounded. He has just had the best sleep he's ever had in his life!!! He slept 8-2.20. Woke for milk then slept through again until 6am. I literally can't believe it!!

You're right about the routine thing. Everyone including DH just thinks that it's my poor parenting which means he's not in a set routine. I can't seem to get through to them and explain how unpredictable he is and how what works one day doesn't work the next. Having said that he is slowly getting better. The main worry at the moment is that he DOES NOT like MIL. He screams with what sounds like fear when she has him. unfortunately she is our main babysitter and help for when I go back to work. DH keeps on at me to just leave him with her and let him scream but I just can't bring myself to do it. He sounds so frightened. They all say oh it's crocodile tears but I know it's not. He's only 7 months ffs.

Hope you have a peaceful night cabbage.

Littlepige Fri 05-Apr-13 10:11:18

Thanks cabbage and natmu
It's so useful to hear about how other people are managing with their babies. I'm sure a great deal of getting through is surrounding yourself with people who understand a bit. My lo is the love of my life but when I'm really sleep deprived I have really dark days when I feel so frustrated with him- its the whole combination isn't it? No sleep, don't want to go out in the car as he gets so distressed, can't go for a walk with him in a buggy, no one else can soothe him for me to have a bit if a nap, he will only sleep in the sling during the day so I can't sleep when he sleeps etc etc etc. he is a very sensitive baby and I'm sure he's picking up on moving stress- I keep on telling myself that this sort of sensitivity will make him a lovely grown up! We are moving to California for 6 months for DHs job. At least I will be sleep deprived and warm?
cabbage how old is your lo?
natmu I think you are right- leaving him to cry feels terrible- so stressful if your MIL is your main respite!

CabbageHead Fri 05-Apr-13 13:10:20

Hi natmu yes been a bad day and night so far, 30min nap only today and put him to bed early and now woekn twice and last waking has been fighting for 2hrs...

He is super cranky and clingy so presume its either milestone walking as he did lots of walking on his knees behind our office chair today, or he is sick or has headache although I gave him panadol befor e bed cos I thought his drooling was excessive today too.. Could have sore ears who knows but think its the walking cos it was like this with standing... Three weeks of torture... No sleep...

Does MIL wear dstrong perfume? Just wondering if that was the reason he doesn't like her, or is it just because u r no 1 to him? He is just starting that massive Sep Anxiety stage I,ll bet. DS was really bad from 8tmhs until now with SA. Just staring to get better with it now.

littlepige yes those long dark days I know EXACTLY how u feel. Some days I am in tears with the relentlessness of an all day struggle. And some days are too many days and too few easy days. I had a relatively easy day yesterday so I should have known t was in preparation for today!!!!

Ha ha yes sunny days actualy do make a difference. DS is nearly 1yr old in a few weeks!!! He is still a nightmare to settle nearly every day but he has improved so much each month in terms of being able to self regulate his emotions and ability to not be so overstimulated etc. in saying that he is totally out of control today !!!

Do u guys know about the wonder weeks? I wish I had known about it from the start so I coud have prepared myself!!!!

I'm still awake it's 11pm and I haven't had a break all day until now, but I can't even go to toilet brush my teeth as toilet and bathroom are next to DS room and DH is still in there tryin to settle him!!!!!! Cor effing blimey!

Lucky he is cute or else I wouldve sold him on eBay by now!!!!!

Natmu Fri 05-Apr-13 23:46:41

Lol cabbage! I can't tell you how many gtimes I've said's lucky you're cute or you'd have been out the window by now. Typically last night was fab so tonight is turning into a nightmare. I've also got a 2 hour drive to do in the morning. Don't fancy that on 4 hours kip sad.

MXP78 Sun 07-Apr-13 19:27:32

Hi all,

cabbage & Natmu I'm so sorry to hear about all the stresses you are both having. Not only with your LO's but with your OH as well. When you have a high needs bub support is so important and it can be soul destroying when the person you're supposed to be getting it from most, just makes you feel worse sad Especially when you are around your LO 24/7 so you know them so much better than anyone else. I was speaking to my sister the other day and she said "maybe she's like that because she knows the minute she cries you'll pick her up" THEY JUST DON'T GET IT. It's so the other way around. I pick her up all the time because she was born like that and I know what will happen if I don't pick her up! Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not doing an amazing job.

littlepige as most people on here will probably be able to say, your LO sounds exactly like mine at that age. I used to say to my OH, if one more person tells me to sleep when she sleeps, I'm going to punch them in the face!! She would only sleep on me or in the sling. I couldn't just go for a walk or a drive to get out of the house or to get her to sleep as she would cry in the pram and car seat. And like you I got hardly any sleep at night as when she would eventually fall asleep, my anxiety was so bad that I would like just lie there waiting to hear her start to cry again an hour later. My OH booked an appt for me at the GP as he thought I was getting PND. The Dr pretty much ordered him to do all the night wakings so I could get some sleep. That seemed to work for me as if I knew I didn't have to get up when she cried next time, I would relax a little and be able to get some sleep. Does your OH help at night? If it makes you feel any better, my DD now sleeps in her cot for daytime and nighttime sleeps. You will get there xx

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