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If you are against leaving baby to cry, how would you handle this?

(22 Posts)
Anothercuppatea Mon 31-Dec-12 08:54:23

Looking for some advice again. Hope someone can advise.
I have always rocked my 9 month old to sleep. It used to take 15 mins and he'd be in cot. He does wake in the night, but I can cope with that ok.
However, it's taking longer and longer to rock him to sleep. Last night it was 2 hours of rocking/holding him in a dark room. He just doesn't seem to go into a deep enough sleep to put him down. It really isn't manageable any more.

So wwyd now? Feeding to sleep doesn't work. Shush/pat just seems to stimulate him.

I am thinking lie down with him/cuddle him and just persevere through the tears?

Anothercuppatea Mon 31-Dec-12 09:09:54

Actually, just realised it was 3 hours rocking last night- not 2.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Mon 31-Dec-12 09:14:02

Sounds like 9mth sleep regression. No advice I'm afraid - fingers crossed it passes quickly.

Devora Mon 31-Dec-12 09:17:22

You need to do some sleep training. It needn't involve leaving your baby to cry.

I had a similar situation at 8 months, when I was stuck in bf my dd to sleep. Every time she came up into light sleep (i.e. hourly) she realised something was missing and wailed.

First thing is to make sure you have a good sleep routine, so your ds learns the signals for 'time to sleep'. You probably already do bath and then to a darkened room - are you reading a bedtime story yet? It's a good idea, even at this age.

Once that is all established for a few days, then your ds needs to learn how to put himself to sleep. My dd2 moved out of 'needing to be held to fall asleep' to 'being held is too stimulating for me to sleep, but I don't know how to fall asleep any other way' at a similar age. I suggest you do the bedtime routine, perhaps dress him in something slightly (only very slightly!) restrictive, like a sleeping bag, to recreate the sense of being held. Then put him down and sit beside the cot. He will cry, because he'll be tired and frustrated (but he won't be scared or traumatised, because you are nearby). You can pat his back, stroke his hair, hold his hand, but don't make eye contact, talk or pick him up.

Eventually he will fall asleep. You and he will be exhausted, but if you keep it up it will work.

I did this with dd1, following the advice of sleep expert Andrea Grace (she has a website with lots of advice on it - worth taking a look). She told me it would take four nights. We had one hour of crying on day 1, 15 minutes crying day 2, slept through the night day 3.

Svrider Mon 31-Dec-12 09:23:19

I used to pop mine in their buggy and walk them round the living room, with soft music (same music every time, very dim lighting, no tv)
Almost always got them to sleep by song 3 smile

Anothercuppatea Mon 31-Dec-12 09:34:40

Thanks. I think I will have to leave him in cot or lie down with him.

HearMyRoar Mon 31-Dec-12 19:56:03

DD has been through a couple of phases where she just wouldn't settle at night, often when beginning to drop a nap or cutting teeth. I find that once she has got herself into a crying frame of mind she will, like yours, carry on refusing to sleep for hours. The only thing that works is just getting her up again, stopping trying to get her to sleep. I usually just take her into another room with some lights on and let her play with some toys or read a book with her. Then usually about 20-30 minutes later I try again with a really quick read, feed and lights down bed routine and she will settle ok. I think she just needs to reset after getting herself in a mess, plus it is less stressful for me to just get up and have a break rather then sit their with her getting annoyed.

The longest stretch I have had to do this is a few nights in a row when she was 8 months and then she just went back to settling fine again without an issue.

noblegiraffe Mon 31-Dec-12 20:00:40

Where do you pat him? Bottom patting worked bizarrely well for us when rocking got too difficult.

Although if he is not asleep after 3 hours, perhaps he wasn't tired enough and you need to be looking at naps? Is he napping too close to bedtime?

sillymillyb Mon 31-Dec-12 20:14:59

No advice, I just wanted to say I'm in the same boat - we currently cosleep and I'd love to stop, but 9mo ds wakes nearly every hour and cant resettle unless I pat his bum in a heart beat rhythm.... I'm exhausted!

LynetteScavo Mon 31-Dec-12 20:24:46

Do the bed time routine, put him in his cot. Put a hand on his stomach, and lie on the floor by the cot pretending to be asleep.

Creep out when he is asleep.

He will wake up in the night an want you.

IwishyouaMerryChristmas Mon 31-Dec-12 20:27:57

We did a gradual retreat type thing. It worked over several nights.

9 months is a tricky age though Ime. Good luck!

Snusmumriken Mon 31-Dec-12 20:33:37

I get up with DS if he does not want to sleep and try again after a while. His bed times tends to change every few weeks. At the moment he is falling asleep at around 20:30 and wakes at 8:00 or so. I always lay down with him and feed him to sleep.
Good luck!

Iggly Mon 31-Dec-12 21:33:31

There's a sleep regression at 9 months.

Out of frustration, I've left them to it for 1-2 mins then gone back in. Usually helps as I've calmed down (convinced they can pick up on my stress and take longer!)

Another option is an earlier bedtime. Dd takes ages if I put her down too late.

lalalonglegs Mon 31-Dec-12 21:54:36

Sleep training is tough but worth it - you have to be extremely patient and be prepared for it to take a few nights but it does work. I found Devora's technique - very clear lead up to bed time followed by not letting them get upset but not interacting - worked with my three but it is tiring and there will be plenty of times when you just think: "Sod it, it's easier to go back to rocking/feeding/whatever."

Anothercuppatea Tue 01-Jan-13 08:43:55

Thanks everyone. The 3 hours rocking/holding he other night he was tired cos he was sleeping in my arms. I just couldn't get him into a deep enough sleep to put him down. I was exhausted!
Anyway, thought I'd update what happened last night. I fed him then cot comfy on the bed and lay with him. He started crying a bit after 5 mins. Then did some really upset screaming for a few mins, Whig was horrible. At which point he let me give him a big cuddle and I rocked his body ever so slightly and he fell asleep. It took 30 mins in total and he slept much better once asleep. I am hoping to progress to just a gentle cuddle and no crying. Although tonight will probably be completely different no doubt!

Anothercuppatea Tue 01-Jan-13 08:45:15

Got comfy, not cot comfy. I never put him into cot

Anothercuppatea Tue 01-Jan-13 08:45:43

Happy new year everyone btw!

TessTing123 Tue 01-Jan-13 08:50:16

Similar thing with my 9mo. I've moved her bedtime a bit later and am making sure she has busy days and lots of fresh air. seems to be helping.

BoffinMum Tue 01-Jan-13 08:50:20

I put mine in the big bed with me if they're howling their heads off. They grow out of it.

bexbrown90 Fri 04-Jan-13 08:16:42

Hi I don't know exactly what I did as my ds1 was the same at this age and now age 3 he is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
I established a bedtime routine with him and followed the 3 r's technique of request, repeat reassure from cathy glass book happy kids
So basically go and put him to bed saying its night time now and come away from the cot, when he continues to cry for a few mins go back in there resettle him and again night night and come away again, if he is still crying after a couple of minuites go back in give him one hug preferably in the cot and resettle him and continue until he falls asleep, I know its exhausting but it will be worth it in the end! smile xx

GrumpySod Fri 04-Jan-13 08:52:49

I would probably stay with him, hold his hand, but stop the rocking association. Sort of a half way house. And then move onto gradual retreat, if possible. Lots of crying to endure, sorry to say.

BoffinMum Fri 04-Jan-13 23:01:00

Thinking about it I have done the Bex approach as well, and that's worked too.

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